I’ve been using Apple computers since 1987, first when I learned to type in my grade school’s computer lab, and then at home since 1990 when my father brought home a Mac IIcx. I liked using computers that at the time were flat out better than the reigning Windows PCs, and stuck with the company’s products when the company was on the verge of going out of business. I bought an iPod in 2001 to replace my DiscMan, and i’ve enjoyed how much better of an experience it was to just transfer files rather than burn discs that can get scratched and sometime lost. I’ve used iPhones since 2007, iPads since 2010, and I’ve had an Apple Watch since 2015. I think you all get it, I love using Apple’s products!
I’m also a huge fan of Big Ten football, and to coincide with yesterday’s introduction of an updated iPad and new iPhones, I’ve decided to write a power poll I should’ve written years go: Big Ten teams compared to Apple’s products!
# 1 Ohio State. 236 points. 15 first place votes. Highest 1, lowest 2. Last week #1
We wouldn’t have our iPhones, iPads, AirPods, or our other Apple products if Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak hadn’t been one of the crazy ones and created a computer that challenged the IBM DOS-compatible clones of the day. The original Macintosh 128k released in 1984 to a memorable Super Bowl commercial kicked off the personal computing revolution with a computer that everyone could use at home.
Apple’s most powerful computer, the Mac Pro, is getting a huge upgrade this fall, it’ll probably cost an arm and leg to maximize the config.
The B1G’s most powerful team, Ohio State, pulverized hapless Cincinnati last week, and this week plays Indiana.
#2 Wisconsin. 216 First place votes. 2 First place votes. Highest 1, Lowest 9. Last week #2
Apple would still be a computer company that also makes a really nice mp3 player (keep reading) if Steve Jobs didn’t get sick of how crappy mobile phones were in the early and mid 2000s. He challenged his team to shrink Mac OS X and put it into a handheld computer that made phone calls and also played music. I bought an iPhone in 2007 and never looked back from the crappy phones available of the time. I was also happy to get rid of my Palm Pilot.
Wisconsin is definitely happy to get rid of the mediocrity of last season, as evidenced by last week’s destruction of Central Michigan! They’re off this week.
#3 Penn State. 185 Points. Highest ranking 2, lowest 7. Last week #3
Apple in 2001 was a revitalized computer maker on account of the revenue from the iMac (see next entry), but Apple wasn’t yet on the path of becoming the industrial behemoth known now until they released their first music player, the iPod!
For our younger readers, playing music on a portable device 18 years ago meant using a portable CD player, or a crappy MP3 Player. Apple’s iPod made it elegant, and later on widespread. You didn’t need to buy a CD burner, you just needed to transfer files using iTunes (it’s being split up soon into separate apps).
I’m sure the cellar dwelling teams of the B1G East would love to reorganize the conference to make it more competitive, but they’re out of luck. Penn State is here to stay, and they’ve served notice so far in non-con play with a savage beatdown of Idaho and a closer game against Buffalo. This week they play their old rivals, the Pitt Panthers!
#4 Iowa. 175 points. Highest 3, Lowest 7. Last week #5
In 1997 Steve Jobs returned to Apple and pruned down Apple’s product offerings to just 4, but none of them had the amazing industrial design they have now. One year later Apple introduced the iMac, a candy colored all-in-one desktop computer that basically forced everyone to start using USB and got rid of the floppy disk drive! (Most mac users completely disdained the hockey puck mouse, but that’s neither here nor there)
Fans of other big ten teams completely disdain the Rutgers Scarlet Knights, and Iowa emphatically showed why in last week’s shutout of the clowns from New Jersey. This week is ¡El Assico! against Iowa State.
#5 Michigan State. 172 points. Highest 3, Lowest 7. Last week #6 (+1)
As soon as Apple created a decent handheld in the iPhone, it was inevitable that they would expand it to tablet size. The iPad debuted in 2010, and it’s absolutely fantastic. I love reading books on it and watching movies on planes with it.
Michigan State fans are very happy with Sparty’s 2-0 record comprised of wins over Tulsa and Western Michigan. This week they play the Arizona State Sun Devils.
App Store/iTunes Store/iBooks Store
#6 Maryland. 169 Points. Highest #3, Lowest #7. Last week #7 (+1)
Eventually, Apple created an API and an App Store for developers to create and submit apps, the official way to download applications safely onto your iOS (and derivative) devices.
As much as I enjoyed jailbreaking my iPhone in 2007/2008 to get apps via Cydia, I was eagerly awaiting an official app store. I’d rather my phone be as reliable as possible, and I’d prefer running seriously experimental software on my iPad.
Maryland fans have been eagerly awaiting a winner in College Park for years, to the point there’s more demand for student tickets than seats available. The Terrapins have been on a reign of destruction this year, demolishing hapless Howard 79-0 and ranked Syracuse(!) 63-20. I’m glad Northwestern doesn’t have to play them this year. Next week’s victims for the Terps are the Temple Owls.
#7 Michigan. 151 Points. Highest 3, Lowest 8. Last week #4 (-3)
Apple usually isn’t first to introduce products in a sector, but when they do, they deliver something quite nice and gradually improve on it. The Apple Watch is probably the market leading smart watch, and it’s much better than the Fitbit I previously had.
Michigan. Wow. Last week it took them 2 overtimes to beat Army. If Jim Harbaugh wears an Apple Watch, I wonder how bad his heart rate recordings were last week. The team can get their heart rates down with a bye week.
#8 Indiana. 102 Points. Highest 8, Lowest 13. Last week #11 (+3)
Apple is probably wise to stay out of the business of making TV sets, but they’re happy to sell you a wonderful set top box that integrates well with movies and tv shows purchased on iTunes, plus they’ve given developers the ability to create applications. I’ve got the 4k version of this set top box, and I’m seriously thinking of cutting the cord and just using YouTube TV on the Apple TV. Apple is also getting in the business of producing original content starting this fall.
Indiana’s fans fervently wish that their beloved Hoosiers would get in the business of beating Ohio State more than once in a generation or two. They’ll get another chance on Saturday. Good luck. Indiana this season has defeated Ball State and Eastern Illinois.
#9 Purdue. 99 points. Highest 8, Lowest 12. Last week #14 (+5)
Apple courageously eliminated the headphone jack on the iPhone a few year ago, and they’re happy to sell you a pair of wireless earbuds that work extremely well. I see AirPods all over Chicago, however I don’t use them myself. I use Sony’s new noise-cancelling earbuds, which have much better sound.
Purdue fans would be much happier if the Boilers defeated Nevada last week. This week they play the TCU Horned Frogs
PowerMac G4 Cube
#10 Nebraska. 74 points. Highest 8, Lowest 13. Last week 8 (-2)
Back in 2000, Nebraska was excellent at football, Bill Clinton was president, and Apple introduced a desktop computer that looked like a high-tech veggie slicer. It was an underpowered, ugly piece of crap. Luckily, this product didn’t last long.
The Husker faithful are eagerly awaiting favorite son Scott Frost to lead them back to glory, but they’re dealing with a few speed bumps along the way, like Nebraska’s overtime loss to former B1G foe Colorado.
#11 Illinois. 70 Points. Highest #5, Lowest #13. Last week 9 (-2)
Apple had a bunch of stupid ideas before Steve Jobs returned, and in the mid 90s one of them being a shitty, forgettable game console called the Bandai Pippin. 100,000 were manufactured, but only 42,000 were sold. These days, Apple’s in a much stronger position with games: the iPhone and iPad are legitimate portable gaming platforms, and they’re coming out with a new game service called Apple Arcade later this month.
The Fighting Illini somehow are 2-0, but they’re still a crappy team. I think Lovie Smith’s game is just coast until his firing and retire with the buyout money. He doesn’t give a crap: why else would he have that ugly beard?
#12 Minnesota. 62 Points. Highest #10, Lowest #13. Last week 12.
Sometimes Apple’s outgoing head of design Jony Ive has a few clunkers, like the far too cute looking mouse that came with the original iMac in 1998. It was so fucking awful that it basically started the market for replacement mice, like Microsoft’s Intellimouse, or better.
Minnesota is 2-0 right now, but their team is more flash than substantive. Just like this awful mouse. They play Georgia Southern on saturday.
#13 Northwestern. 55 Points. 1 Last place vote. Highest #8, Lowest 14. Last week #10.
Apple’s outgoing head of design Jony Ive prefers thin and sleek products above all else, and sometimes it backfires. The keyboard on the MacBook Pros from 2016 is prone to breaking because of dust getting inside of it, amongst other things. I protect my keys with a thin plastic film, as seen below (and highly recommend). However, I primarily don’t use this keyboard at work or home: I use an external split ergonomic keyboard and ergonomic mouse. It’s much better for your hands.
Northwestern fans are equally unhappy with our opening season loss to Stanford. However, there’s no repair program to send our team to when they’re underperforming: I guess the bye week we had last week will have to do. Yay. Another minicamp. This week the ‘Cats take on UNLV at home.
#14 Rutgers. 19 points. 16 last place votes! Highest 12, Lowest 14. Last week #13 (-1)
My fellow “writer” WSR came up with this beauty:
Congratulations on being the Newton, Rutgers!
An idea that was way ahead of it’s time (1st football game, 1st to use the term “PDA” and have handwriting capabilities) that is utterly useless today.
This week the hapless Scarlet Knights take on Boston College
What’s your favorite Apple product?
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How often do you get a new cell phone?
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after I pay it off
until it dies
What’s your cell phone running?
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