The SERIOUS BUSINESS bowls have arrived.

While normally we’d have a Pinstripe Bowl to look forward today, there would’ve been no joy in a Maryland-Virginia matchup on a frozen Yankee Stadium with both teams playing down a few starters and no fans in the stands.

Actually, I’ve just talked myself into how great that sounds.

Rather than a mid-afternoon kickoff from a soccer stadium in Texas with a shamelessly sponsor-laden name like the LendingTree Bowl or the FBC Mortgage Cure Bowl, today we move on to the Cheez-It Bowl.

No, not THAT Cheez-It Bowl. That’s now the Guaranteed Rate Bowl and the descendant of the old Insight Bowl.

THIS Cheez-It Bowl is the old Camping World, Russell Athletic, and Champs Sports Bowl.

This is all so fucking stupid.

Football Games for Tuesday, Dec. 29

Cheez-It Bowl

#21 Oklahoma State Cowboys (7-3) vs. #18 Miami Hurricanes (8-2)

4:30pm CT | ESPN | OKSt -1 | O/U 61
Camping World Stadium, Orlando, FL

D’Eriq King is playing for Miami, Chuba Hubbard is not for Okie Lite, none of that matters because apparently Oklahoma State is a defensive team now.

“Wait,” you say. “Camping World Stadium? Isn’t that where Liberty and Coastal Carolina played the Cure Bowl just a couple days ago?”

Friend, THERE ARE TWO COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT CHEEZ-IT BOWLS WITHIN A YEAR OF EACH OTHER.

Alamo Bowl

#20 Texas Longhorns (6-3) vs. Colorado Buffaloes (4-1)

8pm CT | ESPN | Tex -7.5 | O/U 63.5
Alamodome, San Antonio, TX

As a chaser, we get the Alamo Bowl, which has always been the damn Alamo Bowl and still somehow feels like a Big Ten-affiliated bowl game despite the fact that no Big Ten team has played there since the 2009 season (Michigan State lost to Texas Tech, 41-31).

If you are a Nebraska fan who yearns for a simpler time when your favorite team appeared in bowl games, you’re surely nostalgic for the Alamo Bowl—site of a 2005 upset, 32-28, of #20 Michigan, a 17-3 flattening of Michigan State in 2003, and, of course, the infamous 2000 pasting of Big Ten champion Northwestern.

Let us never speak of it again.

Instead, this is a rematch of what I assume was at least three Big XII Championship games from the 2000s. LET’S GO TO THE TAPE:

I’ll be honest: That for sure wasn’t as exciting for all of you as it was for me, but (1) I was really learning that information in real time, and (2) I don’t actually give a shit, I’m clearly just vamping here.

Stupid Oklahoma.

Is...anything else on?

Sure is!

Soccer

{EFL} Birmingham City vs. Derby County [11:30am, ESPN+]
{EPL} Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Arsenal [12pm, NBCSN]
{EPL} Burnley vs. Sheffield United [12pm, Peacock]
{EPL} Southampton vs. West Ham United [12pm, Peacock]
{EPL} West Bromwich Albion vs. Leeds United [12pm, Peacock]
{La Liga} Barcelona vs. Eibar [12:15pm, beIN]
{EFL} Preston North End vs. Coventry City [1:45pm, ESPN+]
{EPL} Manchester United vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers [2pm, NBCSN]
{EFL} Stoke City vs. Nottingham Forest [2pm, ESPN+]
{A-League} Western Sydney Wanderers vs. Sydney FC [11:35pm, ESPN+]

Big Ten Basketball

Purdue Boilermakers at #14 Rutgers Scarlet Knights

6pm | FS1 | Rutgers -3 | O/U 139

#19 Northwestern Wildcats at #10 Iowa Hawkeyes

8pm | FS1 | Iowa -11 | O/U 157.5

Other Basketball

Northeastern Huskies at #9 West Virginia Mountaineers

1pm | ESPN+ | WVU -18 | O/U 136.5

Towson Tigers at Iona Gaels

2pm | ESPN+ | Iowa -6.5 | O/U 139

Coppin State Eagles vs. Rider Broncs

6pm | ESPN+ | Rider -2 | O/U 147.5

Omaha Mavericks at Kansas State Wildcats

7pm | ESPN+ | KSU -10 | O/U 139.5

There’s no counting out a K-State loss to Omaha, given that the Wildcats have lost to both Drake and, perhaps slightly more embarrassingly, D-II Fort Hays State.

#5 Houston Cougars at Tulsa Golden Hurricane

8pm | ESPN2 | UH -8 | O/U 127

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Feel free to talk about games here. Or in the basketball thread. Whatever you want, as long as you behave.