First things first: A bluebook-style prompt to entertain you in the comment sections. Two days ago I asked a question in the Fanshots. What is a food you avoided or never tried when you were younger that you now strongly regret having waited so long to eat? This isn’t a food that you tried when you were 10 and hated and didn’t try again until you were older and then loved it. This is a food you purposefully avoided for any reason, good or bad, but that when you finally ate it turned out to be delicious.

Mine is deviled eggs. The idea of eating cold eggs with weird yellow shit on top seemed bad enough, but deviled eggs (and all hard boiled eggs, tbh) smell horrific. What right-thinking person is going to put that stinky awfulness in the place where you taste tastes?

Alas, it turns out I missed 20+ years of eating deviled eggs at brunches and buffets and holidays and they are DELICIOUS. Scoop that yolk out, mash it up with some salt, pepper, yellow mustard, pickle relish, and a little bit of pickle juice. Oh and plenty of OTE’s favorite condiment: mayonnaise! Scoop it back in the egg, sprinkle some spicy paprika on type and hell yes. Gimme eight of those bad boys.

Anyway, what do you have for your fellow readers and commentors? The weirder the better. The more detail the better. Please provide the hashtag content that the readers actually want and that I can only hope to provide.

OTE’s Offensive Player of Week 5

Master Teague III - RB - Ohio State Buckeyes

26 carries, 169 yards, 2 TDs

I really didn’t want to put an OSU player here. I actually wanted to put Ty Fryfogle (see below) in this spot. Believe it or not, though, there was something of a consensus on the OTE Slack that Master Teague III should get the OTE OPOTW award this week. Apparently the Indiana Hoosiers, Teague’s Week 5 opponent, have a “pretty good defense” in the words of Andrew K., the MSU writer. What’s more, in the words of noted nerd and exceptionally reasonable and objectinve Northwestern Fan, MNWildcat, “Yeah [Teague] should probably get it. So here we are, giving an OSU player a pretty significant award and I hate it.

Speaking of hating it, we need to have a discussion about Minnesota Golden Gophers running back Mohammed Ibrahim and how good he is this year. Very. Great, now we can move on.

J/k that’s not all. According to that same Andrew K., in what can only be described as unverified research, Ibrahim is on pace to beat Wisconsin Badgers former running back Montee Ball’s single-season touchdown record. Ibrahim has approximately 348 TDs so far this season after notching three more this past weekend (in a game where he went 25/102 against...someone). Ibrahim has been insane this year, scoring more frequently than Leroy Hoard on 2nd and Goal from the 2 yard line, and really impressively shining in an offense that is loaded with other talented players. Given how bad Minnesota’s defense is/was supposed to be (I haven’t been paying attention), Ibrahim getting and capitalizing on the chance to score so often and rack up so many yards is impressive. You know, cuz bad defenses have to throw a lot. Anyway, great job great season so far Ibrahim, it just kinda sucks that he’s not going to get a chance to be shut down by Wisconsin this coming weekend.

Honorable Mentions for OTE Offensive POTW

Ty Fryfogle - WR - Indiana; 7 rec 218 yds 3 TDs
Reader(s?) of this colum will know just how much I like and have been impressed with Mr. Fryfogle this season. This past weekend was no different, torching what is always a NFL-talent laden OSU secondary (at least on paper/recruiting stars) for another gigantic day. No I’m not at all nervous about the Wisconsin-Indiana game later this season why do you ask.

David Bell - WR - Purdue; 8 rec 104 yds, 2 TDs
As I hilariously quipped in the OTE Slack, more like Whodale Moore! I assume so many “lols” are rolling in from my fellow writers that they all got clogged in the narrow internet tube and I’ll be seeing them soon. Bell is very good, showed it last year in Moore’s absence, and is showing it again this year in Moore’s until-recently absence.

Cade McNamara - QB - Michigan; 27/36, 260 yards, 4 pass TDs, 1 rush TD
I know, I know. He did it against Rutgers, but that actually counts for something this year! Also, it is uber rare a Michigan offensive player under Jim Harbaugh puts up a stat line good enough to earn some recognition, and this column is nothing if not fair in every way, so McNamara’s gotta get it. Plus, objectively, five total TDs is a very good day.

OTE’s Defensive Player of Week 5

Daviyon Nixon - Defense Tackle - Iowa Hawkeyes

5 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 1 interception, 1 71-yard fat guy interception return TD

From the last two weeks’ POTW column:

OTE’s Player of the Week doesn’t have a ton of hard-and-fast rules. In fact, we purposely avoid too many rules because then I can let my personal biases influence the winners and HonMens without worrying too much. For DPOTW and STPOTW, though, we have a long standing, clear rule: If you return something for a touchdown, you win (or tie if there are multiples).

I’ve been writing this column for three years now, and this is the first season I can remember a defensive TD in back-to-back-to-back weeks. What’s more, this week I had the option to choose between Nixon and Shaun Wade, the Ohio State cornerback who also had a pick-six (3 tackles, 1 pass defended, 1 INT, 1 TD). Why did I choose Nixon? Two very important reasons: One, OSU deserves as little recognition as possible. Two, and much more importantly, Nixon is gigantic and got to run fast for a long way.

Just an EXTREMELY good play from Nixon, and as you may have heard, it apparently “sealed the deal” for Iowa’s win over what is technically a football team from Penn State. So sorry, Wade, it’s Nixon’s week.

Honorable Mentions for OTE Defensive POTW

I had eight differently players on my list of possible DPOTW candidates who had a fumble recovery or an interception, and I know for sure there were even more of those who didn’t make the initial cut. B1G 2020 is all about the turnovers, and all our teams are turning it over and insane rates.

Jake Hansen - LB - Illinois; 7 tackles, 2.5 TFL, 1 fumble recovery, 1 INT
Hansen continuing his 8th straight year of being an exceptional Big Ten linebacker.

Brandon Joseph - DB - Northwestern; 7 tackles, 1 INTs
Mother effing Northwestern defensive backs.

Jamar Johnson - DB - Indiana; 5 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 1 pass defended, 2 INTs
Hot dang what a stat line. I can see why some thing of Indiana’s defense as “pretty good.”

OTE’s Special Teams Player of Week 5

Giles Jackson - KR - Michigan Wolverines

4 returns, 39.8 yard return average, 95 long, 1 TD

Sigh. Another Wolverine. Rules are rules, though and Giles Jackson returned a kickoff for a touchdown in a game that Michigan won? lost? does it matter?

Phew, let’s get to the spiritual winner of this weeks’ OTE STPOTW: Illinois Punter Blake Hayes on a fake punt juking the absolute pants off the ghost that was about to tackle him.

Blake Hayes - P - Illinois Fighting Illini
1 carry, 16 yards, 1 first down.

Before we get to the HonNoms, we gotta talk about the best punting team in the country: Iowa. Going into Saturday’s game, Iowa led the nation in net punting yard average, and led the next closest team by nearly half a yard per punt. Net punting yard average is the total punting yards, minus the punt return yards, all divided by the number of punts. Before Saturday’s game, Iowa’s opponents had netted NEGATIVE 8 YARDS ON PUNT RETURNS. In other words, take all of the punt yards accumulated by ST POTY frontrunner Tory Taylor then ADD 8 YARDS TO THAT TOTAL then divide by total number of punts.

Taylor has been a superb punter this year. He’s punted 25 times and had zero touchbacks. We all know Iowa and Ferentz love and excel at punting, but this year it’s on another level. Taylor doesn’t/won’t have the highest average punt distance, but when you never punt it through the back and you get 10-12 seconds of hangtime, you’re gonna have a good stat line.

Shockingly, Iowa gave up two “big” punt returns Saturday against Penn State. Dotson, PSU’s punt returner, managed returns of 13 and 15 yards on two of Taylor’s punts (with the other three being downed, downed, and fair caught), and honestly Dotson should probably get an HonNom for those two punt returns. In any event, Taylor is REALLY good, and we here at OTE are so sorry it took so long to catch on.

Here are the punting stats I used. They haven’t been updated yet, but when they are, I assume Iowa will still be first in net punting yards.

Honorable Mentions for OTE’s Special Teams POTW

Andy Vujnovich, Derek Adams - P - Wisconsin and Northwestern; 17 total punts
Neither was particularly awesome, but these two gentlemen ran a combined seventeen plays between them in a single game. Big Ten: Punt the Fever.

Tory Taylor - P - Iowa; 6 punts 44.4 avg 47 long
See above

Jordan Stout - P - Penn State; 4 punts 45.3 avg 52 long
PLEASE. I’m BEGGING YOU. If you know a reliable site where I can get information on punts inside the 20 yard line, let me know.