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Minnesota is a Football School Now

And that’s sad. Also fuck Minnesota.

NCAA Football: Iowa at Minnesota
This is a bronze pig. Minnesota is bad at winning this pig. Don’t feel bad, though, they’re bad people.
Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Fuck you, Minnesota.

I’m sick and fucking tired of Minnesota fans and their seemingly unending optimism that THIS coach will bring them back to the pre-desegregation glory days.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been bad for close to 60 goddamn years.

Cal Stoll wasn’t it. Joe Salem was terrible. Hey, Lou Holtz was a Hall of Fame coach, for fucking Notre goddamn Dame.

Fuck you, again, Minnesota for letting that happen.

John Gutekunst was actually the Minnesota coach, and not the name of some weird German porn. Jim Wacker allowed both wisconsin and jNW to create football programs. Glen Mason should never have been fired.

Tim Brewster.

Jerry Kill was a control freak asshole, despite his “Aw shucks” demeanor, who also was a very limited coach. Tracy Claeys was asleep at the wheel.

Look at that list. Glen Mason is the best Gopher coach in 50 fucking years. (UNL fans, take note, this is your future).

But sure, PJ fucking ELITE humper Fleck is the answer. The earnest, high energy, annoying as fuck dude that locks 18 year old kids in a room with a goddamn timer, forcing them to commit, like he’s the Wicked Witch of the West. Fuck him.

And fuck you, too. You’re not winning the conference. You’re not winning the division. You’re not going to the ROSE BOWL. You’re a Quick Lane Bowl team. Deal with it.

In conclusion:

The 2018 Iowa/Minnesota game, featuring a bronze pig that Minnesota did not win.
Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports
Floyd in 2017. A game in which Minnesota lost.
Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports
The 2016 version of Floyd briefly visiting Minneapolis before coming back home. Because Minnesota lost. Because they suck.
John Autey-St. Paul Pioneer Pres
What’s that? Iowa won Floyd in 2015 as well? Yes. It’s because Minnesota is very bad.

PS. Good job beating wisconsin, though.


Should Minnesota re-hire Glen Mason?

This poll is closed

  • 18%
    (40 votes)
  • 81%
    Also yes, but fuck you.
    (171 votes)
211 votes total Vote Now