Big Ten Power Polls

Week Four Power Poll: The Bottle Rockets

Baby, you’re a firework. Or a piece of work.

By BigRedTwice Nov 18, 2020, 12:15pm CST

LL Sota

BRT here! This week’s Power Poll was written by LL Sota. I have never heard of the bottle rockets, except for the firework kind, so please direct all complaints accordingly. Thanks to LL Sota for submitting this, WhiteSpeedReceiver for making the graphs, my fellow “writers” for voting, and you, dear readers, for reading/bitching.

*This has to be one of the messiest Week 4 graphs we’ve ever had.*

I recently got into working class music pretty heavy. Probably something about risking my life for minimum wage all summer. Though I recently got a $2/hr raise, heck yeah! That’s more than enough for me to cancel the Red Revolution I had planned next month. I am now totally willing to stab my union in the back. Just kidding. We don’t get unions in Arizona. But anyway, allow me to introduce you to the greatest working class band of all time. Straight outta Festus, Missouri, the Bottle Rockets!

Ohio State #1 - Radar Gun

First Place Votes: 11 High: 1 Low: 3 Last week: 1

By far the band’s biggest hit, peaking at #27 on the rock charts in 1995, Ohio State is likewise by far the most successful team in the B1G. It’s almost like they enforce a speed limit on the rest of us that they get to ignore. They make their money picking on the little guy, but when we actually call them for something they don’t show up and Clemson blanks them. Hopefully Indiana will be one of the lucky few to outrun the law.

Wisconsin #2 - Indianapolis

FPV: 1 High: 1 Low: 6 LW: 4

Can’t go West. Can’t go East.

I’m stuck in Indianapolis [cause Covid has increased.]

Wisconsin got sick and were out of the game for 2 weeks. Who knows what it’ll cost them when it’s all tallied up? But it looks like they got their van back and they’re going to burn as much road as they can.

Indiana #3 - Pot of Gold

FPV: 1 High: 1 Low: 5 LW: 2

Indiana has a Spittoon, a Bucket, a win over Penn State, and a win over Michigan. This season is their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Northwestern #4 - I’ll Be Comin’ Around

FPV: 1 High: 1 Low: 4 LW: 3

It’s looking more and more like Northwestern will be the one to take advantage of Wisconsin’s extended absence and get a backdoor B1G West Title. Good for them.

Purdue #5 - Middle Man

High: 4 Low: 6 LW: 4

Brohm’s Purdue is once again on track for a decent, not great, season. Same as always.

Iowa #6 - Building Chryslers

High: 5 Low: 7 LW: 6

Kirk has tenure. He don’t care how the program turns out. He (and his son) have bills to pay.

Maryland #7 - Lucky Break

High: 4 Low: 8 LW: 5

I took a little fall, [got a little cold]

Now I ain’t [in Ohio], now I’m here at home

Guy like me don’t get many lucky breaks

So when he gets a good one, he grabs all he can take

I [got plague] so here I lay

Just beat Penn State so everything’s okay

[Ignoring the severity of the plague for sake of analogy] Maryland dodged a bullet not having to play Ohio State. And it came at the best possible time, because they get to revel in their victory over Penn State for another week.

Nebraska #8 - Smoking 100s Alone

High: 8 Low: 12 LW: 13 (Ed. Note: That’s a hell of a bounce for a one winless team beating another winless team)

Thinking ‘bout the man that done her wrong

Happy that she kicked him out but sad that he is gone...

Feeling more like a loser as each minute drags on

She’s smoking 100’s alone

Miss Bo yet?

Illinois #9 - Welfare Music

Last Place Votes: 1 High: 5 Low: 14 LW: 14

Illinois had a hard time lately. They’ve been in poverty for more than a decade. Will they ever stand a chance?

Minnesota #10 - Kerosene

High: 9 Low: 13 LW: 10

You ever see that damned thing, that burned out shell?

[That’s a Minnesotan who thought this might go well]

Rutgers #11 - Gravity Falls

High: 8 Low: 13 LW: 8

Rutgers was an absolute mess getting worse and worse. Spinning in circles with no end in sight. Then they got down on their baby blue jeans and begged their Greg Schiano to come back. It appears to have given them more stability.