As summer winds down, schools begin to return to session, and fall creeps ever closer, so too does football return to our lives. It is a sensation that happens every year, and yet, one we always look forward to seeing. Well, as long as your team is good, anyway. But the season has not yet arrived, so hope still springs eternal for at least one more week.
Here’s to yet another slog towards (maybe) 6 wins, (maybe) a bowl game, and (maybe, just maybe) a season where history will be made. Or not, because as a famous former basketball coach once said, “It’s Indiana.”
I. Case History/Opening Statement
A. Case History
For what feels like the 128th or so straight season, Indiana beat exactly the teams you would expect them to beat, and lost to everyone else. The Hoosiers went 4-1 in the month of September, and then didn’t win another game save for November 10th against Maryland. Yet again, they stayed close to many of their opponents, producing a 5 point loss to Penn State and a pair of touchdown losses to Minnesota and Purdue. And also yet again, they suffered blowouts that make you wonder why we still field a football team, such as the regular 20+ point loss to the Buckeyes after leading midway through the second quarter and still being within one score by halftime, and the “what the hell just happened out there” 26 point loss to Iowa. A final note before we (thankfully) move on from this: for the first time since 2014, not a single IU game went to overtime. Thought you ought to know.
B. Opening Statement
We’re probably going 5-7 or 6-6. You know, just like we’re expected to every year. What else am I supposed to say about that that isn’t just completely false or recklessly optimistic cheerleading?
A. What We’ve Written About the Hoosiers this Offseason
I assume there was also a hate piece, but since whoever wrote it didn’t tag it properly, I’m not including it here, and good luck to you actually finding it.
B. What We Can Learn From Pop Culture
Sure. Shit seems fine now, but you’re young and dumb as hell. Soon, you’ll know this hell as it kills you slowly.— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 28, 2019
Before you were born you didn’t exist for a literally infinite amount of time. Soooo soon, you return to that state for another eternity.— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 9, 2019
So enjoy Arby’s.
Eat Arby’s. Go Hoosiers.
C. Schedule of Events
Emotional Plea Calling Out the Commentariat
Nah, I’m good. Most of you either think of Indiana as your second, third, or 14th favorite Big Ten team, or you’re right here with me in this torment already and know that no amount of pleading will actually make this team better. NEXT!
IV. The Verdict
Let’s see, somewhere between 4 and 7 wins, with 1 to 4 of those being in conference. Yup, this is definitely Indiana all right.
Indiana will finish the regular season with
This poll is closed
4-5 wins and a probable head coaching search
6 wins and a ho-hum bowl
7-8 wins, a decent bowl, and maybe momentum?
#9WINDIANA IS HAPPENING AND MY CAPS LOCK CAN’T CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!
Anything Else, because I’m either wildly optimistic (10+ wins) or a Purdue fan who is more biased than Big Ten officiating (3 wins or fewer)
This poll is closed