I. Case History/Opening Statement

A. Case History

2018 did not go spectacularly well for the Wisconsin Badgers. 19th in advanced stats, 1st in our hearts, but an embarrassing 2nd in the B1G West. Touted as a preseason Top 5 team, the Badgers sputtered out of the gate with a loss to BYU and couldn’t ever find the magic. Wisconsin missed the chance to lose another B1G Conference Championship Game, instead being punished with a garbage bowl game in a stupid stadium against an opponent they clobbered in 2017. Despite a poor record, Minnesota Gophers-level quarterbacking, and ending the season with a defensive line that was mostly offensive lineman, Wisconsin finished strong with a win over Miami and the transfer of Alex Hornibrook to the Florida State Seminal Vesicles.

B. Opening Statement

Hope springs eternal. Change comes slowly. History repeats itself. Wisconsin is a significantly better team than everyone in its division. Whomst among us isn’t familiar with these cliches and universal truths? As you consider, review, and analyze everything you’ve heard or seen about Wisconsin this offseason, remember two things. First, Wisconsin has had like four good or great seasons for every mediocre or bad season the past 25 years. Second, thinking Wisconsin will be bad and hoping Wisconsin will be bad are two very different things. Don’t let your stupid-ass heart get in the way of your brain. Your heart doesn’t even have a brain!

Back is the best running back in college football. Back is the best (by some obscure, impossible-to-understand ranking system) left tackle in college football and the best center in the conference. Back are a bunch of other guys who have a lot of starts and tons of snaps played on last year’s spectacular (at run blocking, anyway) offensive line. Back is almost an entire secondary that had a better 2018 than you’d think. Back is the entire wide receiving corps. And perhaps most critical for elevating Wisconsin’s from 8ish wins to 10ish wins is a set of healthy defensive ends.

You could say the(TM) Badgers are Back(TM) this season, but the truth is they were barely gone in the first place.

II. Discovery

A. What We’ve Written About the Badgers this Offseason

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Preview

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Offense: Paul Chryst Weighs In

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Defense

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Preview Mailbag

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Potluck 1

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Potluck 2

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Potluck 3

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Potluck 4

Better Know A Blog: Bucky’s 5th Quarter Previews Wisconsin

Wisconsin Badgers 2019 Preview Podcast!

Wisconsin Badgers 2019: Hate us cuz they anus

B. What We Can Learn From Pop Culture

There’s always money in the banana stand. When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy. Wear pink on Wednesdays.

C. Schedule of Events

South Florida on the road is a random, mildly interesting opener, and Michigan for Game 3 is a definitive litmus test. The crossover schedule is the toughest in the West and could play a role in deciding the division, and a bye after two games is almost worthless. A well-earned 15-0 in the works, in our humble opinion.

III. Emotional Plea

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, clear your mind and behold that which is in front of your very eyes. All offseason the supposed parity of the West has been proclaimed. Our neighbors have hired new leaders, turned over their rosters, in the hopes of laying claim to the throne. And you might say to yourself, “Self, didn’t someone else already do this?” And to that we yell fluke words.

Just look at the weaponry! All the key pieces of the 12-0 2017 offense are back in place, featuring what could go down as the most prolific running back the game has seen. Plus who knows, maybe an upgrade at quarterback. The defensive line has reloaded after injuries decimated its depth. An alarmingly young secondary has added a crucial year of valuable experience. Who out there has enough to top that? If you’re out there, well, we’ll see you in Indy.

IV. The Verdict

Usual trolling aside, there’s some respect in here! A bunch of 9-win picks, two double digit selections, and an undefeated season! Not picked by a Badger! It is good to see the love and confirmation from the OTE masses that Wisconsin remains the class of the West.