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Your Big Ten Transitive Super Bowl Champion Is:

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What to eat, who to watch, and...other things associated with Super Bowl LIV

This is actually pretty rad

It’s the Super Bowl! Unfortunately, it’s one of the worst kinds of Super Bowls: One Tom Brady might win. We here at OTE are not in favor of that for a number of reasons. The second worst thing about this Super Bowl is that it’s not college football. These dudes get paid and can play for way more than 5ish years. Also, hardly anyone who shows up here even semi-regularly has a rooting interest for one of these teams. Thus, the “content” for this article and open thread.

Which former Big Ten players are playing tonight? Which Big Ten program has the most players in the game and is therfore empirically the best team? Which teams are, perhaps suprisingly perhaps not, unrepresented in this game? All that and more—well really just a recipe for a Super Bowl dish to share—below!

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

This is the team you want to lose because former Michigan QB Tom Brady plays here now. Maybe you didn’t know that but now you do and you’re rooting against him/them. Sorry, Michigan fans, but I’m sure you get it.

Active Players

I have no idea which of these players are starters and which are backups. It doesn’t matter, though, because if you’re school’s former player is on the active roster, it counts toward your total and your B1G Transitive Super Bowl Championship. I’m sure Minnesota fans are DYING to root for the team that just drafted two of their most beloved recent grads, but come on. They’re playing a HOME GAME. Tampa Bay is some Miami-at-the-Orange bullllllshit.

Defense

Anthony Nelson - OLB - Iowa Hawkeyes

Lavonte David - ILB - Nebraska Cornhuskers

Khalil Davis - DL - Nebraska Cornhuskers

Ndamukong Suh - DL - Nebraska Cornhuskers

William Gholston - DL - Michigan State Wolverines

Antoine Winfield, Jr - S - Minnesota Golden Gophers

Offense

Tyler Johnson - WR - Minnesota Golden Gophers

Tristan Wirfs - T - Iowa Hawkeyes

Tom Brady - QB - Michigan Wolverines

Chris Godwin - WR - Penn State Nittany Lions

Donovan Smith - T - Penn State Nittany Lions

I had no idea the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers were so integral to the Buccaneers’s D. I hope Winfield is a starter and does something cool, but not so cool that his team wins.

That B1G WR corps seems very fun. It just sucks that every play they make makes Brady look good. We can only hope Wirfs and Smith block for him well but that everyone else blocks for him poorly.

Injured/Reserve Players

Jack Cichy - ILB - Wisconsin Badgers

A.Q. Shipley - C - Penn State Nittany Lions

Look, if you’re on the injured or reserve lists, you get a Super Bowl Ring anyway (I assume). If your guy gets a ring, your school gets to count it.

Practice Squad Players

Drew Stanton - QB - Michigan State Spartans

Matt Wile - P - Michigan Wolverines

Do you get a ring if you’re a practice squad player? It seems like it’d be a nice gesture, but somehow I doubt it. Therefore, these guys do not count toward your team’s B1G Transitive Super Bowl Championship. Sorry ‘bout it.

The Kansas City Chiefs

These guys have one of the most fun players currently on their team. The Chiefs are led by Andy Reid, a guy who still, somehow, seems like he “deserves” to win and have all the good things happen to him. But also they have a rather high number of domestic abusers on their roster and honestly a shockingly poor history with domestic violence and their roster. Anyway, they don’t have Tom Brady, so they get the rooting interests by the narrowest of margins.

Active Players

Offense

Chad Henne - QB - Michigan Wolverines

Most important guy goes up top, right?

Le’Veon Bell - RB - Michigan State Spartans

What....happened to him? Is he having a good year? I have NOT been keeping up even a little.

Nick Allegretti - G - Illinois Fighting Illini

Stefen Wisniewski - G - Penn State Nittany Lions

Defense

Anthony Hitchens - LB - Iowa Hawkeyes

Damien Wilson - LB - Minnesota Golden Gophers

Ben Niemann - LB - Iowa Hawkeyes

Frank Clark - DE - Michigan Wolverines

Mike Daana - DE - Michigan Wolverines

Injured/Reserve Players

Remember: You get a ring, you count!

Taco Charlton - DE - Michigan Wolverines

Patrick Omameh - G - Michigan Wolverines

Intense Statistical Analysis Of The Game

Little heads up, loyal readers of OTE: You’re not going to like what goes here.

The University of Michigan Wolverines have six players on Super Bowl rosters, more than anyone else in the conference. They are the OTE Big Ten Transitive Super Bowl Champions. Sorry but I just report the facts.

There are things to be surprised about or laugh at, though!

  • The Ohio State Buckeyes have zero players in the game. Fourth in College Football, last in the B1G Super Bowl made up game thing.
  • Other schools with no players appearing: Rutgers, Maryland, Purdue, Indiana, Northwestern
  • If your team has been mentioned as not having any players in the game but your team has players playing in the game, consider it an accidental intentional slight against you
  • If we only counted players on active rosters, Iowa and Michigan tie for most players in the game, and Wisconsin joins the list of “no players appearing”
  • Honestly, Chad Henne is in by far the best position of anyone on this list. Backup QB to a guy who will NEVER get benched for you is just the absolute best NFL life. Jim Sorgi got to do it for Peyton Manning. Sign me up
  • If we said the rule was “you only get credit for guys from your school who win the game,” we’d be facing the prospect of Michigan as Transitive Super Bowl Champ with a Kansas City win, while we’d get a Nebraska TSBC if Brady lets his defense hand him another win. There really aren’t great options here.

A recipe for a Super Bowl food

MNWildcat threw in “maybe you have a favorite recipe” as an idea for a SB article. I, no joke, have only ever prepared food for a Super Bowl party once. And I only made one dish: Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese (with bacon)

Step 1: Buy a rotisserie chicken (yeah I’m not making that shit myself) from your local Harris Teeter or Costco or wherever and let it cool on your counter. Shred it with your BARE HANDS until it’s in reasonably-sized pieces. And yeah, just use your hands. It’s important and good for you to feel your food sometimes, especially your meat. Set aside the bones to make super easy and delicious chicken stock with later.

Step 2: Make a bunch of bacon. For best results, I suggest cooking it ona wire rack on a baking sheet. No flippin required, you cook off some of the fat (I know, just trust me), and you get a good crunch very quickly. We’re gonna be chopping this up to add to some mac & cheese, so you’ll want it kinda crispy to facilitate chopping. Then, chop it into, I dunno, small pieces, like half the size of a Cheez-It at most.

Step 3: Make a box of Annie’s Shells and Cheddar, doesn’t really matter whether you go aged white cheddar or the yellow cheddar variety. Salt the water, of course. When making Annie’s, you have the “option” of adding like three tablespoons of butter, in addition to the standard 14 cup of milk. While I obviously always add the butter when making Annie’s, I actually would leave it out of this recipe

Step 4: Add the rotisserie chicken to the mac & cheese. You might find that you have way too much chicken and way too little mac & cheese. If it’s the former, just leave some out mang, it’s not that hard. If it’s the latter, go to Step 3.

Step 5: Just put a bunch of Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Sauce in the pile of chicken and mac & cheese. However buffalo-y and hot you want it, just add that amount. No I don’t have any idea how much you need for different heat levels, I’ve only made this recipe once, and I’ve made regular, non Super Bowl buffalo chicken mac & cheese like five times total and I didn’t write down what I did because I’m not a nerd. When it tastes like the right amount of heat and it’s all stirred together, stop adding and stirring, obviously.

Step 6: Stir in a bunch of the chopped bacon, if you’re into that sort of thing. For a lighter meal you could just do like an upper crust of bacon, or even just a sprinkling that’s barely more extensive than a garnish.

Step 7 (optional): If you’re feeling fancy, chop up the green parts of a green onion and sprinkle those on top for a little color and freshness. Or, dang, dice up an onion, sautee it in a little non-olive oil, salt, and pepper, and add it to the mac & cheese when it’s still crisp. Note: adding onion to the dish makes it technically a “healthy” snack.

That’s it! It is NOT fancy, it is very rich, it is frightningly close to a true Midwestern casserole and/or hotdish, and it is very, very delicious. Leave out the bacon for a very good and much simpler option.

Poll

Who Ya Got

This poll is closed

  • 52%
    Bucs
    (26 votes)
  • 48%
    Chiefs
    (24 votes)
50 votes total Vote Now