Ten B1G Things

1. PSU with a bunch of losses, OSU’s season ruined by Michigan...it’s the ‘90s all over again
2. Hell of a gamble by Ryan Day, leaving the entire starting defense in Columbus...the real trick was finding 11 mopes off the street in Ann Arbor who fit the uniforms
3. How else can you explain letting Hassan Haskins, the pinnacle of backfield mediocrity, score 5 fucking touchdowns? (That’s 2.5x his season high, for you math types)
4. Apparently, getting Harbaugh to win the B1G East requires making him actually sing for his supper instead of paying him for running his suckhole and dressing like a Methodist deacon
5. Ryan Day’s affinity for terrible defensive coordinators doesn’t hurt—which goes to explain how Michigan scored their highest point total since 1946 in this rivalry
6. Michigan is definitely improving...last year they found a way not to lose by simply not showing up, this year they found a way to win. Almost makes the nearly $50 million Harbaugh’s taken from UM seem worth it.
7. It’s entirely possible now that the B1G will miss the playoffs, which may be a blessing this year
8. Paul Bunyan has decided he prefers police violence to vigilante violence
9. Iowa somehow beating Michigan would be the best outcome for America, clearly
10. Northwestern really takes the “down” portion of their up year/down year schedule seriously
11. MSU now has LASER POWER, which everyone knows was the best gun upgrade in Contra. And like Contra, it will wear off before reaching the boss in bowl season
12. Winless-diana doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, accuracy notwithstanding
13. Betting lines are still open on Scott Frost’s next job
14. There’s always next year

The Rundown

OSU at Michigan | Our national nightmare has returned, 42-27

Brace yourselves, Winter* is Coming

*All the Michigan fans who couldn’t find a comments section on off tackle empire dot com for the last 5 years

GF3: I suppose after 10 years, it had to happen. But it’s still disgusting, and even more so because Ohio State is a more talented and capable team across the board. So many mental mistakes that killed drives. Five false starts—three from the right tackle position. Dropped TD catches. Stroud taking sacks instead of throwing the ball away. The defense’s complete inability to stop a pedestrian running attack from an offense that Michigan State’s leaky defense held to 116 yards—a run game everyone knew would be the go-to attack for Meechigan—was utterly astounding. When a team needs 4 yards on 3rd down and gets 7 per carry, you know they’re going to run it. They’ll probably get the conversion, too. They should not get 20+ yards from the run if your defensive coordinator is anything more sentient than a bag of ham sandwiches.

I know I can’t be too mad about the season OSU had, given the starting QB had never thrown a collegiate pass on September 1 and ended the season as the league’s most prolific passer and best QB by far. And I suppose I can’t be too mad at 17-3 against Michigan since the end of the painful carnival of ineptitude that was the John Cooper era head coach. That said, the Kerry Coombs/Matt Barnes experiment as defensive coordinators has to end. Day needs to do some serious off-season hiring. I never imagined the loss of Jeff Hafley after 2019 would set OSU back so far on defense, but the cupboard is bare in terms of the defensive headshed. The Buckeyes won on raw defensive talent alone this year. Save for the switch from a Cover 1/3 to a Cover 4 Meg base, the overall defensive scheming has been hard to live with this year.

RMB: I don’t even know what to say. Michigan ended both halves running out the clock. Set aside those possessions and Michigan scored touchdowns the last five times they had the ball, including all four times in the 2nd half. That’s what OSU was supposed to do to us. Haskins was brilliant, running behind an offensive line that came to play. Michigan’s last two touchdown drives included exactly two pass attempts. All of that said, the defense holding OSU to 27 might be even better. This OSU team scored 45 on Purdue in the first half, and then went out and scored 49 on MSU in the first half. They got 13 in the first half of this game. Suck it OSU. For once you’re not the undisputed kings. I hope you choke on your pending Rose Bowl win.

Brian Gillis (long-time writer, first-time commenter): What can I say about this one? It was a long time coming. Aidan Hutchinson called out the home crowd, saying what a lift it provided all day. He wasn’t exaggerating. The atmosphere was as electric as any I can remember. All game long. Addressing the media after the game, Brad Hawkins said he was having trouble holding back the tears. He wasn’t the only one.

---

Wisconsin at Minnesota | Hats off to Thee, 33-23

Dads across Wisconsin lament loss of precious tool

WSR: It feels so ridiculously good to out-wisconsin the badgers. Completely taking away the run and forcing an opponent to rely on a terrible QB to flail helplessly while you do just enough to score is fun and we should try to do that some more. Deep down there’s still a nagging frustration about finishing 2nd in the West, but that can wait until later because we just snuffed out the skunks and goddamn is that a perfect way to end the regular season.

Beezer07: Dislike. No, STRONG dislike.

Kind of...: Minnesota came out with a sound game plan and played hard. Wisconsin got crossed-up and looked flat-footed. Braelon Allen is probably banged up, but can you really complain about RB health when you’re playing Minnesota? So Iowa wins the West despite H2H loss to UW. Iowa beat PSU who beat UW, which evened that out. Basically, the difference is that UW had to play Michigan and Iowa didn’t. Well, now Iowa gets to play Michigan. Wisconsin isn’t as bad as their 1-3 start suggested, but not as good as most teams that go on 7 game win streaks. Will be interesting to see how much of the defense returns (especially among the LBs). It’s Wisconsin, there will be plenty of talent next year, and/but just enough questions that 10-2 is likely the ceiling, especially with trips to East Lansing and Columbus. Did I mentioned the B1G title in volleyball? And the Maui Invitational title?

---

Iowa at Nebraska | Iowa wins a set of corn-shaped corncob holders (or whatever), 28-21

Creighton: I have nothing new to say about Iowa because they’ve been getting away with the same bullshit on offense all year long and have flat out refused to change. Thank god Nebraska ran over that witch and got cursed to lose every game in the dumbest way possible for all eternity. I am hereby endorsing special teams coach LeVar Woods to be Kirk Ferentz’ successor and I hope we build him a Scrooge McDuck vault and fill it with cash

Stewmonkey: Ho hum. Just a boring 28-21 win over an over matched UNL playing for pride. Pretty perfunctory, and not at all incredibly stupid. Don’t look it up.Also, Holy Shit this game. lol. I mean, we should have all listened, but there was just no way for this Iowa team to score that many points in that amount of time. And yet. AND YET!Your Iowa Hawkeyes are the champions of the West. With a real (small) chance to win over not Ohio State. And it’s all your fault. Look at you for not preventing this. This stupid and awesome, and hilarious. Fuck all y’all.

Dead_Read: All I can say about this season is that I am so glad it is over.

BRT: The game went as expected. You all should have believed us and are fools for not doing so. I am glad I do not have to watch Nebraska football for nine months, as this season has been... a lot.I will have no further comment on Nebraska football until next August.

---

Michigan State at PSU | Mel Tucker’s hits double digits, 30-27

Assiduous Keeponkeepinonski: *emerging from snow drift*

Ahhh, bracing! This game had all the 2021 MSU hallmarks - effective, creative offensive playcalling; pass defense that was absolutely powerless at times, especially in obvious passing downs with a chance to get off the field; FOUR FALSE STARTS AT HOME, but ultimately, enough clutch plays to come away with the victory.Depending on how stuff falls, hopefully the Fiesta Bowl awaits, but in the closing moments, the snow globe effect in Spartan Stadium hit me over the head as a reminder to take in what a fantastic surprise this season as a whole has been - and I almost didn’t go, sulking over the Ohio State result last week. Everyone: do the thing, go to the event, it’s rare that you’ll regret hauling your carcass off the couch.

87Townie: Michigan State’s defensive weakness - defending passes. Penn State’s offensive weakness - running the ball. Of course our brain trust runs the fucking ball on first down, every series. If you like first and ten, you’ll love second and twelve... I’m so fucking done. We paid for this, for the next decade. My dad was so pissed off, he took the dog for a walk in the fourth quarter. “If they aren’t going to try, neither am I”. Nice try. Hustle off.

Misdreavus79: Well, the season has mercifully come to a close. What looked like a promising year turned out to be a disappointing year, relatively speaking. Looking at it from the standpoint of where they were last season, winning seven games and making a bowl is progress. But if you look at it from within the season, it’s hard to look at how things have gone and not wonder “what if”. Like the season overall, this game was there for the taking, but a sprinkling of mistakes and blown plays late effectively made it all but impossible to seal the deal.

---

Northwestern at Illinois | LOL Damn Cats, 47-14

Bert wins title of King Buzzcut, trouncing contender Fitz

Thump: it’s cool to have a coaching staff that gives a shit about competing in the last game of the year. it’s super cool to have a defense that doesn’t get lit up by Andrew Marty and in fact makes horse teeth o’shaughnessy give up on him after two drives. it’s extremely cool to have the OTHER team not be able to stop OUR god awful passing offense. it was extremely cool of ryan walters to blitz the corner up 33 late in the third corner for a big time sack. it’s straight up bitchin’ to actually have a rivalry trophy back. it’s actually surreal to go into the off-season feeling like better things might be possible. we’ll be worse next year, but I might actually live to see another winning season at this rate. I can’t believe the fighting illini had a chance to fucking devastate me and didn’t gut me like a fish.

He Was a HS QB: I’m often this wrong, but I’m rarely this happy about it.

LPW: Fuck this season. We got embarrassed by Bert Bielema’s inaugural fighting Illini squad. From first to the goddamn cellar in a year. There had better be some changes made, but knowing fitz, he’ll be stubborn and not change a damn thing.

MNW: I shared my thoughts last night. Enjoy.

---

Indiana at Purdue | Purdue wins a gunless bucket 44-17

Tom Allen, we hardly knew ye

BoilerUp89: Purdue gets their bucket back and finishes with 8 wins for the first time since 2006. I have zero complaints about this season or this game

Candystripes: Mercifully, Indiana’s season has finally crashed to a halt. And with IU men’s soccer also having its season crash to a halt, I must submit to the inevitable and declare that it is finally basketball season. Good grief.

BuffKomodo: It’s over and there’s not much to say about it. There are no silver linings. There is nothing to look forward to. Just an off-season of wait and see. Tom Allen’s last two years have bought him a bad year. Should next year go similarly, I’d say that he will be looking at the unemployment line. Let’s see how it shakes out.

---

Maryland at Rutgers | Terps are Best of the Worst, 40-16

The fact that neither our Maryland or Rutgers writers ever comment for SMCD is really just perfect. Turn both of their stadiums into Apple Stores. At least then they’d see a crowd.