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Maryland-Minnesota Recap: Same As It Ever Was for the Terps

A Kinder Bueno commercial, and the wheels have fallen off in College Park.

Minnesota v Maryland Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images

Before the game, I had two thoughts about the potential outcomes:

  • If Maryland wins, I’m not gonna feel like beating my chest and declaring Maryland is BAAACCCKKKKK. MN just doesn’t impress me and I am not sold on Peej. I would have been happy, but still remember what Iowa and Ohio State did to MD. So, I would have been more relieved than happy.
  • If Maryland loses, the wheels have come off Cinderella’s carriage, and Maryland has, indeed, turned into a pumpkin.

Minnesota Golden Gophers 34, Maryland Terrapins 16

What happened was the calendar turned to October, the wheels have definitely fallen off the carriage, MD has turned into a pumpkin in the middle of the road, and that pumpkin just got trucked to the tune of 326 rushing yards allowed. With Minny’s top two running backs gone for the season.

“Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was.”
—David Byrne

As always, Maryland’s O-line and D-line look inadequate to compete in the B1G.

To let you know how optimistic I was, I did yard work and did not check on the game until the third quarter. The half quarter that I watched was enough to get a feel for the game. Maryland couldn’t convert on third down in short yardage situations, and the Terps couldn’t stop that “elite” Minnesota rushing attack.

My lone regret for doing yard work was missing that crazy Penn State-Illinois game. Wow. 9 OTs. The most total and complete Penn State dick trip ever. I suppose it is more depressing to see the same bad football year after year being a MD football fan (or an Illini fan). But, it has to be more painful to be a PSU fan. There are no elite college football teams this year and Penn State had a legit chance to make it into the college football playoff, but they lost to Iowa (not terrible, Kinnick is a tough place to win), but then they lose to BERT!?! Wow.

Ohio State is in the playoff if they do what they should and win out. And I don’t see any team that they can’t beat now that they have demoted their DC.

I’ve decided the football season should only be a month long. MD football is actually fun in September. But, come October, shit gets real and it ain’t pretty.

I wrote over the summer that Maryland is the perfect new member. They win national championships in non-rev sports like, women’s lacrosse, men’s lacrosse, and men’s soccer. They have more or less dominated women’s basketball in the B1G. Men’s basketball is respectable. MD has even up its game in women’s volleyball this fall. They always post a respectable non-con record in football, then politely lay down in the middle of the road and get trucked by any semi-competent B1G football team.

“Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was.”
—David Byrne

Shit. I’d like to hear the B-side of this record just to see/hear something different.

Or for those youngsters who don’t understand that old guy reference, Who put this damn song on loop!?!

In the comments, don’t bother commenting on the game. It’s not worth your time. Just name the song that would absolutely send you over the edge if you had to listen to it on loop.

Speaking of annoying things, like songs that drive you nuts, and watching bad MD football on metaphorical repeat, can somebody explain that weird Kinder Bueno candy bar commercial to me? The red-headed women in the pink dress bites into a Kinder Bueno bar in the middle of a grocery store and starts levitating while three pubescent kids look on. The pink skirt, pink top and pink lipstick seem to clash with her red hair. And why three middle-school kids? Who thought this was a good way to sell candy bars? And to whom?

Here is the link for those folks who only stream and don’t watch TV anymore:

So...where do we go from here?

I have seen enough. This will not change until Maryland ponies up enough money to hire a better coach and provides that coach with adequate funds to hire a good coaching staff. I believe this same situation exists at Illinois, Purdue, and Indiana.

Up next: Indinia (12pm ET, BTN)

Wow. How did Indinia get so bad so fast after last year’s season? Ohio State did not punt in the first half. 44-7 at halftime.

Should be a competitive game. If you like watching JV high school football, you should circle this game on your calendar.