Note: This article has been in draft form since September 29th, 2019. Most updates are either italicized (blanks finally filled) or strikethroughs.
The impossible has happened, Rutger won a conference game! And just as importantly, Michibutt State lost to Rutger, earning the moniker the Shartans and becoming the new holders of the Chris Ass Memorial B1G Butt Trophy!
Rutgers snaps a brown streak of 15 consecutive Buttfenses, which is
the second most all-time the most since the 2011-13 Wiping Illini. Not even Chris Ash himself could match the ineptitude of the 1978-82 NorthAsstern WildButts. Already the owner of the best name in the conference, Coach Nunzio Campanile, Returning savior, Coach Greg Schiano, only needed one game to pass the Butt.
Your New Butt Holders
Now that all the Rutger niceties are out of the way, let's talk about the new reigning chumpions, the Michibutt State Shartans. Sharty hasn't held the Butt in over a decade, with the last reign being but one game in November 2009. Coach Mel Pucker really shit the bed in a game they never led. Matter of fact, MSU has been not losing for less than 4 minutes so far. A worthy title holder indeed.
Sharty still has plenty of opportunities to avoid going to the offseason holding the Butt, with upcoming games against Michigan, Iowa, Indiana, Maryland, Northwestern, and Penn State, any of whom can be just bad enough on gameday to seize the crown. There are multiple ways Rutger regains their porcelain throne. Maybe the most fun is if Michigan loses to Michibutt State this week, then holds the Butt until November 21st.
Happy for our OTE Rutger regulars, even RUmpSore, who dared question my maturity.
Happy for waw. His overall bad karma caused this.
Buttgers, and all its derivatives, has only officially gone away from this feature. M1EK will be by shortly with further preparation instructions.