Happy Thanksgiving!

I’ve done my good deed for the day, settled back on the couch with a Summit Dark Infusion and some egg nog in my coffee, and it’s time to lose weight by osmosis—that’s how that works, yes? I’m very scientific—until I pound back a couple pounds of turkey and stuffing in the name of ceremony.

In putting together all the basketball games—and subsequently modifying the schedule because fully 14 of the 39 today have been canceled, rescheduled, reworked, or postponed—and looking at Our Lord and Savior Kenpom, I was reminded: WE’VE GOT SOME NEW FRIENDS!

Four schools have made the jump to Division 1 basketball this season, and while they’re surely on some random provisional schedule for when they can play in the NCAA Tournament—none are making the jump to FBS football, either—I don’t care about that. I care what weird shit we can learn about them and where we can watch their ga—

—oh my god, there’s a “tradition” that involves someone in a Scream mask walking around campus at one of these schools.

Bellarmine Knights

Who: Bellarmine University
Where: Louisville, KY
Conference: Atlantic Sun
Football?: No.

Bellarmine has been playing D-I lacrosse since 2005, so perhaps they’re familiar to a couple of us. To the rest, they’re a private Catholic university founded in 1950 in Louisville. They do bring some athletic success to the ranks of Division 1, rather than moving up for financial and prestige reasons—the Knights won the 2011 Division II national championship over BYU-Hawaii and have twelve straight seasons of 20+ wins.

There’s not much mockable about that knight, though his name is Valor—leave those names to XFL teams, Bellarmine.

Other Traditions:

• In 1950 basketball player Ted Wade became the first Black player to integrate a college basketball team in Kentucky.
• From this student traditions page, there’s, uh, not a ton. It looks like your run-of-the-mill Catholic university in a major metropolitan area. Except HOLD ON, THAT PICTURE:

Bellarmine University

ENHAAAAAAAANCE:

COME TO BELLARMINE; YOU’LL LOVE IT AND I DO TOO

Dixie State Trailblazers

Who: Dixie State University
Where: St. George, UT
Conference: WAC
Football?: Yes (independent).

Seriously, is EVERYTHING in Utah white as shit?

...I know the answer. It’s rhetorical.

Head to the southwestern Utah city of St. George for Dixie State University. Why Dixie? Because the Mormons tried to grow cotton there. And yep, you guessed it! A few of them enslaved African Americans. Because of. fucking. course.

Nonetheless, Dixie State was a Mormon college at its 1911 founding, then became a normal school, junior college, and finally a university in 2013.

Did they originally lean heavily into the whole “Dixie” bullshit?

Nope! They waited ‘til the 1950s—you know, right after Harry Truman integrated the armed forces and as civil rights were becoming a national issue—to adopt the “Rebel” as their mascot, which remained until 2009.

And, friends? Shit was and is just as racist as you imagine:

By 1960, the Confederate flag was flown as a school symbol.” [...] On a “parade float called ‘Gone With the Plow,’ dating from the late 1960s, a man with his skin painted black pushe[d] a plow while a white student, formally dressed with a top hat, [held] what appear to be reins or a whip.”

John Jones and Dannelle Larsen-Rife wrote on behalf of the Southern Utah Anti-Discrimination Coalition, listing many Confederacy-related activities at the College: “black-face minstrel shows (through October 2012), mock slave auctions (through the early 1990s), Confederate flags (continuing to the present), and numerous other associations to the Confederacy prevalent on this campus (The “Rebel” mascot as recently as 2008, True Rebel Night is ongoing; The Dixie Confederate Yearbook into the 1990s).”

Cool. Cool cool cool. Welcome and fuck you, Dixie State.

UC-San Diego Tritons

Who: University of California-San Diego
Where: Where the hell you think?
Conference: Big West
Football?: No—amusingly, the school sponsored football in 1968 only. You will be stunned to learn the team went 0-7.

As Cal State-Bakersfield leaves the WAC to join the Big West—to be replaced by Southwest Utah Junior Racist College and another who we’ll talk about—they’ll be joined by UC San Diego, part of the University of California System and further confusing me during basketball season when I try to type out the San Diego schools.

Thankfully, is there a better city for college mascots than San Diego? I’m all ears, if so, because in San Diego we’ve got:

• San Diego State Aztecs
• San Diego Toreros
• UC San Diego Tritons

That’s a banger of a list. All I can think of for such original mascots in one city:

• Portland: Vikings (Portland State) and Pilots (U of Portland)
• New Orleans: Green Wave (Tulane) and Privateers (U of New Orleans)
• Jacksonville: Dolphins (Jacksonville U.) and Ospreys (U of North Florida)
• Begrudgingly, New York: Jaspers (Manhattan), Sharks (LIU), Terriers (St. Francis Brooklyn), Rams (Fordham), Seahawks (Wagner), but ruined by Red Storm (St. John’s) and Lions (Columbia)
• No, Chicago does not make this list, even excluding Northwestern.

Tarleton State Texans

Who: Tarleton State University
Where: Stephenville, TX
Conference: WAC
Football?: Yes (independent).

Oh great, another marginal Texas D-1 basketball team. (Great colors, at least!)

Tarleton State, an agricultural college that’s a part of the Texas A&M system, is making the leap from the Lone Star Conference to Division 1 as part of a broader University effort to bolster its status within the A&M System—the University is also angling to become the seventh U.S. senior military college, a la The Citadel or Texas A&M.

Seems fun! Apparently playing Chicago State in basketball is the way you make that happen.

Thankfully, they have Noted All-Around Good Guy Billy Gillespie—yes, that Billy Gillespie—as their basketball head coach. So this’ll be fun!

Other Traditions:

• Their original mascot, until 1961, was the Plowboy, which is (1) objectively a better name than “Texans”, but (2) would get the shit mocked out of them. The women’s teams used to be called the TexAnns, but thankfully Texas became more progressive on those issues and made women’s teams the “Texans”, too...in 2019. Progress!
• Fight song is knock-off “On wisconsin”, which is terrible.
• Their founder, John Tarleton, allegedly had a pet duck that followed him around campus, and now you can find rubber ducks all over the campus. ...fun?
• OH WHAT THE HELL

That’s the “Purple Poo”, an on-campus spirit squad who “keep their identities secret by appearing in public in costume” until they are unmasked at the end of their senior year.

NO, Tarleton. NO. BAD Tarleton. What the HELL, Texas?

Thanksgiving Day Noon-Time

Don’t Watch This

{NFL} Houston Texans at Detroit Lions [11:30am, CBS]

{CBB} Western Kentucky vs. Memphis [11am, ESPN — Sioux Falls]
{CBB} Bradley at Xavier (-11, O/U 139.5) [11am, FS1]

{Europa League} MANY GAMES [inc. Molde-Arsenal], all on CBS All-Access [11:55am]

Watch That

{CBB} Chicago St. Cougars at #8 Illinois

11am | BTN | Illinois -37, O/U 146.5

{CBB} #6 Kansas at #1 Gonzaga Bulldogs

12:30pm | FOX | Zaga -3.5 | O/U 147.5

{Coppa Italia} Torino vs. Virtus Entella [7am, ESPN+]
{Indian Super League} Kerala Blasters vs. Northeast United [8am, ESPN+]
{Coppa Italia} Sampdoria vs. Genoa [10am, ESPN+]

Want a full summary of the basketball games on? Find those here:

As we talk about all this soccer, too, I want to brag very briefly on MY FAROES!

That’s right, the Faroe Islands—a rocky set of islands in the North Atlantic who are an overseas dependency of Denmark with under 50,000 people living there—outlasted Latvia, Malta, and Andorra to earn promotion out of one of the D groups of Europa League with a 1-1 tie at Malta a week ago Tuesday.

Will they spend 2022 getting their doors blown off by Greece, Bulgaria, and Turkey? Probably. But goddamn it’s fun to watch a small island nation do big things in soccer.

COME ON YOU FAROES.

Thanksgiving Day Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

{NFL} Washington Football Team at Dallas Cowboys [3:30pm, FOX]

{CBB} La Salle Explorers at St. John’s Red Storm (-10, O/U 143) [1pm, FS1]
{CBB} Bad Boy Mowers Semifinal [1:30pm, ESPN]
{CBB} Northern Iowa Panthers vs. St Marys-CA Gaels [4pm, ESPN — Sioux Falls]

{Europa League} MANY GAMES [inc. Tottenham Hotspur-Ludogorets], all on CBS All-Access [2pm]
{Copa Sudamericana} River Plate vs. Universidad Catolica [4:15pm, beIN]

Watch That

{CBB} Nevada at Nebraska

1pm | BTN | UNL -3.5 | O/U 152

{CBB} Auburn vs. Saint Joseph’s Hawks

3:30pm | FS1 | Auburn -8.5 | O/U 151.5

IOWA FANS’ PERSONAL HELL:
STEVE ALFORD. FRED HOIBERG. ONE. BAD. BASKETBALL. GAME.

I cannot wait.

Also: Watch the Hawks. Don’t break eye contact. And NEVER stop flapping your wings:

Thanksgiving Day Evening

Don’t Watch This

{CBB} Liberty vs. Mississippi State [5pm, CBSSN — Space Ghost]
{CBB} Bad Boy Mowers and 2K Empire Classic games TBD

{Copa Libertadores} Defensa y Justicia vs. Vasco da Gama [6:30pm, beIN]
{Liga MX} Tigres UANL vs. Cruz Azul [7pm, TUDN]

Watch That

New Mexico Lobos at Utah State Aggies

6pm | FS1 | UNM -6.5 | O/U 51.5

{CBB} Purdue vs. Clemson

7:30pm | CBSSN
Space Coast Classic, Melbourne, FL

A battle of two 0-4 teams, and yet it’s still wildly more entertaining than any of the shit the NFL has thrown on all day.

It’s Late on Thanksgiving and I’m drun—

No you’re not. Go to bed, you goddamn kids.

{Liga MX} Pachuca vs. Pumas UNAM [9:05pm, TUDN]

Friday Morning

Don’t Watch This

#13 Iowa St. Cyclones at #17 Texas Longhorns (-1, O/U 57) [11am, ABC]
Massachusetts Minutemen at Liberty Flames (-37, O/U 56.5) [11am, ESPN3]

{CBB} Ohio at #8 Illinois [12pm, BTN]
{CBB} Toledo at Xavier [11am, FS1]

{WSOC} Netherlands vs. United States [Friendly, 11:35am, ESPN2]
{India} East Bengal vs. Atk Mohan Bagan [8am, ESPN+]

Watch That

Nebraska Cornhuskers at #24 Iowa Hawkeyes

12pm | FOX | Iowa -13.5 | O/U 53

{CBB} #1 Gonzaga vs. Auburn

10am | FOX | line TBD
Fort Myers Tip-Off

For as bad as Nebraska’s been, both the last five years AND this year, this has been a three-point game two years running. Can Nebraska stop the run? PROBABLY NOT! Is Kirk “Leave the timeouts, take the pig” Ferentz less likely than ever to let UNL hang around? MAYBE!

But this is the newest, dumbest actual rivalry in the Big Ten—[looks east]—and I, for one, can’t wait to see how this year’s game ends up.

Friday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

#2 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-5, O/U 67.5) at #19 North Carolina Tar Heels [2:30pm, ABC]
UCF Knights (-25, O/U 67) at South Florida Bulls [2:30pm, ESPN]
Wyoming Cowboys (-16.5, O/U 52) at UNLV Rebels [3pm, FS1]

{CBB} #6 Kansas vs. St. Joseph’s [1pm, FS1 — Fort Myers]
{CBB} Sam Houston State Bearkats at #14 Texas Tech [1pm, ESPNU]
{CBB} George Mason Patriots vs. Belmont Bears [1pm, ESPN3 — Washington, DC]
{CBB} Seton Hall Pirates at Louisville [3pm, ESPN2]
{CBB} Bad Boys Mowin’ Stuff [3pm, ESPNU]

{CAF Champions} Zamalek vs. Al Ahly [1pm, beIN]
{Bundesliga} Wolfsburg vs. Werder Bremen [1:30pm, ESPN+]
{Ligue 1} Strasbourg vs. Rennes [2pm, beIN]
{La Liga} Valladolid vs. Levante [2pm, beIN]
{Int’l} France vs. Austria [2pm, beIN]

Watch That

Central Michigan Chippewas at Eastern Michigan Eagles

3pm | CBSSN | CMU -7 | O/U 59.5

Stanford Cardinal at California Golden Bears

3pm | FOX | Cal -1.5 | O/U 52

Soccer

{EPL} Crystal Palace vs. New Castle United [2pm, NBCSN]
{EFL} Brentford vs. Queens Park Rangers [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{FA Cup} Tranmere Rovers vs. Brackley Town [1:55pm, ESPN+]

The best parts of the English FA Cup are the random non-League squads who make it through with a couple lucky draws and “giant-killings”. This weekend, it’s Brackley Town FC—the Saints!—who beat Bishop’s Stortford to ensure a date with League Two’s Tranmere Rovers. The only bummer is that this one isn’t at Brackley Town’s home park.

Also, what better way to slowly drift into Black Friday napping than with the grayscale of The Factory in the background as the Eagles try to keep up with Daniel Robertson and the Chips? TUNE IN.

Friday Evening

Don’t Watch This

{CBB} Bad Boys Still Mowin’ Stuff [5:30pm, ESPNU]
{CBB} Eastern Illinois Panthers at Marquette Golden Eagles [6pm, FS2]
{CBB} Hartford Hawks at UConn [7pm, CBSSN]
{CBB} Colorado at Kansas State [7:30pm, ESPNU]
{CBB} Bad Boys Mowin’ Sioux Falls Rug [8pm, ESPN2]

Watch That

#15 Oregon Ducks at Oregon State Beavers

6:30pm | ESPN | UO -13.5 | O/U 64

Jebus. Well. There’s that. BRING OUT THE PLATYPUS TROPHY

It’s late on Friday and I’m drunk...

You insist on doing this, huh? Jeez. OK.

Don’t Watch This

Nothing’s on, you oafs!

Watch That

Fresno State at Pacific Tigers

9pm | Stadium | line TBD

That’s what you get. Now go to bed, you damn kids.

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

#4 Ohio State Buckeyes (-28.5, O/U 71) at Illinois Fighting Illini [11am, FS1]
Maryland Terrapins at #12 Indiana Hoosiers (-11.5, O/U 62.5) [11am, ESPN2]
Kentucky Wildcats at #6 Florida Gators (-25, O/U 61) [11am, ESPN]
Bowling Green Falcons at Ohio University Bobcats (-24.5, O/U 54.5) [11am, ESPNU]
Northern Illinois Huskies at Western Michigan Broncos (-20, O/U 64.5) [11am, ESPN+]
Ball State Cardinals at Toledo Rockets (-9.5, O/U 63.5) [11am, ESPN3]
SMU Mustangs (-12, O/U 67.5) at East Carolina Pirates [11am, ESPN+]
N.C. State Wolfpack (-14.5, O/U 51) at Syracuse Orange [11am, ACCN]
Vanderbilt Commodores at Missouri Tigers (-15.5, O/U 51) [11am, SECN]
Texas-El Paso Miners at Rice Owls (-11.5, O/U 44.5) [12pm, ESPN3]
Miami-Ohio Redhawks (-14.5, O/U 54) at Akron Zips [12pm, ESPN3]

{Bundesliga} Stuttgart vs. Bayern Munich [8:30am, ESPN+]
{EPL} Manchester City vs. Burnley [9am, NBCSN]
{EFL} Sheffield Wednesday vs. Stoke City [9am, ESPN+]
{FA Cup} Portsmouth vs. King’s Lynn Town [9am, ESPN+]
{La Liga} Valencia vs. Atletico Madrid [9:15am, beIN]
{Turkey} Rizespor vs. Galatasaray [10am, beIN]
{Serie A} Benevento vs. Juventus [11am, ESPN+]
{Scottish Cup} St. Mirren vs. Aberdeen [11:15am, ESPN+]
{Bundesliga} Borussia Monchengladbach vs. Schalke 04 [11:30am, ESPN+]
{FA Cup} Peterborough United vs. Chorley [11:30am, ESPN+]
{Eredivisie} Emmen vs. Ajax [11:45am, ESPN+}

Watch That

Penn State Nittany Lions at Michigan Wolverines

11am | ABC | Mich -2 | O/U 58.5

Kent State Golden Flashes at Buffalo Bulls

11am | CBSSN | UB -7.5 | O/U 68

Georgia Southern Eagles at Georgia State Panthers

11am | ESPN3 | GASo -2 | O/U 53

{EPL} Everton vs. Leeds United

11:30am | NBC

Normally Penn State-Michigan is the kind of game I would eschew. But when these two are playing MAC-level football? This could be a 45-42 kind of shootout with lots of dumb errors, and I cannot wait to find out.

Also, Kent State-Buffalo should decide the MAC East. What a world!

If you want to see TRUE hate today, check out Georgia Southern-Georgia State. Matchup of two fanbases who genuinely hate each other, and of a Southern club who so woefully fucked up their end-of-game at Army last week:

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

#8 Northwestern Wildcats (-13.5, O/U 41.5) at Michigan State Spartans [2:30pm, ESPN2]
Rutgers Scarlet Knights at Purdue Boilermakers (-12, O/U 62) [3pm, FS1]
Louisiana Ragin Cajuns (-28.5, O/U 54) at ULM Warhawks [2pm, ESPN3]
South Alabama Jaguars at Arkansas State Red Wolves (-6.5, O/U 63.5) [2pm, ESPN3]
#22 Auburn Tigers at #1 Alabama Crimson Tide (-24.5, O/U 62.5) [2:30pm, CBS]
Pittsburgh Panthers at #3 Clemson Tigers (-24, O/U 55) [2:30pm, ESPN]
San Diego State Aztecs at Colorado Buffaloes at USC Trojans [4pm, Pac-12]
Florida Atlantic Owls (-6.5, O/U 48.5) at Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders [2:30pm, CBSSN]
Louisville Cardinals at Boston College Eagles (-1, O/U 55) [3pm, ACCN]

{Serie A} Atalanta vs. Hellas Verona [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{EPL} West Bromwich Albion vs. Sheffield United [2pm, NBCSN]
{Ligue 1} Paris Saint-Germain vs. Bordeaux [2pm, beIN]
{La Liga} Real Madrid vs. Deportivo Alaves [2pm, beIN]

Watch That

#20 Coastal Carolina Chanticleers at Texas State Bobcats

2pm | ESPN+ | CCU -17 | O/U 58.5

North Texas Mean Green at Texas-San Antonio Roadrunners

2pm | Stadium | UTSA -3 | O/U 67

San Jose State Spartans at Boise State Broncos

3pm | FOX | Boise -11.5 | O/U 58

Mississippi State Bulldogs at Ole Miss Rebels

3pm | SECN | Miss -9.5 | O/U 69

LONG LIVE OLE PISS.

Go Spartans.

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

LSU Tigers at #5 Texas A&M Aggies (-14.5, O/U 64) [6pm, ESPN]
Duke Blue Devils at Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (EVEN, O/U 58) [6pm, ESPN3]
Kansas State Wildcats at Baylor Bears (-5.5, O/U 46) [6pm, ESPN2]
#9 Georgia Bulldogs (-21.5, O/U 49) at South Carolina Gamecocks [6:30pm, SECN]
Utah Utes at Washington Huskies (-7, O/U 49) [6:30pm, ABC]
TCU Horned Frogs (-24.5, O/U 51.5) at Kansas Jayhawks [7pm, FS1]
Virginia Cavaliers (-9.5, O/U 58.5) at Florida State Seminoles [7pm, ACCN]
Arizona Wildcats at UCLA Bruins (-10, O/U 58.5) [7pm, FOX]

Watch That

Memphis Tigers at Navy Midshipmen

6pm | CBSSN | Mem -13.5 | O/U 62

Troy Trojans at Appalachian State Mountaineers

7pm | ESPNU | App -14 | O/U 49

Ew. What a night. Taking chances on these two in the hopes they’re more entertaining than any of the slogs listed.

It’s late and I’m drunk...

Don’t Watch This

Maybe basketball? Stay tuned. Or don’t.

Watch That

Nevada Wolf Pack at Hawaii Warriors

10pm | Team1Sports (phone or tablet only) | Nevada -7 | O/U 60.5

{Liga MX} America vs. Chivas

9:06pm | TUDN and maybe NBCSN?

If America-Chivas is on NBCSN and you like soccer in any way, you owe it to yourself. At this point I’m just hoping the wifi is good enough and the FIL is drunk enough that he goes to bed so I can just stream Nevada-Hawaii on my phone while America and Chivas slap-fight it out. Here’s hoping.

BONUS! Tuesday, December 1

Watch That

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers at Charlotte 49ers

9:30pm | CBSSN | EVEN

God bless us, everyone.

---

Here’s the schedule, there are the games—go nuts, you crazy kids. Dead Read will be along tomorrow with a thread for Nebraska-Iowa, and I’ll likely have a new basketball post up on Friday or something.

Happy Thanksgiving!