B1G 2020: Ranking the Minnesota Road Trips

As we continue to drag ourselves through this seemingly pointless exercise that is B1G 2020, I’ve been thinking about the thoroughly depressing “what should have been” that is this fall. The past couple years I’ve started attending more and more road games again, and this fall was going to be no different. In fact, I already had my plane tickets for one road trip, was watching another via google flights (and I still get depressing alerts because I can’t bring myself to remove it), and 3 more I was going to drive to. So for the sake of spiraling ever deeper into bleakness, let’s rank the Gopher football 2020 road trips in order of how much I was looking forward to them.

5) madison, wisconsin

I’m sad in as much as I won’t be able to go to the game. Pretty much everything about this trip is garbage.

4) Champaign-Urbana, Illinois

Blech. At least there’s madison to keep you from being the worst? Not having fans is better than their fans, so you’ve got that going for you.

3) East Lansing, Michigan

Matthew Mitchell

I had a friend once describe Michigan State as “purgatory” for Gopher fans. They’re not assholes, they’re not overly friendly. They’re just...there. A nebulous entity that only exists every few years when the teams play because there’s no other reason for Sparty to exist in the eyes of a Minnesota fan. The only ways they can cause pain is by winning (which feels like a coinflip most of the time, for some dumb reason) or by getting Google Flights alerts for a flight to East Lansing over Halloween weekend from MSP. The vacillations between $323 and $298 seem excessive, not that it matters anymore.

2) College Park, Maryland

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Why is a trip to Maryland #2? Simple. Because I haven’t been there for a game yet. Friends who attended the previous game in 2016 reported back that fans would show up to tailgate, but never go into the game. That boggles my mind, but everyone has their thing I guess. I even had my flight booked and everything. I guess I’ll try again in 2024.

1) Lincoln, NE

As annoying as Nebraska fans have been online during the Scott Frost era, I still enjoy trips to Lincoln. Is the tailgating “excellent” or “good” or “OK?” Not really. But it’s a reasonably short trip (even if you have to go through Iowa), the Stadium is fun, and Downtown Lincoln was entertaining on my most recent trip.

As an added bonus to rub in a little extra misery, my original plan was to attend the Egg Bowl on Thanksgiving night in Oxford, Mississippi, drive to Memphis after the game, fly to Kansas City early in the morning, and drive up to Lincoln for some pregame festivities and enjoy the Gophers-Huskers game on Black Friday. You can go to hell, 2020. Go to hell and die.

If you’ve got a road trip you had planned for this fall, feel free to share it in the comments so you can join in the misery.