Mythigan Football - The Fraud of Sporting Frauds

Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports

Let’s look at Michigan’s claims of greatness.

  • Most wins/most winning seasons!!!

Cool,…wait, who did you play???

Albion, Oberlin, Mount Union, Kalamazoo, Ohio Wesleyan, Detroit Athletic Club, Michigan Military Academy, Ohio Northern, Beloit, DePauw, Wittenberg, Michigan Athletic Club, Western Reserve, Lake Forest, Marietta, Great Lakes Navy, Physicians & Surgeons (no, really), Quantico Marines, Stevens, Lawrence, Denison, Wabash, Adrian, Grand Rapids HIGH SCHOOL, Camp Grant, Detroit Mercy, Ferris State, Carroll, Kenyon, American Medical, Adelbert, Carlisle Indian Industrial School, Wesleyan, Olivet, Windsor Club of Ontario, Peninsular Club, and my personal favorite - Case Western, who Michigan played 27 times (26 times in Ann Arbor). Michigan has played Case Western more times than UM has faced PSU; UM has 27 combined wins vs PSU, Nebraska, Maryland and Rutgers and 26 vs Case Western. Bravo!

Michigan made certain to exploit its positioning and played the vast majority of their games from 1879-1949 at home, during that period only 29% of UM’s games were true road games. MAC/MSC/MSU played 43 of their first 50 games vs UM at Ann Arbor. Interesting to note, UM only leads the series vs MSU 37-30-2 since 1950 – and that is with 5 more home games played at UM than MSU. Certainly not impressive considering MSU’s record vs UM is better than UM’s vs OSU over that same span of time, the Buckeyes with a 39-28-2 advantage (including a winning record at UM, lol).

  • 11 National Titles!!!

Ok, so let’s wipe the dust off these things and take a look at them a little.

1901 - 1 road game, games vs Albion, Case Western, Carlisle, and Beloit

1902 – 1 road game, games vs Albion, Case Western, and Oberlin

1903 – 2(!) road games, games vs Albion, Case Western, Ohio Northern, Ferris State, and Oberlin.

1904 – 2 road games, Case Western, Ohio Norther, Kalamazoo, Physicians & Surgeons, and American Medical. (Apparently the Red Cross was unavailable?)

1918 – 5 total games, 1 road game, a game vs Case Western, of course.

1923 – 2 road games, Case Western, again, Quantico Marines.

1932 – Undefeated! As was USC, Colgate, and 4 other squads.

1933 – Untied and undefeated…as was Princeton.

1947 – Another unblemished record, which Notre Dame did as well.

1948 – They did it again, all foes vanquished…and so did Clemson.

1997 – We all know this one, particularly Nebraska fans.

The AP Poll started in 1936, Michigan has been awarded the Title twice since then. That equals PSU, is 2 fewer than Nebraska and Minnesota, 3 less than OSU.

The Coaches Poll started in 1950. Current B1G teams with Coaches Poll Titles are OSU (4), Nebraska (4), PSU (2), MSU (2), Maryland (1), and Minnesota (1). Michigan has ZERO. That’s right, the block "M" school in the B1G with Titles in both of the major polls is Minnesota, not Michigan. AND THOSE POLLS STARTED IN 1936 & 1950!!!

  • Our Winged Helmets!!!

The helmets were simply stock Spaulding gear with panels of stitched leather. OSU wore them first, several years before UM. OSU ditched that shit. MSU had them before UM as well, and made the mistake of wearing them for 12 years before they scrapped that crap. Even fucking Indiana wore the winged helmets before Michigan – and Indiana included the stripes (It is Indiana after all, gotta have stripes!). So your coach took a design several other local schools had previously worn, including his previous team and now it’s your most treasured logo. The design wasn’t avantgarde, you just kept a paint design on the helmets even when you didn’t have leather helmets, because god knows you missed the "dominance" of your leather helmet days. It looks like shit, seriously.

  • Our Fight Song!!!

Is a plagiarized work. Check it out, Spirit of Liberty (at 1:49 was written before Victors – one of your students simply stole someone else’s work and made it your school’s anthem. Congrats!

  • The "Big House"!!!

It’s been a dump for much of its existence. Who doesn’t love the thin rows and seat spacing tailored best for kindergarteners? Many a year people dreaded wading through one of their quarter mile long rows only to be met by a human centipede from the bathroom only rivaled by a Disney World ride line. There was no mistake it was the poorly ventilated bathroom though, the stink of stale urine hundreds of feet away made any signage redundant. Nice to see they finally took out a couple thousand seats a few years ago, it’s slightly less hellish.

  • Academic Excellence of our Athletes!!!

""Michigan is a good school, and I got a good education there," he said, "but the athletic department has ways to get borderline guys in and, when they're in, they steer them to courses in sports communications." - Jim Harbaugh, Stanford Head Coach

Pretty much says it all there.

But when Jim got at the helm things changed, amirite? Lmfao, no. General Studies degrees for everyone!!! Want to graduate in 3 years with 2 years of eligibility? UM’s got that path paved! Hell, UM recently had a player graduate with 3 years of eligibility! Wow, amazing. It’s something when a guy is All-Academic B1G and scores the Wunderlic equivalent of a potato. Nothing to see here, Leaders & Best!

  • Coaching Greats, Past & Present!!!

Glenn Edward "Bo" Schembechler was a highly successful regional coach and a tire fire out of conference. Dude went 5-12 in Bowls and was the gold standard for B1G Rose Bowl disappointment. Chances are decent if Bo coached today he wouldn’t be seen as a legend, and he and the school would have "mutually parted ways". Consider from 1969-1979, his first 11 years at UM, they didn’t win a bowl, going 0-7. Would that really be allowed today? He doesn’t survive the ’84 season after going 6-6 w/ a 2-10 bowl record, right? The man had masterful timing and was able to navigate CFB after de-segregation, something several B1G teams failed to do – like Minnesota and MSU. It’s really amazing that happened for Michigan, when the architect of the school’s success was a HUGE racist piece of shit by the name of Fielding Yost.

As Townie noted, Harbaugh is a sham, he’s stealing $. It’s all there plainly in sight, I really don’t need to go into too much detail. He’s a snake oil salesman (a Quarterback whisperer who has never developed his own QB at UM), he’s bizarre, he’s petty (throwing shade at Urbz after getting fucking destroyed by him was pathetic), he’s a fabricated/concocted caricature of a Michigan man – which is generally an animated asshat from Ohio.

Sure, I’m hateful. Maybe I’m a petty Spartan, possibly to the levels the Wolverines exhibited when they tried to block my school from the B1G or when they attempted to stop MSU from changing its name from Michigan State College to Michigan State University (UM has a long history of not liking to compete on a level playing field). But that doesn’t change the fact Michigan Football is a parlor trick, a fable, a product of media manufacturing. They stacked the deck and have lived for a long time off the illusions of the past. It takes just a bit of review to see all that makes UM "special" is a mirage, fairy tales passed on through the generations. Michigan’s current standing is façade propped up by the prominent rivalry with OSU. The Wolverines themselves have squandered much of the built-in advantages enjoyed by them. It’s something to behold, maybe someday the masses will see through all their bullshit and come to the conclusion, FUCK MICHIGAN, it’s a fraud.

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