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Urban’s Swansong

Or How to Get Your Heart Broken by Dwayne Haskins

NCAA Basketball: Michigan State at Ohio State Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

At some point we have to stop talking about the departure of Urban Meyer. With the fact that Michigan fans still cream their jeans over Glenn “Puts the Bo in Bowl Loss” Schembechler, you could be forgiven for thinking the discussion of the erstwhile head man in Columbus might continue forever. But at least for my part as your favorite OTE “writer,” it’s time to look to the future.

But not before we take one final look at Urban’s two shining moments from last season—a two-fer of B1GE heartbreak so complete that even I had to feel a bit bad for the victims.

The Good: Ohio State comes back to defeat Penn State in yet another White Out loss.

Things looked bleak deep into the second half, with PSU leading 26-14 as the clock struck 8:00 in the 4th. A steady diet of Haskins’ pocket prowess led the Buckeyes across midfield, where we finally saw Ben Victor live up to his potential.

After a PSU drive petered out on account of McSorely’s inaccuracy, the Bucks found themselves pinned against their own endzone. Then Urbz hit ‘em with the old constraint play magic: 35-yard screen to J.K. Dobbins that put the Scarlet & Gray on their own 40 in one shot. Three plays later, and K.J. Hill ripped the hearts out of 108,000 fans.

But the Nits were still alive! 4th & 5 on the Buckeye 43. One last chance! Surely Coach Franklin wouldn’t repeat the mistakes of the past and hand the ball off deep on a critical, game-altering play! WOMP WOMP.

The Best: The Ohio State University absolutely skulldrags “Revenge Tour” Michigan in a 62-point romp that Jim Harbaugh can never, ever live down.

I don’t even need to describe the game. There’s no nuance to it. Just repeat this mesh concept 50 times, interspersed with Michigan running their same offense from 1972.

The good news for those of us on the right side of history (Michigan haters) is that the beauty you see above is the work of none other than Ryan Day. So perhaps we can let Urban’s swansong be merely a prelude to what’s next.

Farewell, sweet prince. May your Michigans always be fucked.