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MAILBAG is still at work on July 5 :(

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The manager of this site keeps cracking the whip.

NCAA FB 11-5-05: Wisconsin Badgers at Penn State Nittany Lions Photo by Sporting News via Getty Images/Sporting News via Getty Images via Getty Images

Survive the Fourth? Fingers and toes still intact? A fish bit my nipple while I was swimming this morning, so it’s been a bit of a mixed bag for me.

As the cabin traffic picks up here in northern wisconsin, with Jetskis ruining my pleasant day on the lake and in-laws inviting their friends over for appetizers and cocktails tonight, I almost—almost—wondered if I wouldn’t prefer to be holed up in my office lesson-planning or writing instead.

Some of you are stuck doing that! Sorry. But if you’ve got cabin time planned for this weekend, we’ve given you some advice on the best food and America-themed stuff to get through it.

Still at work? Miss football? Here’s what we recommend:

MAILBAG: Miscellaneous (fuck yeah)!

That heading doesn’t work as well absent the context of America! (fuck yeah!).

Why am I working this week? Is it better or worse to be working when everybody else is on vacation? --GTom

BrianB2: My office is more vacant than normal, I’ve answered all of these on Wednesday, on office time, so you can probably gauge my level of production.

Ray: You should start drinking right now.

Beez: It’s far, far better to be working when everyone else is on summer vacation and then take your summer vacation during an off week. Every touristy thing you want to do is sparsely attended, and the pile of work you have waiting when you get back can be easily accomplished when the bosses are gone and not giving you more things to do.

MC: I am remotely working from far, far away from our office, the best of both worlds.

Jesse: If you’re the type that likes to accomplish things, probably better because literally no one can distract you and there’s some research that this is actually good. Conversely, if everyone else is on vacation, they’ve made better life choices. Tossup.

BRT: Probably the geographers are behind it.

What state has the most aesthetic license plate? Which one is the most patriotic? --HistoriCat

BrianB2: Maryland has a “War of 1812” license plate with the Stars and Stripes flying over Fort McHenry on it. Seems pretty patriotic to me. Illinois has Abraham Lincoln on it, also pretty patriotic. I saw a comment earlier in the week that said, “Maryland’s license plates are the most pathetic because their flag is ugly”, yada yada. I can assure you that no version of the Maryland license plate is just a straight up Maryland flag. The newer, primary version is accented on the bottom with the Maryland flag design, which I guess is enough to send some of y’all into a tizzy.

Ray: New Jersey. Actually no, they kinda look like pee, though I get the rising sun metaphor. I’ll go with Vermont.

Beez: Most aesthetic:

Jesse: Ok… gonna catch hell for this, but I love Texas’ license plate. It’s simple, extremely Texas still (which is the whole point), and uses white space well. Also, the most patriotic is easily South Dakota with the “Great Places, Great Faces” monstrosity that embodies America so so well.

BRT: I think Oklahoma’s new plates are a very pretty color. They are also easily the best thing about Oklahoma. As for patriotic, I’m always very partial to New Hampshire, just because “Live Free or Die” is an amazing motto.

If we did a Mount Rushmore of B1G coaches: Who would be on it? --Badgers & Bruins

Ray: I don’t feel qualified to answer this question. BrianB2 feels the same way.

Beez: Barry Alvarez is either all of the heads, or we go like Izzo, Knight, Tressel, and that one OSU coach who punched a player on the other team...but with Barry getting his own mountain and giant head that looms over the other four.

MC: Brewster, Riley, Hoke, Bert

Jesse: Tom Osborne, Bob Devaney, Rip Engle, and Greg Schiano

Creighton: Bo Schembechler is disqualified because of his horrible bowl record (lol he lost 8 Rose Bowls), 0 national championships and 0 Heisman Trophy winners.

Woody Hayes is disqualified for being an unrepentant asshole who, among other things:

  • Punched a player in the throat during the Gator Bowl
  • Claimed that the victims of the My Lai Massacre had it coming
  • Was eulogized by Richard Nixon.

Barry Alvarez is disqualified for going to wisconsin. Huh, I guess that leaves Hayden Fry with his own statue in Rosemont.

2nd bonus question: When do we get to “read” and “talk” about football again? --mnfanstc

BrianB2: I imagine it will coincide with the start of the football season.

Ray: Goddamit that’s the question of the hour. You know what though - we’re going to be at the shore in a heartbeat and all of a sudden it’ll be game time. We’re so close friends. So close!

Beez: Well I think Wisconsin week is a couple weeks away, so let’s say a couple weeks from now.

MC: Listen to Beez. No spoilers, but be ready for cautious optimism stemming from offseason improvements from returning players, good strength and conditioning, another cycle of “his recruits” in “the system,” etc.

BRT: We carefully composed thoughtful Naturday reviews for you, and this is the thanks we get? Fie on thee.

Jesse: “Do you guys even watch football?”

Boilerman31: On this site?

Have a great weekend, everyone.