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B1G 2020, Maryland Potluck #1: Is Maryland “perfectly average”?

Plus, playing a classic game of FMK with the Holy Trinity of Maryland.

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We march on with B1G 2020: East Coast “Rivalry” Week!

Today in more Maryland news, we’ve got Year One-or-is-it-Two of the Mike Locksley Era, assessing the “averageness” of Maryland Terrapins football, and an appreciation—and some hard decisions—for the trifecta of Marylandness: flag, seasoning, and beer.

The Football

An offseason of hearing almost nothing about Maryland football! That’s not too shabby, guys.

The transition from Year Zero of Mike Locksley to Year One doesn’t look like it’ll be smooth sailing, but Locks might have succeeded in just bringing a smoother operation, some recruiting headlines, and a little bit of stability to a program which, as Bill Connelly has graphed, has tended to whipsaw between seasons:

So as the SS Testudo steams toward Locks and Dam No. 2, while Connelly makes the case that Maryland is America’s Most Perfectly Average Football Program…Maryland’s been well below the Big Ten average since joining in 2014. Recruiting is on the upswing, but it’s a project, and as we documented with Rutgers this morning, the Big Ten East is unforgiving.

Tell me, then:

  1. What’s the timeline on a Maryland rebuild—or is Perfectly Average also Good Enough?—and
  2. What’s the thing your school is Most Perfectly Average at?

BMan31: Oof, I mean, anything can happen but when your realistic ceiling is beating Texas and competing with Indiana, Rutgers, and Michigan for 4th in the B1G East, someone’s gotta lose out. With the right talent, the Terps are probably a year ahead of Rutgers but it’s a tough road.

LPW: I’d honestly give Maryland four years for a rebuild. I’m not confident Locksley is good football coach, but I’d be happy to be proven wrong after his team edges out Michigan for 4th place in the East.

WSR: I think Locksley’s successor should be able to do some pretty good things with the talent he’ll accrue, so I think 4-5 years should be Maryland’s timetable to make a bowl.

Jesse: Timeline is rough because honestly? Three conference wins with the talent surplus they have should be doable. The thing is, I just cannot understand - for the life of me - what the plan is to do anything with that talent. Give me three total years to pull this off, but also, don’t expect it to be consistent.

As for the thing Nebraska is perfectly average at? I don’t know… We’re kinda feast or famine for everything. We’ve got red uniforms, so I’m guessing that’s an average as hell thing.

MNW: Northwestern is the Wildcats. What’s more average than that?

I think the bit from Connelly is not that Maryland needs to go 7-5 every season, but a cessation to the back-and-forth of 9-3 to 3-9 (or, really in the Big Ten, 7-5 to 3-9) would certainly help. It seems (given Brian’s comments below) that Maryland fans in the Big Ten have settled into an Indiana-esque malaise of “be good enough and get us to basketball season,” so relevance into November would be swell.

To build that? It’s gonna take a 4-5 record in the Big Ten, and...woof. Maryland’s current and future non-con model of (1) local FCS/Sun Belt patsy, (2) AAC or nearby MACish team, and (3) home-and-home with P5 school is a punishing one that has almost guaranteed a 2-1 non-con record. The exception would be 2022 (Year Three-or-is-it-Four), when a schedule of Buffalo-atCharlotte-SMU means a 3-6 conference record SHOULD do it.

Conveniently, that’s four years of Locks. So my answer is four years. HERE WE COME, DUKE’S MAYO BOWL. /vomits

pkloa: Locksley has been pretty terrible, so Maryland might want to cut him loose midway through 2021. Or 2031. Whatever.

Nittany Lions Basketball is the Terps football of Penn State.

BrianB2: The fuck is “foot”ball? We are on year 18 of our current rebuild, so add as many years to that as you want, because Maryland is never competing in the realm of Big Ten football.

Maryland has a perfectly average head basketball coach.

The Food (and Flag)

Food- and culture-wise, though, we don’t associate Maryland with much in the way of “average”. There’s “crabcakes and football,” there’s “Old Bay on everything,” there’s that flag. So we’ve got a lot going on.

In the name of “Maryland Extremes,” we’re going right to the heart of it with a game of Fuck/Marry/Kill (or your preferred PG-13 name): Natty Boh, Old Bay, the flag. Go, and then give us one for your home state/alma mater.

BMan31: Kill has gotta be obvious, right? That flag is like someone flinging shit in your eyes. Fuck some Natty Boh, and Marry me up to some consistency in Old Bay.

For Purdue: we’ll go with the Boilermaker Special, the Duane Purvis Burger at Triple XXX Root Beer Stand, and being the site of Ohio State’s worst nightmares.

LPW: I’ll second BMan’s FMK for Maryland.

For Northwestern: Beer from Revolution Brewing or Half Acre Brewing, a quality Italian beef from Portillos, and I sadly don’t have anything on the kill part :(

WSR: Yeah, that feels like a good order. I’m not going to rock the boat here.

Let’s see...FMK for Minnesota. Let’s make this a miserable experience and go with: People who own Gopher message boards, the gentrification of campus, and UMN PTS.

Jesse: We’re not gonna rock the boat on the order? Like at all? I dunno, marrying Old Bay sounds terrible.

MNW: Yes, Jesse is correct. And actually [/puffs out chest] anyone who’s been to Maryland knows a true Marylander uses J.O. #2.

As such, kill Old Bay, fuck the flag (just to say I did it, y’know?), and marry Natty Boh. Mmmmm.

For Northwestern fans, uh…I guess Al’s (RIP), Rollin’ to Go (RIP), Chicken Shack. Your move.

pkloa: Going chalk on the Maryland FMK. Penn State FMK: The Nittany Lion Shrine, The Blue Band, and The Berkey Creamery.

Sorry, lactose intolerants.

Tell us your school’s FMK (and answer some of ours!) in the comments! Stay tuned tomorrow afternoon for more Maryland previews!


When will Locks get Maryland to a bowl?

This poll is closed

  • 6%
    2020, baby! the ol’ Two Year Plan
    (7 votes)
  • 21%
    2021: The P.J. Fleck (yes we know it took Peejus two years but that was in the Big Ten West, c’mon)
    (25 votes)
  • 16%
    2022: MNW was right.
    (19 votes)
  • 23%
    2023: Name a Five-Year Plan that ever went wrong. EVER.
    (27 votes)
  • 31%
    (36 votes)
114 votes total Vote Now



This poll is closed

  • 52%
    the flag
    (57 votes)
  • 11%
    Old Bay
    (12 votes)
  • 36%
    Natty Boh
    (40 votes)
109 votes total Vote Now



This poll is closed

  • 33%
    the flag
    (33 votes)
  • 34%
    Old Bay
    (34 votes)
  • 31%
    Natty Boh
    (31 votes)
98 votes total Vote Now



This poll is closed

  • 21%
    the flag
    (22 votes)
  • 48%
    Old Bay
    (49 votes)
  • 29%
    Natty Boh
    (30 votes)
101 votes total Vote Now