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Sunday Morning Cooling Down

Hot one out there. But [/gazes knowingly] it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Independence Day 2020 In United States Photo by Chen Mengtong/China News Service via Getty Images

Good morning and happy belated Fourth.

Ten B1G Things

  1. I recommend How to Hide an Empire: A History of the Greater United States, by Northwestern history prof Daniel Immerwahr. Never did I think I’d read about bat guano, hookworm, and Daniel Burnham and get engaged by the book. It’s good.
  2. Wonder how much that ska cover of “Come on Eileen” cost.
  3. “We’ve been cooped up all summer!” is not an excuse, you damn kids. Get off my lawn (literally) with your fucking fireworks.
  4. That idea about free chalupas for whatever state flattens its curve the best is looking better and better.
  5. Was all this posting a ruse to get our writers ready for B1G 2020?
  6. At some point we’ll say “there are too many fruit-flavored Keystone Light flavors,” but I’m not there yet.
  7. The Fourth isn’t the Fourth without...Wimbledon, oddly.
  8. We’re not gonna play a full college football season.
  9. I realize we’ve paired Big Ten teams with their Premier League counterparts several times since everyone decided they were a long-suffering Liverpool or Tottenham fan around 2013, but I’d love Big Ten teams’ soccer crests.
  10. If you need to put ketchup or mustard on your grilled meat, get better at grilling meat.
  11. If you put mayo on a sandwich, jump off a bridge.
  12. Bet you miss GF3 now.
  13. Wear a fucking mask, for goodness’ sake.
  14. Yes, it absolutely was a ruse. Now go answer the potluck.

The Fun-down

LPW at a Picnic || Civility 1, Politics 0, My Interest -4

It was always vague on specifics, and I’m still not sure I should’ve included him.

LPW: My wife and I attended a lovely barbecue with her friends. No one talked politics, and we had a great time.

Creighton...and the Twiiiiiiiins || 2 Cigars, 1 Ribeye

Creighton M: We did a nice, socially distant 4th by ourselves. I smoked a couple cigars, grilled a ribeye, and fought off the heat by drinking some union made beers all day (mostly High Life). Other than that I mostly just played with my duo of 1 year olds and tried to teach them how to kick a ball.

As I write this I can see fireworks from my window so I suppose that’s a pretty good end to the day.

MNW, Hunted for Sport? || Counterpoint: Fireworks Bad

MNW: Just as we pulled my spinach and artichoke dip out of the oven and opened up a few bags of chips and crackers to dip, we got invited to sit by the pool at a friend’s family gathering by a pool in a posh and tony northeast suburb. WSR warned that I would walk into a Most Dangerous Game situation, and the trails running through the woods did not help dispel my unease.

Thankfully it was a pleasant day, the saltwater pool was heavenly, my spinach dip was a hit, and I was reminded people have a lot, lot, lot of money.

Came home and drank a lot of Keylightfuls (needs to be ice-cold, much like our review of Naturdays, but was a good summer beer that wasn’t as sweet as shandy!) while the wife fell asleep early and Aussie rules football flashed past on the TV. America!

Then some youths from my block set off fireworks until 12:30am, including a nice fountain of something about 10 feet from my driveway (they live decidedly NOT across the street). So that was cool. And this morning we found a spent bottle rocket on our deck which does not face the street. Also very cool.

July 4, 2020: MNW became an old man. Book it.

Stew at a Birthday Party || Postponed, Irresponsibility

In a preview of this fall’s college football slate, people’s inability to do the bare minimum amid a pandemic cost our Iowa friends a shot at marble cake with buttercream frosting.

Stewmonkey13: Made kabobs, day drank Naturdays, humbled my daughters at Mario Kart 8, read elephant and piggy books an untold number of times to the toddler.

Avoided going to the surprise birthday party where someone brought their kid who was exposed to the coronavirus this last week, but it’s ok, because he feels fine (no, he hasn’t been tested).

Rutgers at Home || Link 49, Calamity Ganon 20

Much like her beloved Rutgers basketball in the non-conference, our Scarlet Knight correspondent did not venture beyond the confines of her home.

ZuzuRU: Los Angeles, like most cities I imagine, sounds like a literal war zone on most holiday evenings. The use of fireworks was constant for the past few weeks as I’m sure many of you have also experienced, but last night was on a whole ‘nother level. The air smelled like matches. It was remarkable...y annoying.

Anyway, that was just the 7pm-1am part of the day. I made myself a chili dog and played Zelda: Breath of the Wild for much of it.

Gator Bowl (of Meat) || LDL 185, HDL 40

87townie: Spent the day on the beach. The girls walked to the beach to watch the fireworks.

I’m currently in a meat coma after grilling a brisket and ribs for dinner.

Family at Boilerman || All-American Marching Bland

Boilerman31: Most of the day was like any typical day around the house, finishing various projects and keeping the kids from murdering one another.

In the evening, we enjoyed the All-American spread of burgers and hot dogs with the usual sides and homemade ice cream for dessert. My family did their part into contributing to the start of WW3 by making many loud explosions and putting lots of smoke in the air. No appendages were lost as my brother listened to his First Responder radio for added enjoyment and it was generally a jolly old time.

Was There Meat? || Pork Industry 3, Vegetarians 0

OTE commits to single-handedly subsidizing the Pork Producers of America. We will gladly take sponsorship in the form of meats.

Jesse Collins:

DJ Carver:


See you all tomorrow for the start of B1G 2020.