Well good morning!
WSR is stuck playing a zone defense and your blog overlord is cranky, so here’s a spooky Mailbag full of tricks (forcing you to pick the best team in the West and when Ohio State finally loses a conference game) and treats (rivalry trophies, Halloween candy, and laughing at wisconsin).
Basketball decides to adopt a trophy game. Who’s your team’s opponent and what trophy/item are you playing for? - BuffKomodo
HWAHSQB: Iowa and the Old Copper 1989 Chevy Blazer
BoilerUp89: Indiana obviously is the team. I think we should play for the Big Ten championship trophy but there seems to be a rule against both teams being any good in recent years.
misdreavus79: Maybe Penn State, Maryland, and Rutgers can finally play for the Delaware trophy!
BrianB2: Maryland and Illinois can play for the “Who can Fail to Meet Expectations More” bucket.
MNW: I know BuffKomodo, BoilerUp, misdreavus, and others have begun working on some kind of formula for this in the writers’ Slack, but I also have some thoughts on how these should be determined. Basketball absolutely does need rivalry trophies (it would be so easy to keep them at the media table opposite both benches for a nice “race to the trophy” after the buzzer).
First, though, Northwestern already plays DePaul for the very real Mayor’s Key. Let’s please not forget that ancient and hallowed rivalry tradition. AND IN THAT VEIN:
- Add a championship game to the Crossroads Classic and make the trophy an interstate highway sign but with the Indiana flag on it.
- It’s the obvious one, but Indiana and Purdue can play for the Old Folding Chair — link a P or an I on it just like the Bucket.
- There’s already an unused trophy we can repurpose for the Cy-Hawk rivalry…
- DID YOU KNOW RUTGERS AND SETON HALL ALREADY PLAY FOR A TROPHY?!?
- Want spark to what I’m sure will be an ultra-competitive Minnesota-St. Thomas rivalry? Spice it up with the Green Line Trophy — it’s actually just a Blucy from Blue Door, but the winning team stuffs their faces. Watch out for the hot cheese, guys!
BRT: Who else is historically bad at basketball in the Big Ten? PSU? Northwestern? Nebraska should play another traditionally underwhelming team for a deflated basketball.
RockyMtnBlue: Michigan and jNW should play for The Library trophy, in honor of the two quietest gyms in the Big 10.
Who would be more upset at a 1st half targeting suspension for Graham Mertz: wisconsin fans or Iowa fans? - BradNortmansActingCoach
Candystripes: Depends on whether or not the pick Mertz threw was a pick-six. Iowa fans if they didn’t score, Wisconsin fans if they did.
HWAHSQB: Why not both?
misdreavus79: Iowa fans, because that would all but guarantee a Wisconsin blowout.
BrianB2: Everyone is indeed a winner in that scenario.
MNW: Anyone who would have taken the under on this game would be pretty pissed, since that guarantee would pretty much be gone.
BRT: Iowa fans would love it, they’d chalk it up to another broken quarterback due to their defense and not stop bragging about it for weeks. So I suppose by default, that means it’s Wisconsin.
MC ClapYoHandz: This question of course comes in response to last week’s game in which Graham Mertz maybe should have been called for targeting in the second half which is kind of a hilarious concept. Anyways the answer is Wisconsin fans because for as bad as Wiscosnin’s passing offense is, backup performances have proven that Mertz has indeed won the job fairly, and the Badgers would indeed fare worse if he was out.
RockyMtnBlue: Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? I think we can all agree that what’s really important is at least one of those fanbases gets upset.
What is the best and worst Halloween candy? - IUinVA
misdreavus79: I’m not a big candy eater (reference cookie question from earlier in the season), but, since candy corn is conventionally the worst, and I actually like the fact that it’s not a sugar explosion in my mouth, I gotta go with candy corn.
BrianB2: If I had to pick just one, probably Reese’s Pumpkins. You can’t go wrong with additional peanut butter. Candy corn definitely is not the worst, but it certainly isn’t great. Necco Wafers? Anything black licorice? Whoppers? It is too subjective, but the only person I know that likes all three of those things is my mother, and she is an IDIOT.
MNW: The worst is candy corn. Thank you for playing, the rest of you can go home.
Townie: Best are Reece’s cups. Worst are those “good for you” dehydrated fruit packets from the anti-sugar, anti-fun parents. And for the record, I love candy corn.
BRT: There’s a solid top-tier: Reese’s, Twix, Milky Way. All of these are delicious, or as delicious as mass-produced American chocolate can be. Anything with nuts ruining the chocolate is the worst. Snickers? Hershey’s with Almonds? Why do these things exist? Who thinks that having a bland rock in their chocolate makes for an improved candy experience? Bad texture, minimal flavor contribution—nuts are the worst.
MC: Any candy is Halloween candy if you try hard enough, so I’m here to champion Sour Punch Bites as best candy in any context. Not the straws, the bites. They are perfect; go get them. Everyone has mentioned candy corn so I’ll hate on those likely 30-year old Mary Jane candies we got as kids that I always assumed, even as my naive miniature self, were narcotics.
RockyMtnBlue: BRT’s answer started so well. And then it went to hell in a handbasket. Reese’s gets the nod as the best. Worst is Charleston Chew. Those should be handed out as punishment.
Worst Halloween candy?
This poll is closed
Anything where nuts ruin the chocolate
What the hell, BRT
[Ohio State] has to lose a conference game some day. Will it be this season? Which game? I’ll include the CCG in this season, assuming they do go. - Waw
Candystripes: It will not, in fact, be this season.
HWAHSQB: September 28, 2024 A top ten ranked osu team is a 23-25 pt favorite over Illinois. We have them right where we want them.
BoilerUp89: OSU will lose out, finish 6-6, and decline the bowl bid. Then they will shut the program down.
misdreavus79: You know goddamned well it’s going to be this weekend because Penn State has already knocked themselves out of playoff contention. Because of course.
BrianB2: When Hawaii eventually joins the Big Ten, they’ll have OSU’s number.
MC: The Game. It is happening. Okay it’s not, but it kinda looks like pulses will be shown this time at least. My vote is for Kansas, whenever they inevitably join.
When does Ohio State finally lose a regular-season conference game?
This poll is closed
Penn State this year
Purdue this year
Michigan State this year
Michigan this year
Let’s circle back to this in 2024
Which is better, a really good doughnut or a really good bagel? -Broated Nutcrackle
HWAHSQB: A bagel with egg and cheese is awesome, but I’d take a donut over a plain bagel.
BoilerUp89: Mmmmm… donuts.
misdreavus79: So, like, sweet things, are, like, not my thing.
BrianB2: A really good bagel, hands down, but yea, it requires additional toppings.
MNW: Savory over sweet. Give me a really good bagel (as long as I get cream cheese, which feels fair because I would like my donut tarted up with all sorts of icing, too).
Townie: If you chose donuts, you haven’t had a really good bagel yet.
BRT: An amazing everything bagel is unbeatable. That said, I think it’s easier for donuts to pass the “good” threshold than for a bagel to do so.
MC: Yeah don’t ever go to NYC unless you want to ruin your hometown bagel life. BRT has it right, a really good bagel is better, a kinda good donut is easier.
RockyMtnBlue: Objection, your Honor. Assumes facts not in evidence.
This poll is closed
In honor of the beautiful debacle that was Illinois/Penn State last week, what rules changes to college football overtime would you propose? - Hollywood Hawk Hogan
HWAHSQB: None. The rules are perfect just the way they are.
misdreavus79: Fuck my life.
BrianB2: Since Illinois won...nothing. I get that they don’t want games going 7 hours and ending with scores of 84-77, but I am not a terribly big fan of the two point conversion shootout. Do I have any better proposals...ummm, field goal shootout!
MNW: That there be a dedicated coaches’ cam on picture-in-picture so we can see Bert and the Frankloin around the clock.
Townie: Leave it to an Iowa fan to poke that pile of shit…
BRT: I thought that ending was amazing, and am grateful and in shock that that stupid ending did not involve Nebraska. That said, I don’t think the two-point conversion is a great answer. I didn’t mind the earlier overtime rules, or hey, maybe just end in a tie if it doesn’t actually matter (a championship or a bowl game, for example.)
MC: Each overtime substitutes out one more player for each team in favor of a random fan in the stands.
RockyMtnBlue: I liked the old rules just as they were. Maybe allow ties after 4 OTs if you want to protect the players from overly long games.
Since there are no good teams in the West, which team is the least flawed? - Free Beer Tomorrow
HWAHSQB: Eat at Arby’s.
BoilerUp89: The Nebraska volleyball team.
misdreavus79: It’s going to be hilarious when Wisconsin ends up winning the West anyway and they shoot right back up to the top 10.
MNW: Brian’s made a lot of good points today.
Townie: I need to recuse myself from this conversation after fully backing the hapless jNorthwestern Wildcats preseason. Clearly, I couldn’t pick a decent west team if I had to.
MC: Never pick jNW on odd years. I’ll stick with Iowa, not just because it’s true but also to bolster Wisconsin’s shitty resume (for what? don’t ask questions) when they win this game. Maybe.
RockyMtnBlue: It’s either Wisconsin or Iowa, so I guess we’ll know this week. I’m going with Wisconsin. I’d rather have a great run defense and a good pass defense than vice-versa, especially in this league.
Who’s the least flawed in the West?
This poll is closed
A piping hot beef’n’cheddar
Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.