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Don’t Watch This; Watch That: Week 8 College Football Schedule Guide

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Really Long Destination Name ahead.

Minnesota vs. Wisconsin Big Ten football Photo by Mark Vancleave/Star Tribune via Getty Images

Based on an honest-to-goodness sign I saw on my campus this week, here is my current approach to life, work, and DWT;WT:

Off to talk to the Destination Name Family about getting an endowed chair in U.S History.

College Gameday comes to Minnesota this weekend. We’ll address down in the Saturday Evening section why any feelings of smugness from Minnesotans about having it for two consecutive home games are misplaced—not that it’ll stop them anyways, and that’s after they remember what happened in November. But what got me interested this week were a couple things:

  1. Having been to two of the three College Gamedays in Northwestern’s history (that’s right, Gophers, you still trail fucking Northwestern), including on the field with NUMB for the 2010 shit-stomping on One-Way Wrigley, I wondered what the worst blowouts were.
  2. Enjoying digital humanities and mapping, I randomly stumbled across a great map of all the 2019 Gameday locations through November.

Biggest Blowouts in Gameday History

If I get more time to finish the table, I’ll copy-pasta it in—as such, it’s already the afternoon and I’m very much in “DESTINATION NAME AHEAD” mode.

Overall: #4 Virginia Tech 62, #16 Syracuse 0. October 16, 1999; Syracuse also is the runner-up in this category, losing to #1 Miami-Florida 59-0 on 11/17/2001 while ranked 14th in the nation. Oof.

North Dakota State, obviously, holds the record in FCS but only finishes third on this list with its September 13, 2014 blowout of Incarnate Word, 58-0.

By the road team: #4 TCU def. #6 Utah in Salt Lake City, 47-7, on 11/6/2010.

College Gameday in 2019

Here’s that map I mentioned, from a dude in Waco named Bradley Ford. Cool mapping work, man:

It’s pretty cool. Hopping to the games.


Thursday

Don’t Watch This

{NFL} New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles [7:20pm, FOX/NFL]

{CONCACAF} Alajuelense vs. Cibao FC [5pm, FS2]
{CONCACAF} Municipal Limeno vs. Forge FC [7:15pm, FS2]
{CONCACAF} CD Motagua vs. Comunicaciones [9:30pm, FS2]

Watch That

Arkansas State Red Wolves at Appalachian St. Mountaineers

6:30pm | ESPN | App -13 | O/U 67

{MLS} Seattle Sounders vs. Portland Timbers

9:30pm | FS1

If you thought diving into the worlds of USL and EFL soccer led to some obscure-ass mentions, we’re into CONCACAF League soccer now—would you like to watch a lower-division Canadian club up against a Salvadoran champion? NOW YOU CAN. Would you like a porno version of the same thing? GIVE IT A COUPLE HOURS.

God bless the internet.

Poll

Happy Thursday! What’s on the TV?

This poll is closed

  • 40%
    SUN BELT FUN BELT
    (25 votes)
  • 21%
    I would rather watch two teams in the divisional hunt with a combined 2-9-1 record.
    (13 votes)
  • 4%
    Soccer, maybe?
    (3 votes)
  • 9%
    Out of protest I will watch nothing.
    (6 votes)
  • 22%
    Oh shit, this is a "lots of polls" kind of DWT;WT.
    (14 votes)
61 votes total Vote Now

Friday

Early Soccer Stuff

{Bundesliga} VFB Stuttgart vs. 1. FC Köln [1:30pm, ESPN+]
{Serie A} Sassuolo vs. Torino [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{EFL} Nottingham Forest vs. Derby County [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{SCO} Arbroath vs. Hearts of Midlothian [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{EPL} Aston Villa vs. Leeds United [2pm, NBCSN]
{La Liga} Elche vs. Valencia [2pm, beIN]

Don’t Watch This

Jacksonville State Gamecocks at Florida International Sunblazers (-10, O/U 59) [6pm, ESPN3]
Tulsa Golden Hurricane (-10.5, O/U 51) at South Florida Bulls [6:30pm, ESPN]

{MLB} Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Tampa Bay Rays [7:08pm, FOX]
{MLS} Nashville SC vs. New England Revolution [7:30pm, ESPN+]
{Liga MX} Puebla vs. Club Leon [7:30pm, TUDN]

Watch That

Illinois Fighting Illini at #14 Wisconsin Badgers

7pm | BTN | wisc -20 | O/U 51

Louisiana Ragin Cajuns at UAB Blazers

7pm | CBSSN | UL -1 | O/U 50

Big Ten football is back.

I honestly have no idea how I feel other than apprehensive, and if I watch a 56-14 mauling of Illinois’ run defense and then find out four days later than two Illini players and five Badgers test positive for COVID? Man. All so Ohio State can go to the College Football Playoff?

MY RAGIN’ CAJUNS lost their first game of the year to MY CHANTS last weekend—this UAB game should, honestly, be a good one. Two teams that have some explosiveness to their offensives but have a reasonably stout defense for Sun Belt clubs. Definitely somewhere to tune in if/when Nakia Watson rips off his third touchdown run in the third quarter.

Also, there’s the World Series happening. We should address it so we can get back to ignoring it. Unless the Rays win. That’s kinda fun, I guess. Part of what’s bummed me out about modern baseball is not the presence of “analytics”, but that it turns into meatheads on-air pretending they know what spin rate or exit velocity or launch angle means. It’s the “cyber” of the baseball world.

Drunks and a lamppost, and all that.

You know what? Not a bad idea. Take a shot every time the analyst says “analytics”.

I’m off to find a lamppost.

Poll

Friday night’s alright for...

This poll is closed

  • 75%
    Illinois-wisconsin
    (66 votes)
  • 4%
    Cajuns-Blazers
    (4 votes)
  • 3%
    ...Golden Hurricane-Bulls?
    (3 votes)
  • 1%
    ...Gamecocks-Panthers!
    (1 vote)
  • 7%
    Watching analyticsball
    (7 votes)
  • 4%
    Soccer, because why the hell not
    (4 votes)
  • 3%
    ...referencing Gilmore Girls episodes
    (3 votes)
88 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

Rutgers Scarlet Knights at Michigan State Spartans (-12.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, BTN]
#23 N.C. State Wolfpack at #14 North Carolina Tar Heels (-15.5, O/U 61) [11am, ESPN]
Oklahoma Sooners (-6.5, O/U 60) at TCU Horned Frogs [11am, ABC]
Kansas Jayhawks at #20 Kansas State Wildcats (-19.5, O/U 48.5) [11am, FS1]
UTEP Miners at Charlotte 49ers (-14.5, O/U 49.5) [11am, ESPN+
Florida State Seminoles at Louisville Cardinals (-5, O/U 61) [11am, ESPN3]
Mercer Bears at Army Black Knights (-30.5, O/U 51.5) [11am, CBSSN]
Syracuse Orange at #1 Clemson Tigers (-45.5, O/U 61.5) [11am, ACCN]
Auburn Tigers (-3, O/U 70.5) at Ole Miss Rebels [11am, SECN]
Southern Miss Golden Eagles at Liberty Biberty (-10, O/U 63) [12pm, ESPN3]

{Serie A} Genoa vs. Inter Milan [11am, ESPN+]
{EPL} Manchester United vs. Chelsea [11:30am, NBCSN]
{Bundesliga} Borussia Dortmund vs. Schalke 04 [11:30pm, ESPN+]
{La Liga} Sevilla vs. Eibar [11:30am, beIN]

Watch That

Nebraska Cornhuskers at #5 Ohio State Buckeyes

11am | FOX | OSU -26 | O/U 67.5

Georgia Southern Eagles at #25 Coastal Carolina Chanticleers

11am | ESPNU | CCU -5.5 | O/U 52

Temple Owls at Memphis Tigers

11am | ESPN+ | Memphis -13.5 | O/U 71.5

I like this move that the AAC is making toward being earlier-in-the-day Mountain West-style action. Temple doesn’t have the horses to run with Memphis all day, but Anthony Russo should be able to toss a few touchdowns and bring out the best in the Tigers.

The action for me is Georgia Southern-Coastal Carolina. The COWARDS out there in the AP Poll have finally ranked Our Chanticleers, and I for one am excited to see the continued chaos in SUN BELT FUN BELT.

As for the rest?

Yes.

Poll

Wakey wakey, hands off

This poll is closed

  • 50%
    I wanna see the dead body
    (37 votes)
  • 5%
    Georgia Southern-Coastal Carolina
    (4 votes)
  • 1%
    Temple-Memphis
    (1 vote)
  • 26%
    I am the person who would like to watch Rutgers-Michigan State
    (19 votes)
  • 16%
    Something else on this list
    (12 votes)
73 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

Iowa Hawkeyes (-3, O/U 53.5) at Purdue Boilermakers [2:30pm, BTN]
Abilene Christian Wildcats (-2.5, O/U 50.5) at Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks [12:30pm, ESPN3]
Tulane Green Wave at UCF Citronauts (-20, O/U 72.5) [1pm, ESPN2]
Florida Atlantic Owls at #22 Marshall Thundering Herd (-16.5, O/U 51) [1:30pm, Stadium]
Central Arkansas Bears at Eastern Kentucky Colonels [2pm, ESPN3]
#2 Alabama Crimson Tide (-21, O/U 66) at Tennessee Volunteers [2:30pm, CBS]
#3 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-10.5, O/U 43.5) at Pittsburgh Panthers [2:30pm, ABC]
#19 Virginia Tech Hokies (-9, O/U 68.5) at Wake Forest Demon Deacons [2:30pm, ESPN3]
Houston Cougars (-14, O/U 55) at Navy Midshipmen [2:30pm, CBSSN]
Baylor Bears at Texas Longhorns (-8.5, O/U 61) [2:30pm, ESPN]
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Boston College Eagles (-3.5, O/U 54.5) [3pm, ACCN]
Chattanooga Mocs at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (-14, O/U 54) [3pm, ESPN3]
Kentucky Wildcats (-5.5, O/U 47) at Mizzou Tigers [3pm, SECN]
West Virginia Mountaineers (-3, O/U 55) at Texas Tech Red Raiders [4:30pm, ESPN2]

{Serie A} Lazio vs. Bologna [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{EPL} Liverpool vs. Sheffield United [2pm, Peacock]
{La Liga} Atletico Madrid vs. Real Betis [2pm, beIN]
{Ligue 1} Paris-Saint Germain vs. Dijon [2pm, beIN]
{MLS} Inter Miami vs. Orlando City SC [2:30pm, MLS]
{MLS} Atlanta United vs. DC United [3pm, ESPN+]

Watch That

#8 Penn State Nittany Lions at Indiana Hoosiers

2:30pm | FS1 | PSU -6.5 | O/U 58.5

#17 Iowa State Cyclones at Oklahoma State Cowboys

2:30pm | ABC | OKSt -3.5 | O/U 52

Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders at Rice Owls

2:30pm | ESPN3 | Rice -3.5 | O/U 50.5

Georgia State Panthers at Troy Trojans

3pm | ESPNU | Troy -2.5 | O/U 68.5

There are too many football games.

I’m not afraid to say it: You should just be able to simulate P5 non-matter games like Georgia Tech-Boston College. Oh wow, BC won 19-18 on a last-second field goal and all their scoring consisted of field goals, safeties, and spare change that they found in the couch cushion? GREAT! One step closer to maybe being eligible for a bowl game they won’t get invited to because they’re the Northwestern of the ACC.

Excited to watch Charlie Brown get the ball pulled away from him again. It beats watching the lifeless corpse that is Iowa-Purdue. You can simulate that one, too.

Poll

Saturday afternoon, and while MNW’s BAC is approaching .2, I’ll watch...

This poll is closed

  • 39%
    Penn State-Indiana
    (34 votes)
  • 9%
    Iowa State-Oklahoma State
    (8 votes)
  • 0%
    MTSU-Rice? Really?
    (0 votes)
  • 5%
    Georgia State-Troy for some points and stupidity
    (5 votes)
  • 38%
    Watch Iowa "bravely" overcome "adversity" while Jeff Brohm is out with COVID and wonder why the fuck we’re playing football this fall
    (33 votes)
  • 6%
    I dunno, something else
    (6 votes)
86 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Maryland Terrapins at Northwestern Wildcats (-11, O/U 55) [6:30pm, BTN]
South Carolina Gamecocks at LSU Tigers (-6, O/U 56) [6pm, ESPN]
ULM Warhawks at South Alabama Jaguars (-14.5, O/U 56.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Utah State Aggies at Boise State Broncos (-16.5, O/U 53.5) [6pm, FS1]
Virginia Cavaliers at Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-12.5, O/U 58) [7pm, ACCN]
Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (-1.5, O/U 52.5) at UTSA Roadrunners [7pm, ESPNU]

{MLB} Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Tampa Bay Rays [7:08pm, FOX]
{MLS} New York City FC vs. Montreal Impact [7:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Chicago Fire vs. New York Red Bulls [7:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} FC Cincinnati vs. Minnesota United FC [7:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Philadelphia Union vs. Toronto FC [7:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Houston Dynamo vs. Columbus Crew [8pm, ESPN+]
{USL} Louisville City vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies [7:30pm, ESPN+]
{USL} Forward Madison vs. New England II [8pm, ESPN+]
{USL} Union Omaha vs. Fort Lauderdale [8pm, ESPN+]

Watch That

#18 Michigan Wolverines at #21 Minnesota Golden Gophers

6:30pm | ABC | Mich -3 | O/U 54.5

Hawaii Rainbow Warriors at Fresno State Bulldogs

6:30pm | Team1Sports | Fresno -4 | O/U 67

Wyoming Cowboys at Nevada Wolf Pack

6pm | CBSSN | Wyo -4.5 | O/U 51

As recently as 2002-03, College Football Gameday ended the season in Columbus [Michigan-Ohio State] and began the next season there as well [Washington-Ohio State]. Hell, even the first two Gamedays were, back-to-back, in South Bend, Indiana.

So lest you feel too good about yourselves, Minnesota...

Oh, who am I kidding, if you care you’ve already jumped to the comments to say “YEAH BUT NORTHWESTERN ___”. I’m sure it’s witty. I’ll try to get to it later.

MOUNTAIN WEST IS BACK. Honestly, Maryland-Northwestern is on right now and while I’ll watch it because MY ‘CATS or whatever, Hawaii-Fresno will certainly be ON.

And let’s talk about how.

That is how the Mountain West Conference, a legitimate G5 conference with outside playoff hopes and a definite interest in the Cotton Bowl every year, is getting its games online—apparently by letting Fresno State and Hawaii duke it out on what’s called “Team1Sports”.

As a proud subscriber to NEC Front Row—YOUR source for Central Connecticut Blue Devils and Bryant Bears basketball—I am all over this.

Poll

Saturday night! Grill’s fired up, I’ve slurred my way through a Zoom tailgate with friends, and now it’s time for...

This poll is closed

  • 69%
    Michigan-Minnesota
    (53 votes)
  • 2%
    Hawaii-Fresno State! Bring on Team1Sports!
    (2 votes)
  • 0%
    Wyoming-Nevada
    (0 votes)
  • 13%
    Maryland-Northwestern
    (10 votes)
  • 0%
    Sakerlina-LSU
    (0 votes)
  • 0%
    Tell me more about LaTech-UTSA...
    (0 votes)
  • 3%
    All this Mountain West bullshit, and you don’t choose Utah State-Boise State?
    (3 votes)
  • 10%
    Watching the World Series and taking a shot every time they say "Analytics"
    (8 votes)
76 votes total Vote Now

IT’S LATE, I’M DRUNK, AND THERE’S FOOTBALL ON

Don’t Watch This

Texas State Bobcats at #12 BYU Cougars (-28.5, O/U 60.5)
UNLV Rebels at San Diego State Aztecs (-15, O/U 49) [9:30pm, CBSSN]

{MLS} Real Salt Lake vs. FC Dallas [8:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Vancouver Whitecaps vs. San Jose Earthquakes [9pm, ESPN+]
{USL} Phoenix Rising vs. El Paso Locomotive [9:30pm, ESPN+]
{USL} North Texas vs. Tormenta [8:30pm, ESPN+]

Watch That

#9 Cincinnati Bearcats at #16 SMU Mustangs

8pm | ESPN2 | SMU -2.5 | O/U 55.5

Air Force Falcons at San Jose State Spartans

9:30pm | FS1 | AFA -7 | O/U 62.5

I want to just put my feet up on a table, satisfied that I’ll be watching bad football well into the wee hours of the morning. We made it, everyone.

Poll

You walk into the bar. You...

This poll is closed

  • 100%
    ...remember that there’s a pandemic going on and that you should be at home.
    (48 votes)
48 votes total Vote Now

Poll

It’s late, I’m drunk, I’m home, and there’s football on! What is it?

This poll is closed

  • 21%
    Cincy-SMU
    (14 votes)
  • 12%
    Air Force-San Jose State
    (8 votes)
  • 4%
    Texas State-BYU
    (3 votes)
  • 9%
    UNLV-San Diego State—MORE BRADY HOKE, PLEASE
    (6 votes)
  • 6%
    Soccer, maybe?
    (4 votes)
  • 15%
    Whatever the bar has on. Fuck you, MNW.
    (10 votes)
  • 29%
    lol i passed out hours ago
    (19 votes)
64 votes total Vote Now

Enjoy the games, everyone. B1G Back. Here’s the open thread for the next couple days.

Go Really Long Destination Name!