Let me start this week’s article by stating what should be obvious: Delaney Dollars are not real and they should never have any value for anyone, ever. That said, stick around a few paragraphs to find out how you can spend your real money to get more fictional money in this game! Spend enough, and you could end up winning the whole enchilada*.

So, what happened over the weekend? Oh yeah, Ferentz reinforced the Iowa Flukeyes [-5.0%] were never deserving of your hard-earned money, and The Formula still has Nebraska [-6.2%] as inflated as their secondary mascot. Flip side, Minnesota [+7.2%] has made me rich enough to retire comfortably, but I will continue “earning” more Delaney Dollars than I’d ever need, because this is America, dammit.

Spreadsheet nerd moment of the day: I wanted to see how much market value gained or lost when our teams dicktrip, so I added a new row. The Wildcats lost $97DD of their investors’ holdings this week, compared to the Gophers gaining $266DD for theirs. Cheers, PJ! Biggest bloodbath of the year, so far? Rutger dropping $350DD following their showing at Ryan Field back on October 16th.

The Rules

1. Start with an initial investment equal to the average of all current investors. This week, that’s 585 Delaney Dollars ($585DD).
2. Select team stocks to buy.
3. After the week’s games, sell, hold, and/or buy for the next week.
4. Max number of any one team’s shares that you can own is 50.
5. The game pays a 10% dividend of current prices in weeks 4, 7, 10, and 13 for all shares you’ve held for three consecutive weeks.

Team stock value comes from Teamrankings.com. The value of each team is the inverse of their current rating (out of 130 FBS teams), so team #2 costs $129, #6 costs $125, #129 costs $2.

What Teams Should I Invest In?

Buy low, sell high. Or vice versa. Buy shares of your own team, or feel all greasy by buying shares of your rival. While nobody can perfectly predict The Formula, team ratings are pretty much based on their game results, their opponents, and their opponents’ opponents.

Some players diversify, and others go heavy on one stock. You’ll find your niche. If you don’t like the dartboard method, you may want to check out Dead Read’s B1G Stock Report.

This Week

I sure do hope one of you can make this race interesting, but you just know it’ll come down to Minnesota screwing up everything for me. Oh hey, is that Illinois on the horizon?

The opening bell has rung, here are this week’s stock prices:

Illinois 53; Indiana 67; Iowa 114; Maryland 64; Michigan 127; Michigan State 110; Minnesota 104; Nebraska 106; Northwestern 46; Ohio State 128; Penn State 118; Purdue 99; Rutger 66; Wisconsin 115

Get your buys in by ****6pm Best Time Zone Thursday night.**** And remember, greed is good.

*You want enchiladas now, right? Well, get down to Las Calderas on the corner of 17th & Raspberry, because you’ll find none here.