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Don’t Watch This; Watch That: Your College Football Guide to CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK

Basically just finding casual excuses to laugh at Southerners and yell “motherfucker” in public places:

NCAA Basketball: Ohio at Louisiana State Stephen Lew-USA TODAY Sports

I was originally going to drop this yesterday. Hope you followed my recommendations for Thursday night.

OK, so we’re starting with the Brian Kelly bit:

And just giving you this one nugget for a little more context:

But really, the Brian Kelly bit reminds me of when my dean of my college walked by my classroom—lot of windows, closed door—as I was explaining to my students the 1968 Columbia University protests and their use of “Up against the wall, motherfucker” in an open letter to the university president. Part of that lecture involves me repeating the line and asking them on what issues they’d feel passionately enough to use that language to our university’s authority figures, including the dean himself. We usually have a good laugh.

He remarked to me, in his Texan drawl, that “It sure seemed like y’all were havin’ a good time in there—what were you discussing?”

I relayed to him the story, and he said, “I forget—what was it they said to the president?”

Sheepishly, I repeated “Up against the wall, motherfucker” to the dean of my college.

He smirked, said “With that adorable Fargo accent, I’d never take you seriously if you called me a motherfucker,” and walked away.

I’ve never felt so dealt with in my life.

Thursday Night

Don’t Watch This

{NFL} Dallas Cowboys at New Orleans Saints [7:20pm, FOX]

{WBB} #24 Notre Dame at Michigan State [5pm, BTN]
{WBB} Penn State at Boston College [5pm, ACCN]
{WBB} Miami at #8 Maryland [7pm, BTN]
{WBB} #25 Florida State at Illinois [7pm, BTN+]
{WBB} Northwestern at Clemson [7pm, ACCN]
{Liga MX} Pumas UNAM vs. Atlas [9pm, TUDN]

Watch That

Big Ten Women’s Basketball Games

#2 NC State Wolfpack at #6 Indiana Hoosiers [6pm, ESPN2]
#12 Michigan at #10 Louisville Cardinals [6pm, ESPN]
#9 Iowa at Duke [8pm, ESPN]

Big Ten Volleyball in the NCAA Tournament

Purdue vs. Illinois State [6pm, ESPN+]

Men’s Basketball Games

Delaware Fighting Blue Hens at Delaware State Hornets [6pm, YouTube]
Saint Mary’s Gaels at Utah State Aggies [8pm, CBSSN]

BRT and Kind of... have your Big Ten Volleyball analysis of the NCAA Tournament bracket here:

Hint: Northwestern’s not winning it all :(


What did you watch?

This poll is closed

  • 10%
    (7 votes)
  • 14%
    (9 votes)
  • 32%
    (21 votes)
  • 1%
    (1 vote)
  • 40%
    Something else!
    (26 votes)
64 votes total Vote Now

Friday Night

Don’t Watch This

Holy Cross Crusaders at #5 Villanova Wildcats (-13, O/U 49.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Pac-12: #10 Oregon Ducks vs. #17 Utah Utes (-3, O/U 58) [7pm, ABC]

{MBB} Rutgers at Illinois [6pm, ESPN2]

{MHKY} Minnesota at Michigan [5:30pm, BTN]

Watch That

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers at UTSA Roadrunners

6pm | CBSSN | WKU -3 | O/U 72.5
C-USA Conference Championship Game

Eastern Washington Eagles at #6 Montana Grizzlies

8pm | ESPN+ | Montana -3 | O/U 59
FCS Playoffs — Round 2

{MBB} Iowa at #2 Purdue

8pm | BTN

{WSOC} Rutgers vs. Florida State

College Cup Semifinals — 6pm | ESPNU

Big Ten Volleyball in the NCAA Tournament (all on ESPN+)

Michigan vs. Ball State [3pm — in Louisville, KY]
Illinois vs. West Virginia [4pm — in Lexington, KY]
Ohio State vs. Howard [6pm — in Columbus, OH]
Minnesota vs. South Dakota [7pm — in Minneapolis, MN]
Nebraska vs. Campbell [7pm — in Lincoln, NE]
Wisconsin vs. Colgate [7pm — in Madison, WI]

I’m honestly just reeling based on Rutgers being in a semifinal of anything.

Hey! Round 2 of the FCS Playoffs starts tonight! If you’re looking for a great overview of what happened in Round 1 and what to expect for Round 2, be sure to check it out from our friends at Missouri Valley Beat:

If you haven’t watched Western Kentucky yet this season, now’s the time to start—the ‘Toppers just air it the hell out: QB Bailey Zappe is on the cusp of FIVE THOUSAND yards for the year, and he’s tossed 52 touchdown. FIFTY-TWO.

For reference, Northwestern scored 16 all season.

Don’t bother fact-checking that, it’s probably lower and I’ll get all depressed.


Friday night! Not like you have a date, so you’re watching...

This poll is closed

  • 13%
    (12 votes)
  • 4%
    Eastern Washington-Montana
    (4 votes)
  • 40%
    College basketball
    (36 votes)
  • 7%
    College soccer
    (7 votes)
  • 10%
    College volleyball
    (9 votes)
  • 24%
    Something else in the wide world of sports
    (22 votes)
90 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

Big XII: #9 Baylor Bears vs. #5 Oklahoma State Cowboys (-5.5, O/U 46.5) [11am, ABC]

{MBB} Nebraska at Indiana [11am, BTN]
{MBB} Saint Joseph’s at #6 Villanova [11am, FS1]
{MBB} #18 Memphis at Ole Miss [11am, ESPN2]
{MBB} Robert Morris at Milwaukee [11am, ESPNU]
{CBB} San Diego State at #24 Michigan [12pm, CBS]
{Serie A} Roma vs. Inter Milan [11am, CBSSN]
{EPL} Watford vs. Manchester City [11:30am, NBC]
{La Liga} Atletico Madrid vs. Mallorca [11:30am, ESPN+]
{FA Cup} Yeovil Town vs. Stevenage [11:30am, ESPN+]
{Ligue 1} Lille vs. Troyes [12pm, beIN]

Watch That

Kent State Golden Flashes vs. Northern Illinois Huskies

11am | ESPN | Kent -3.5 | O/U 74.5 | Ford Field, Detroit, MI
MAC Championship Game — MACtion!

Big Ten Men’s Basketball

Marquette Golden Eagles at Wisconsin Badgers [11:30am, FOX]

{Bundesliga} Borussia Dortmund vs. Bayern Munich

11:30am | ESPN+

Der Klassiker, a soon-to-be 58-56 (3OT) MAC championship final, a fun basketball team and also wisconsin, and yet some of you idiots will still watch Baylor-Oklahoma State to see who goes to the College Football Playoff despite having watched how the Committee just makes shit up to fit its preferred narratives.


Pour an extra-spicy bloody, let’s sit down and watch...

This poll is closed

  • 29%
    (23 votes)
  • 9%
    (7 votes)
  • 15%
    (12 votes)
  • 0%
    (0 votes)
  • 5%
    Other college hoops!
    (4 votes)
  • 40%
    Baylor-Oklahoma State
    (31 votes)
77 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

Kennesaw State Owls at #7 East Tennessee State Buccaneers [1pm, ESPN+]
SE Louisiana Lions at #3 James Madison Dukes (-15, O/U 69.5) [1pm, ESPN+]
Incarnate Word Cardinals at #1 Sam Houston State Bearkats (-13.5, O/U 63.5) [2pm, ESPN+]
Sun Belt: Appalachian State Mountaineers (-3, O/U 53) at #24 Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns [2:30pm, ESPN]
Southern Illinois Salukis at #2 North Dakota State Radiator Repair College and Clown Makeup Application Station Bizon (-14.5, O/U 53) [2:30pm, ESPN+]
SEC: #1 Georgia Bulldogs (-6.5, O/U 49.5) vs. #3 Alabama Crimson Tide [3pm, CBS]
UT Martin Skyhawks at #8 Montana State Bobcats (-13, O/U 46) [3pm, ESPN+]

{MBB} #13 Tennessee at Colorado [1pm, FS1]
{MBB} Yale at #21 Auburn [1pm, ESPNU]
{MBB} Rhode Island at Providence [1pm, CBSSN]
{MBB} Louisville at NC State [1pm, ESPN2]
{MBB} #12 BYU at Missouri State [3pm, CBSSN]
{MBB} Grambling Tigers at #17 UConn [3pm, FS2]
{MBB} Loyola Chicago at DePaul [3pm, FS1]
{MBB} Penn Quakers at Temple Owls [3pm, ESPNU]
{MBB} Toledo Rockets at #22 Michigan State [4pm, BTN]

Watch That

Utah State Aggies at #19 San Diego State Aztecs

2pm | FOX | SDSU -6 | O/U 50
Mountain West Championship Game

#21 Houston Cougars at #4 Cincinnati Bearcats

3pm | ABC | Cincy -10.5 | O/U 53
AAC Championship Game

Prairie View A&M at Jackson State Tigers

3pm | ESPN2 | JKSt -7 | O/U 43.5
SWAC Championship Game

This is very fun to do live and in-person with that same dean:

Go Coogs.


Good afternoon! What’s on the TV?

This poll is closed

  • 5%
    Utah State-San Diego State
    (4 votes)
  • 57%
    (42 votes)
  • 2%
    Prairie View-Jackson State
    (2 votes)
  • 1%
    Sun Belt Championship
    (1 vote)
  • 6%
    FCS Playoffs
    (5 votes)
  • 8%
    College basketball
    (6 votes)
  • 17%
    I dunno, is there any other college football I forgot?
    (13 votes)
73 votes total Vote Now

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Big Ten: #2 Michigan Wolverines (-11, O/U 43.5) vs. #13 Iowa Hawkeyes [7pm, FOX]

{MBB} #16 Alabama vs. #3 Gonzaga [7pm, ESPN2 — at Seattle, WA]
{MBB} #19 Iowa State at Creighton [8pm, FS1]

{MHKY} Minnesota at Michigan [6pm, BTN]

Watch That

#15 Pittsburgh Panthers vs. #16 Wake Forest Demon Deacons

7pm | ABC | Pitt -3 | O/U 71.5 | Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, NC
ACC Championship Game

Regardless of who wins, I’m ready for SMCD:

I just hope everyone has a terrible time and no fun at all.


I recommend one thing, and yet you watch:

This poll is closed

  • 6%
    (7 votes)
  • 82%
    (92 votes)
  • 2%
    Men’s basketball, actually
    (3 votes)
  • 8%
    Hockey! Why not?
    (9 votes)
111 votes total Vote Now

It’s late and I’m drunk...

Don’t Watch This

{MBB} UNLV Rebels at San Francisco Dons [9pm, WCCtv]

Watch That

South Dakota State Jackrabbits at #4 Sacramento State Hornets

8pm | ESPN+ | SDSU -8.5 | O/U 54
FCS Playoffs — Round 2

USC Trojans at California Golden Bears

10pm | FS1 | Cal -4 | O/U 58
COVID Makeup Game

Making all of this even better is that these two teams are 4-7, so there’s no bowl game at the end of the year for either one. And we’re even ADDING BOWL GAMES:

Quick, Off Tackle Empire citizens—pass a hat! We’ll get the Punting Is Winning Bowl, sponsored by PISS (and Culver’s!) yet...


I tear into my ten different South Dakota and western Minnesota beers, enjoying each whilst watching...

This poll is closed

  • 14%
    South Dakota State-Sac State
    (10 votes)
  • 23%
    Meaningless USC-Cal
    (16 votes)
  • 10%
    Some dying embers of college basketball?
    (7 votes)
  • 8%
    ...whatever the bar has on
    (6 votes)
  • 42%
    lol i passed out hours ago
    (29 votes)
68 votes total Vote Now

Here’s your thread for the night’s games and the weekend or whatever. Enjoy the action.