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Do They Shoot Dead Horses? Your Guide to the College Football Schedule, Week 14

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Rescinding the Equal Rights Amendment, or Iowa-Illinois? Works both ways, to be honest.

NCAA Football: Illinois at Iowa Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

I...honest to God, I don’t know what’s happening at this point.

College Gameday is going to Conway, SC, for ranked Coastal Carolina. We know that. Big showdown with Liberty. I taught Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority today, so rest assured I was in the right place for this.

Then we hear rumors that Liberty can’t pray away the COVID (can’t pray away the gay either, but goddamn they sure do try) and that #13 BYU, themselves jonesing for a couple ranked feathers in their cap, will make the trek to Conway to make a kinda morally-questionable matchup SO MUCH BETTER.


Speaking of Moral Majority and morally-questionable activities, I’m just going to straight-up share with you one of the documents I look at in my dissertation. It’s in part because, as you’ll see below, my brain is just absolutely broken. But it’s also because its title is “Do They Shoot Dead Horses?” and it’s a moment in which you can see the lights start to go out of Democratic parties in rural states, if you’re into that sort of thing.

This is from some of my archival research and ongoing work; if you’ve stumbled across a college football blog and wondered why this is happened, you’re welcome to drop me a line but I can’t promise it’ll get any clearer.


Thursday

Don’t Watch This

{MLS} Sporting Kansas City vs. Minnesota United FC [7:30pm, FOX]
{Liga MX} Cruz Azul vs. Pumas UNAM [9pm, TUDN]

{MBB} Iowa vs. Western Illinois [7pm, BTN]

{HOC} Arizona State at Notre Dame [6pm, NHLN]
{HOC} Minnesota at Michigan State [7pm, FSD/FSN]

Watch That

Louisiana Tech Bulldogs at North Texas Mean Green

5pm | CBSSN | EVEN | O/U 66

Air Force Falcons at Utah State Aggies

8:30pm | CBSSN | AFA -12.5 | O/U 51

This is perfect. Start with what should be a shootout—I’d hammer the over, as Bulldogs QB Luke Anthony just hucks it all over with abandon, North Texas just gave up 49 points to UTSA (MEEP MEEP and all, but man, not a football powerhouse) and has a QB controversy between Austin Aune and Jason Bean, and who the hell knows?

Then just relax into the comforting embrace of Air Force doing Air Force things against a Utah State club that’s playing for pride. Mmmm. Soak in it. Feels nice, doesn’t it?

Poll

Thursday night, no NFL, IT’S GLORIOUS!

This poll is closed

  • 25%
    Gimme all the CFB.
    (25 votes)
  • 2%
    LaTech-UNT only.
    (2 votes)
  • 11%
    Air Force-Utah State only.
    (11 votes)
  • 37%
    I really want to watch Iowa beat another cupcake by 70.
    (36 votes)
  • 12%
    Mmm, that shitty soccer sounds GREAT.
    (12 votes)
  • 11%
    I, a simpleton, will be pining for the NFL and watching NOTHING.
    (11 votes)
97 votes total Vote Now

Friday

Don’t Watch This

{MBB} Detroit Mercy at Michigan State [4pm, BTN]
{MBB} Valparaiso at Purdue [6pm, BTN]
{MBB} North Dakota at Minnesota [8pm, BTN]

{HOC} wisconsin at Ohio State [4:30pm, ESPNU]
{HOC} Arizona State at Notre Dame [6pm, NBCSN]
{HOC} Minnesota at Michigan State [7pm, FSD/FSN]

Watch That

Louisiana Ragin Cajuns at Appalachian State Mountaineers

7:30pm | ESPN | App -2.5 | O/U 51

{CBB} wisconsin at Marquette

6pm | FS1 | Go Marquette

Soccer Things

{EFL} Barnsley vs. AFC Bournemouth: 11:30am, ESPN+
{Bundesliga} Hertha Berlin vs. Union Berlin: 1:30pm, ESPN+
{Scotland} Queen of the South vs. Inverness: 1:45pm, ESPN+

After you’re done watching the morally and intellectually superior Golden Eagles ring out ahoya all over OVERRATED wisconsin, you’ve got an OTE and Beez special, with Louisiana and App State. That’s an evening right there.

I don’t teach on Friday. First time in months. I have the day off, and I’m having a beer with Barnsley-Bournemouth, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

Poll

Friday night!

This poll is closed

  • 23%
    CAJUNS-’NEERS
    (22 votes)
  • 37%
    My Big Ten basketball team is playing
    (35 votes)
  • 21%
    My Big Ten hockey team is playing
    (20 votes)
  • 18%
    My second-division Scottish soccer team is playing
    (17 votes)
94 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

Ohio State Buckeyes (-24, O/U 59.5) at Michigan State Spartans [11am, ABC]
Nebraska Cornhuskers at Purdue Boilermakers (-2, O/U 61.5) [11am, BTN]
Texas A&M Aggies (-6.5, O/U 49) at Auburn Tigers [11am, ESPN]
Texas Longhorns (-7, O/U 51.5) at Kansas State Wildcats [11am, FOX]
Oklahoma State Cowboys (-2.5, O/U 51.5) at TCU Horned Frogs [11am, ESPN2]
Toledo Rockets (-9.5, O/U 55.5) at Northern Illinois Huskies [11am, ESPN3]
Kansas Jayhawks at Texas Tech Red Raiders (-27.5, O/U 63.5) [11am, FS2]
Rice Owls at Marshall Thundering Herd (-23.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, ESPN+]
Arkansas Razorbacks at Missouri Tigers (-3, O/U 51.5) [11am, SECN]

{EPL} Manchester City vs. Fulham [9am, NBCSN]
{Serie A} Juventus vs. Torino [11am, ESPN+]

Watch That

Penn State Nittany Lions at Rutgers Scarlet Knights

11am | FS1 | PSU -11 | O/U 53

Memphis Tigers at Tulane Green Wave

11am | ESPN+ | Tulane -1.5 | O/U 63

Soccer Stuff

{EPL} West Ham vs. Manchester United: 11:30am, NBC
{Bundesliga} Bayern Munich vs. RB Leipzig: 11:30am, ESPN+

West Ham won’t let me down.
West Ham won’t let me down.
West Ham won’t let me down.
West Ham won’t let me down.

(They’re totally gonna let me down. Fifth in the table was nice while it lasted.)

Poll

Goooooooood morning, MNW’s recommending soccer so fuck him, and I’m watching...

This poll is closed

  • 41%
    Penn State-Rutgers
    (55 votes)
  • 1%
    Memphis-Tulane
    (2 votes)
  • 15%
    OSU-MSU
    (20 votes)
  • 25%
    Nebraska-Purdue
    (34 votes)
  • 4%
    West Ham-Manchester United
    (6 votes)
  • 9%
    One of the many other football games
    (12 votes)
  • 2%
    Basketball, which you’re neglecting to list and I’m mad about
    (3 votes)
132 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

Indiana Hoosiers at wiscovid badgers (-14, O/U 45.5) [2:30pm, ABC]
Iowa Hawkeyes (-13.5, O/U 51) at Illinois Fighting Illini [2:30pm, FS1]
Troy Trojans (-4.5, O/U 54.5) at South Alabama Jaguars [1pm, ESPN3]
Eastern Michigan Eagles at Western Michigan Broncos (-13.5, O/U 65) [1pm, ESPN+]
Syracuse Orange at Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-34, O/U 51.5) [1:30pm, NBC]
ULM Warhawks at Arkansas State Red Wolves (-21, O/U 68.5) [2pm, ESPN3]
West Virginia Mountaineers at Iowa St. Cyclones (-7, O/U 49.5) [2:30pm, ESPN]
Florida Gators (-17.5, O/U 61.5) at Tennessee Volunteers [2:30pm, CBS]
Tulsa Golden Hurricane (-12, O/U 49.5) at Navy Midshipmen [2:30pm, ESPN2]
Boston College Eagles at Virginia Cavaliers (-6.5, O/U 54.5) [2:30pm, ESPN3]
Buffalo Bulls (-11.5, O/U 58.5) at Ohio Bobcats [2:30pm, CBSSN]
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at N.C. State Wolfpack (-7, O/U 60) [3pm, ACCN]
Vanderbilt Commodores at Georgia Bulldogs (-35.5, O/U 54) [3pm, SECN]

Watch That

Balls Tate Robotbirds at Central Michigan Chippewas

1pm | ESPNU | CMU -1.5 | O/U 61.5

Bowling Green Falcons at Akron Zips

1pm | ESPN3 | Akron -2.5 | O/U 57

San Jose State Spartans at Hawai’i Rainbow Warriors

3pm | Team1Sports | Hawai’i -1 | O/U 60

{EPL} Chelsea vs. Leeds United: 2pm, NBCSN

Because literally nothing can happen in the Bay Area anymore, San Jose State went so far as to flip this game to a home contest for Hawai’i. Two of our favorite underdogs, battling on an app you have to download on your phone. I feel so conflicted.

MACtion will be miles better than any of the beatings the also-rans-to-Northwestern can inflict on wounded Indiana and self-wounded Illinois.

Poll

Saturday afternoon! I’ve finished decorating our beautiful, freshly-cut Christmas tree, and as I drink spiked egg nog, Mrs. MNW rolls her eyes at...

This poll is closed

  • 6%
    MACtion
    (9 votes)
  • 1%
    San Jose-Hawaii
    (2 votes)
  • 7%
    MACtion on the TV, SJSU-Hawaii on my phone
    (11 votes)
  • 42%
    Indiana-wisconsin
    (58 votes)
  • 36%
    Iowa-Illinois
    (50 votes)
  • 3%
    Chelsea-Leeds
    (5 votes)
  • 2%
    Something else
    (3 votes)
138 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Florida Atlantic Owls at Georgia Southern Eagles (-2.5, O/U 42) [5pm, ESPN+]
Oregon Ducks (-10, O/U 59) at California Golden Bears [6pm, ESPN]
Colorado Buffaloes (-7, O/U 59) at Arizona Wildcats [6pm, FS1]
Clemson Tigers (-22, O/U 67) at Virginia Tech Hokies [6:30pm, ABC]
South Carolina Gamecocks at Kentucky Wildcats (-11.5, O/U 47.5) [6:30pm, SECN]
Alabama Crimson Tide (-29.5, O/U 67.5) at LSU Tigers [7pm, CBS]
Baylor Bears at Oklahoma Sooners (-22, O/U 62.5) [7pm, FOX]
Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-lots, I’d bet) at Duke Blue Devils [7pm, ACCN]

Watch That

#13 BYU Cougars at #18 Carolina Chanticleers

4:30pm | ESPNU | BYU -10 | O/U 61

Colorado State Rams at San Diego State Aztecs

6pm | CBSSN | SDSU -8 | O/U 47

Honestly, you’re just watching Chants-Coogs, but I’ll give you options anyway. I’m crossing my fingers C.J. Marable runs for 200 yards on the Cougars and the Bears draft him in the first round.

Poll

CHANTS CHANTS CHANTS CHANTS CHANTS

This poll is closed

  • 75%
    CHANTS
    (75 votes)
  • 25%
    NOT CHANTS
    (25 votes)
100 votes total Vote Now

It’s late and I’m drunk...

Don’t Watch This

Wyoming Cowboys (-17.5, O/U 52.5) at New Mexico Lobos [9:30pm, CBSSN]
Oregon State Beavers at Utah Utes (-11, O/U 51.5) [9:30pm, ESPN]
UCLA Bruins at Arizona State Sun Devils (-3, O/U 55) [9:30pm, FS1]

Watch That

Houston Cougars at SMU Mustangs

8pm | ESPNU | UH -1.5 | O/U 68

Fresno State Bulldogs at Nevada Wolf Pack

9:30pm | FS1 | Nev -7 | O/U 59

I dunno! I dunno what to tell you! I don’t know why or how both UCLA-Arizona State (also a Watch That consideree) and Fresno-Nevada (the Pack are a good story you should check out) are going to be on FS1.

NEVER MIND, HOUSTON-SMU IS CANCELED.

I give up. Honestly. I don’t know what to tell you. Watch Fresno-Nevada. Or maybe UCLA-ASU, if that’s on instead! Let’s just all take a shot or six of Malort and agree that this was all a terrible idea.

Poll

It’s late and I’m drunk and seriously what the hell is happening here

This poll is closed

  • 8%
    Dunno. Fresno-Nevada for me.
    (7 votes)
  • 10%
    Dunno. UCLA-Arizona State for me.
    (9 votes)
  • 12%
    Dunno. Wyoming-New Mexico for me.
    (11 votes)
  • 12%
    Dunno. I’m a freak who wants to watch Utah and Oregon State.
    (11 votes)
  • 27%
    Literally whatever’s on the TV, I’ll just sit there and take.
    (24 votes)
  • 27%
    lol i passed out hours ago
    (24 votes)
86 votes total Vote Now

It’s Sunday and I’m hungover...

Don’t Watch This

The NFL. Just don’t do it. Kirk Cousins won NFC Offensive Player of the Week and this entire thing is a sham.

Watch That

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers at Charlotte 49ers

11am | ESPN3

Washington State Cougars at USC Trojans

6:30pm | FS1 | USC -13 | O/U 67.5

{MLS} Columbus Crew vs. New England Revolution: 2pm, ABC

Nothing makes a goddamn bit of sense.

Poll

Sunday viewing?

This poll is closed

  • 44%
    COLLEGE FOOTBALL + BAD SOCCER = MNW’S DREAM
    (33 votes)
  • 55%
    Kork Coupons + a home loss to Jacksonville = MNW’s nightmare
    (41 votes)
74 votes total Vote Now

Gamethread. Maybe. I dunno. Whatever.