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Chris Doyle is now (UPDATE: no longer) an Urban Meyer Assistant

czg3gotsn8ktz0paeyin.0.jpg"The CSI Companies" are, and I shit you not, "Staffing & Solution Experts" per their website.

[UPDATE: Chris Doyle has chosen, for the second time in less than a year, to resign from a football coaching position rather than face his toxic record with the Iowa Hawkeyes.]

Chris Fucking Doyle

Last we heard from Azog the Defiler impersonator and former Iowa Hawkeyes S&C coach Chris Doyle, he had conducted an internal review of the number of racist bones in his body before deciding to accept a $1.1M settlement from the UI to shut the fuck up and make like a tree. As a clever and handsome commenter pointed out in the OTE piece linked above, roughly one out of every 35 football players to ever don the Black and Gold for Kirk Ferentz accused Chris Doyle of racially disparate treatment against Black players within 72 hours of the now-historic tweet from former Hawkeye center James Daniels, currently a member of the Chicago Bears.

The Jacksonville Jaguars announced Thursday that Chris Doyle is their 2021 Director of Sports Performance with a post that has garnered 951 quote tweets to 90 retweets as of 4:30 pm Central Standard Time today. On Friday, amidst a storm of online disapproval for yet another millionaire racist being allowed to fail upward by our "meritocratic" society, Doyle resigned.

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Many Iowa fans finally fell out of love with Doyle after the widespread allegations of racism from former players. His weightroom was a centerpiece of Iowa's reputation as a "developmental program" that believed in doing things The Right Way while transforming two-star kids and walk-ons into NFL talent. Most Hawkeye fans with even a passing familiarity with the strength and conditioning program were excited about promising young players getting "Doyleized". We decided it was a good flex on Iowa's part to make Doyle the highest-paid strength coach in college football for several years running, even though one of his workouts sent thirteen players to the hospital with rhabodmyolysis in January 2011. Three months after the "rhabdo" incident, Kirk Ferentz announced that Doyle was the winner of Iowa's assistant coach of the year award. Here is a complete list of Iowa's assistant coaches of the year during Ferent'z tenure.

Iowa Hawkeyes Football Assistant Coach of the Year: Kirk Ferentz Era

Year

Winner

Year

Winner

2000

n/a

2011

Chris Doyle

2001

n/a

2012

n/a

2002

n/a

2013

n/a

2003

n/a

2014

n/a

2004

n/a

2015

n/a

2005

n/a

2016

n/a

2006

n/a

2017

n/a

2007

n/a

2018

n/a

2008

n/a

2019

n/a

2009

n/a

2020

n/a

2010

n/a

2021

n/a

Urban Fucking Meyer

Who better to give a second chance to such a fine molder of young men as Chris Doyle than Urban Meyer? As a Hawkeye fan, Doyle's bullshit is my bullshit to some extent, so I felt an obligation to confront all the gory details as above. For Urban, I have little energy beyond the topic sentence. Urban Meyer brought serial domestic assaulter Zach Smith onto the coaching staffs of both the Florida Gators and some Ohio State Buckeyes, which was then spun into a story of Urban Meyer and the Buckeyes OvErCoMiNg aDvErSiTy while teaching his Core Value about Respecting Women.

The fact that none of these jackasses ever seem to get held accountable may explain why many of us seek comfort in dumb brilliant memes about the oft-forgotten events of November 4, 2017 and the intrinsically disappointing nature of eating Papa John's pizza after losing to the Michigan State Spartans.

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Closing Pep Talk

Iowa stinks. Ohio stinks. Your favorite team stinks. The Big Ten stinks. The SEC stinks. College football stinks. Men's college basketball stinks. The NFL stinks. "Tough guy" culture stinks. [NO POLITICS] stinks. [OTHER NO POLITICS] stinks. I stink. You stink. Dr. Pepper stinks. It's too bad the NBA strike didn't happen last summer.

Get Got their asses, Rod Graves of the Fritz Pollard Alliance. In a blistering statement titled "A Failure of Leadership by the Jacksonville Jaguars" Graves wrote:

"At a time when the NFL has failed to solve its problem with racial hiring practices, it is simply unacceptable to welcome Chris Doyle into the ranks of NFL coaches. Doyle's departure from the University of Iowa reflected a tenure riddled with poor judgment and mistreatment of Black players. His conduct should be as disqualifying for the NFL as it was for University of Iowa. Urban Meyer's statement, 'I've known Chris for close to 20 years', reflects the good ol'boy network that is precisely the reason there is such a disparity in employment opportunities for Black coaches."

This is a good first step, Jacksonville. One down, one to go.