Another Big Ten football season is in the books. Beez has been graciously sharing with us all the good things that have happened this year, a chance to celebrate excellence. No doubt that's the reason all of you good people are on the site today. This article's not for the good people, it's more for the other guys.
If you're unfamiliar with this feature, the B1G Butt Trophy is a celebration of futility and incompetence. I like to think of it as a way to specifically target the object most deserving of our collective scorn. Going back 124 years to the very first conference matchup, we have traced the lineage of losers right up to this very day. In this, the holiday season, let's recap 2020 with The B1G Butt Trophy Season Wipe Up.
Week One - Buttger at Michigan State
Entering 2020 with the trophy and an incredible 15 Buttfenses was Buttger. Chris Ash had been fired, Nunzio Campanile went winless in his limp to finish 2019, and new (again) head coach Greg Schiano had quite a climb ahead of him. His Knights were up to the task, though. Mel Pucker's squad needed to punt only twice, as they couldn't stop giving the game away. Two interceptions and five fumbles lost sealed it as Michibutt State seized the trophy.
Week Two - Michibutt State at Michigan
The Shartans would not hold the Butt for too long. In a game that, stats-wise, looks pretty even, Jim Harbutt found a way to get it done. Brian Gillis writes about Michibutt losing better than anyone, and this time was no different.
Week Three - Michibutt at Indiana
Being the all-time leading Buttholder, and having a losing streak against Michibutt dating back to the Reagan administration, Hoosiers fans must have been incredibly apprehensive going into this matchup. But with a porous defense allowing 142 receiving yards to Ty Fryfogle and a Josh Gattis offense tallying 13 yards rushing to go with two interceptions, Harbutt stunk the place up in all aspects.
Week Four - Michibutt vs. Wisconsin
Hot damn, if you're not having fun yet, then you're in the wrong place! The Holeverines got straight fucksawed in this one. This, mind you, was when we all mostly thought Wiscovid and Graham Mertz were good. They were certainly good enough on this particular Saturday. Brian Gillis is again the one to go to for a quality recap, I'm just here for the lulz.
Week Five - Michibutt at Rutger
Alas, nothing lasts forever, and Michigan was able to lean on its talent disparity to the tune of a triple overtime win against Buttger. And just like the Knighty Whities's head coach, what's old is new again. In 60 minutes of play, plus three additional possessions, Buttger managed to rush for over 104 yards. Quite the accomplishment.
Week Six - Buttger at Purdue
Another seemingly even game overall, but the 21 points given up in the third quarter really doomed Purdoodoo. Butt Diaco's "defense" allowed 10 third down conversions. It shockingly did not work out well for him long term. A bit of good news, for the first time since these articles started, the B1G Butt Trophy now resides in the West! Cuz yall shitty.
Week Seven - Purdoody vs. Nebraska
Jack the Crack Plummer's actually decent passing performance couldn't overcome the Buttermakers' combined NEGATIVE TWO YARDS RUSHING. This against a relative laugher of a Nebraska defense. The Huskers' new Martinez ended up with Div 1 QB numbers for a change, thanks in part to the already derided Butt Diaco.
Week Eight - Purpoo at Indiana
COVID kept us from the Bucket Game.
Championship Week - Purpoo at Indiana
The assholes in the B1G made this game a possibility, but COVID remains undefeated.
Who else is ready for the B1G BERT Trophy?! C'mon 2021, don't let us down.
In the season preview, I predicted six games which could feature the trophy, and four of those games actually did.
Rutger is improving to the point where a trophy reign next year is not a certainty. Their new team total is 31 games as the Buttholder. University of Shitcago quit the sport at 29.
Michibutt is at 25, tying their hated rivals the Buttguys.
Buttermakers (93 & counting) is the best I could come up with. It's up to you, my fellow immature goofs, to come up with a better name.
Which is best?
This poll is closed
Those are all turds, I'll show you how it's done in the comments!