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Where We Be, What We Be Drinking: Week 1

Your “writers” are back and drunker than ever

My god everyone, we actually made it. It still doesn’t feel real that Big Ten football is back, but I guess nothing from this year feels normal, does it? You all know the drill: Where We Be, What We Be Drinking is our weekly segment where we share the various ways we’ll be poisoning our livers in celebration and/or despair.

Words can’t express how happy I am to actually be back this season. Let’s get started:


I’m getting up at 7:30 to watch West Ham play what will hopefully not be their last game of the season with a positive goal differential. Game time snacks for the afternoon are already taken care of: I have a rack of ribs in my sous vide right now. Right before kickoff I’ll take them out (they’ll have been cooking for 24 hours) and finish them in the broiler. I’m also going to have a couple crowlers from Champion brewery delivered, whatever is seasonal.


I’m going to go watch games with my mom (we are able to distance effectively while we do this.) We have a British bakery in town, and they sell “tea in a tin.” I’m going to surprise my mom with that, as we’re both Anglophiles. Also, supporting local business!

Dead Read

I will be barricaded in beautiful downtown Lincoln. Let’s get this first one over with.


I’ll be at home, drinking local brews from revolution brewing.


At home with kids. I’m at home with small kids all the time. This is my life:

I’ll probably have a beer.


I’m in my got damn house. probably with Andrew. hopefully I’m drinking an IPA that will have a name once I try it, though I think Simpcoe would be aight for a name. it is an IPA though, so it needs some sort of pun.

How about

  • Oh My God The Hops Are Closing In Around Me double dry hopped IPA
  • The Only Comfort I Have Is An Unsettling Certainty That I’m Living In A Malfunctioning Simcoe-ulation
  • Hops And Dreams: An IPA That Is Crushed By Modern America

Oh and also a hard root beer that hopefully isn’t ass.


Coaching a doubleheader baseball game from 9-230 and then heading home to start drinking and watch a well timed night game for Maryland.


Oh shit right! WWBWWBD! I’ll be on a Zoom tailgate with my NU friends, getting hopefully just as stupid drunk as I would before this dumbass Big Ten game, but without pants and in the comfort of my own living room.

Those beverages will be a sampling of >8% crowlers from Lupulin Brewing in Big Lake, MN, plus a leftover imperial rocky road stout from Junkyard Brewing in Moorhead, MN.

I do not expect to remember the second half.

Candystripes for Breakfast

I’ll be heading into work about the middle of the IU game, so I’ll probably have seen the most competitive bits before I go. Football will be on the TVs for the rest of the evening, so at least I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.


I’ll be in St. Paul being responsibly socially distanced and enjoying a few Grain Belts while we watch the Gophers and are kept warm by some space heaters that I’ve magnanimously agreed to test out for work.

That’s it for your “writers”, but this is a community segment so head on down to the comments and let us know what you’ll be doing for the Big Ten’s triumphant surreal and perhaps ill-advised return.