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The Weekly Mailbag gets busy hating everyone else.

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You know who sucks? Your team. Yes, you.

A BROKEN CHAIR SCULPTURE!
Photo by Fatih Erel/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

(WSR note: due to a communication breakdown between MNW and myself, which is mostly my fault, this slipped through the cracks. Here ya go!)

It’s Friday, and it’s been 2 days since a Penn State coach pathetically brought up the lies about his players injury status and 3 days since the Iowa coach hilariously taunted Penn State and it’s players & coaches for faking injuries while lauding his fans for being “smart.” I hate this timeline.

These were some great questions this week, and I’m still a bit torn on a couple of them. Is there any point to cheering for anyone in the West to win the B1GCG if Minnesota can’t win it? (No.) Is there any one team that people would want to see win it the least? (I mean, anyone in the West that isn’t Minnesota, but there are 2 that absolutely stick out right now...)

Have a great weekend, thank you for your continued support of OTE, and please support the greatest trophy in the B1G’s causes of The University of Minnesota Children’s Hospital and Team Jack.

If your team can’t win the Big 10 Championship, what other team would you most like to see win it? - BizzaroMax

WSR: Ohio State. It makes people around me happy.

misdreavus79: Purdue. They’ve suffered enough.

RU in VA: As much as the Crimson Quarry / On the Banks feud is real, I think Indiana would be fun. A little bit of shine to the smaller teams, and seeing a team over PSU/Mich/and OSU would be fun.

MNW: I would maybe consider someone like a Purdue or Indiana getting over the hump, but then I think “but won’t their fans turn right around and be insufferable the next season?” (PS—you’ve sure heard a lot less from some NU fans this fall, huh?)

That’s why it might as well just be Ohio State. Don’t give me change, don’t force me to reckon with anything new — I’ll have a beef’n’cheddar, medium size, and just heap the curly fries on there.

Buffkomodo: The ‘gers because the chaos would be amazing tv.

HWAHSQB: No one. Fuck all y’all. This ain’t the SEC.

Thumpasaurus: Pretty big “IF” there buddy

Candystripes: My team already can’t win the Big 10 Championship, but if we’re talking overall, I think it’d be funny to see a team like Minnesota or Maryland winning it all. Maybe even the ‘Gers.

Michigan: Well we’ve seen how Iowa fans are this week, I hate OSU, and Michigan fans have given us a glimpse of their behavior after brief periods of basketball success. Fuck Wisconsin, the gophers steal all our ACLs, rutgers and the turtles don’t belong in the conference. That leaves IU, Illinois, Northwestern, Nebraska, MSU, and PSU. The latter three are out because they are all newcomers. So is IU for not being one of the original B1G club. Either Illinois or Northwestern is my pick. Honestly haven’t had an issue with any of their 10 collective fans.

Jesse: Uh… Probably Ohio State and only because I hate the idea of anyone else becoming annoying.

BRT: I don’t really mind Indiana, and Candystripes has suffered a lot. Also, if Indiana won, it would mean that the East division had a very interesting and satisfying year.

pkloa: Army Black Knights. Make it happen, Warren.

If an Ohio state university doesn’t win the B1G football championship, which other B1G school would you least like to see win it? - Hollywood Hawk Hogan

WSR: Nebraska. Congratulations, online Nebraska fans. You’ve passed wisconsin! Which is absolutely astonishing because of how absolutely awesome the Nebraska fans I’ve met in person are. You’re like a big, shitty Iowa right now.

misdreavus79: Take a motherfucking wild guess?

MNW: Iowa. And it’s not particularly close. Even when wisconsin was halfway decent, there was something to be said for the program Barry Alvarez had created, the power football they played, etc. At this point there is nothing redeeming about Iowa football except the punter, and even that schtick is wearing thin.

Buffkomodo: I despise Scott Frooster, so Nebraska.

HWAHSQB: It’s always Iowa. Fuck Bruce Pearl!

Thumpasaurus: Would you ever believe that in the year Jim Harbaugh looks most able to do it since 2016, nobody’s said Michigan?

Candystripes: Purdue. I don’t think I need to explain why.

BoilerUp89: Candystripes, we definitely need an explanation. Do you hate trains? As for this question, I don’t care so long as it’s not Ohio State.

RU in VA: It’s Penn State by a longshot. I can’t listen to alumni around here that went to PSU out of state because they couldn’t get into VT or UVA crow for an entire year.

Jesse: Literally anyone in the West. If I have to hear about that one time a West team did something great one more time, I might lose it.

BRT: Feel like you all already know this answer from me.

pkloa: The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. While I want them in the conference, I never want them to actually win it. Make it happen, Warren.

Why do I bother writing a grocery list if I don’t bring it to the store? - Atinat

WSR: You’re hoping that by having written it down, you’ll remember everything you need in a sort of triggered memory effect. But you’re going to forget that red onion you need, because you always forget that red onion. Also, I use the To-Do App, and it’s magnificent. I’ve got grocery lists (for both grocery stores and Costco) in addition to lists for Home Depot, Ikea, books, podcasts, recipes, and “stuff” which is like where I write down things mentioned in passing I should remember for later for things like birthday/Christmas presents.

misdreavus79: I usually go to the store and let the aisles speak to me, so I’ve never really viewed grocery lists as useful.

HWAHSQB: I always write lists now. I never used to. After my bout with cancer, I was completely unable to remember anything. If I’m getting two things, I don’t make a list because I can remember two items. I am helpless to remember a third thing. It’s pretty pathetic. I put all my lists on my phone so I don’t have to remember to bring the list.

MNW: I don’t just write a grocery list — I write it (or get very mad if my wife writes it and does not write it) in the order of the sections/aisles we’ll go down. No doubling back, no “oops maybe I want this” — you should have thought you wanted more ranch dressing when we passed the avocado green goddess dressing. Looks like you’re stuck finishing the ranch in the fridge.

Buffkomodo: Because your wife told you to make one. (Wife, significant other, pick your warden)

Jesse: I am - quite literally - the worst shopper on earth. If not for delivery / pick-up groceries, the likelihood of me (a) getting everything I need, and (b) getting out of the store without a bunch of stuff I don’t need, are both incredibly low. Also, I definitely roam around too much at stores.

BRT: Men, it is 2021. Why in the actual fuck isn’t your shopping list on your phone? Why do women have to be the ones who figure out how to efficiently carry out basic tasks? (Aside from MNW, and I’m on the fence as to whether his answer is very efficient or very crazy.) Be better please.

pkloa: I’d like to be better at the curbside pickup thing. Only did it once, and it was a huge success, so why can’t I think 4 hours ahead?

Poll

How do you handle your grocery list?

This poll is closed

  • 37%
    A paper list
    (52 votes)
  • 35%
    Electronic app
    (49 votes)
  • 26%
    Guessing and multiple trips
    (36 votes)
137 votes total Vote Now

Rank your top 5 movie monsters/entities/halloween bad guys - Jon Ross

misdreavus79:

  1. Freddy
  2. Jason
  3. Who cares those are the only two that matter.

MNW: Charlie Brown, Lucy, and all the kids who made fun of Linus.

Thumpasaurus: It’s pretty hard to top Death from the Final Destination series. It’s possible that Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, Scream mask guy, or whoever....are NOT in the house with you. They might just not be there yet. Death, however, is everywhere, and you have no idea what kind of sick shit it’s gonna come up with. By light-years the least escapable horror/thriller baddie.

HWAHSQB: Top five bad guys:

5. Freddy

4. Mike Myers

3. Darth Vader

2. Bill Lemmonier

1. Bruce Pearl

Buffkomodo: I actually despise monster movies. That said, game recognizes game.

  1. Mike Meyers
  2. Freddy
  3. The Thing (not marvel the thing)
  4. Godzilla
  5. Blair Witch

BRT: There is only one. Gangie. https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/f84/336/9c4e73eadd9f1c0c298ba083f470b00697-lucille-bluth-001.w710.gif

pkloa: Like Buff the Stuff, I don’t really care for too many monster or horror movies. I did appreciate Leatherback until his chainsaw duel with Dennis Hopper, so I guess he would be number 1.

WSR: I mean...is Ash a bad guy in Army of Darkness?

Poll

Are you a fan of scary Halloween movies?

This poll is closed

  • 24%
    Yes!
    (31 votes)
  • 75%
    No. I’m alive in 2021 and don’t need anything else trying to scare me.
    (94 votes)
125 votes total Vote Now

Which current Big 10 coach, other than your own, would you like to see coach your team? - Buckeyes2014

WSR: Mel Tucker is doing some great work right now, but I’d like to see a few more years of work before he can pass my #1. James Franklin, come on over buddy. You’re going to love it here.

HWAHSQB: Any of them. I think all 13 would be an improvement on Bert.

misdreavus79: It has to be Ryan Day. Who better to take Penn State over the Ohio State hump than Ohio State’s coach?

MNW: Hearing good things about this coach who has Michigan on the come-up. Wonder how he’d handle coaching at a private school...

BoilerUp89: Tom Allen. Because that would mean he left IU for Purdue. Which would be hilarious to me.

Jesse: Uh, I mean, Ryan Day, right? Like, the guy who is an actual offensive genius.

BRT: Ryan Day is very unlikeable and for some reason reminds me of a ferret with his face, but I guess I already have an unsympathetic coach and may as well have an unsympathetic coach who creates Death Star teams. Aside from that though, Mel Tucker seems like he might know what he’s doing.

Poll

Which other B1G coach would you want replacing your guy?

This poll is closed

  • 18%
    Ryan Day
    (23 votes)
  • 11%
    Tom Allen
    (14 votes)
  • 36%
    James Franklin
    (46 votes)
  • 3%
    Jim Harbaugh
    (4 votes)
  • 30%
    Field
    (39 votes)
126 votes total Vote Now

In a showdown between the most assshole B1G fanbase and the most holier-than-though B1G fanbase, who ya got? - beezer07

RU in VA: Between Michigan and Nebraska, respectively? Whoo boy.

misdreavus79: Even after this week’s events, I’ve always felt the “X fanbase is Y” thing to be a bit much. All fan bases have examples of unsavory behavior, and sometimes we (as in, you, the person reading this sentence and me, the person writing it) are the example of the unsavory behavior. All that is needed is the right circumstance.

Does that mean we shouldn’t hold people accountable for their behavior? Of course not! But I’m also not about to punch the next Iowa fan I meet just because I’m pissed about what happened at the game and what Ferentz followed it up with.

MNW: CC to Hawkeye Elvis: want to get a beer on Friday? Totally unrelated to misdreavus’s comment above…

Buffkomodo: Corporate America

Candystripes: I’m sorry, Beez, you’re gonna have to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more specific on both of those.

Jesse: Yes.

BRT: Amazingly, as of right now, Iowa is managing to be both. It’s kind of impressive actually. “We are justified in our boos because PSU is a bunch of dirty fakers!!!!!!” and “Don’t you wish you were as kind to sick children as we are? We are so amazing to them. We wave at them, you know.” co-existing in the same fanbase is just *chef’s kiss*.

WSR: **points up**