Deep breath.

We’ve got our recaps and projected Big Ten Tournament seedings over here, but now it’s time to look forward to that mystical land of March, where we make a spectacle of young men crying on TV as their dreams are shattered and/or come true, one CBS dweeb tweets the same shit over and over, and I, a Northwestern fan, breathlessly refresh “bracketologist” Twitter accounts like it actually matters for me.

This is all so dumb.

Today, however, there’s finally some news beyond me just asking over and over why Michigan is found below the Baylor Bears in most NCAA Tournament projections.

Oh, and at some point we can talk about how—and you’ll never fucking believe this—it turns out Dan Dakich is in fact a racist, misogynist, bullying asshole! We’ll see if this time we’re finally rid of him from our collective public consciousness until he resurfaces at Barstool.

Big Ten Bracketology

• Yes, finally, the Michigan Wolverines did move above Baylor in Jerry Palm’s estimation. If they win the Big Ten Tournament, by my book, they oughta be the number one overall seed. It’s not like Gonzaga Bulldogs will be exhausted from this grueling two-game conference tournament:

• That’s right, Ohio State has finally dropped off the 1-seed line—the Illinois Fighting Illini have once again conquered the Kohl Center, y’all, and that means a sweet, sweet potential date with Gonzaga in the Final Four.
• The win over the Buckeyes has, as well, all but ensured that Iowa Hawkeyes won’t have to see the Zags until the Elite Eight...and maybe not at all, if the Hawks—up to #5 in today’s AP Poll—can pass Ohio State and slide into Baylor’s bracket.
• The only thing reassuring about the some-fucking-how-they’re-good Purdue Boilermakers is that Gonzaga will beat them by seventy-five in the Sweet Sixteen. Go away, Boilerfan69_420. God, these people are insufferable.
• Wisconsin Badgers is somehow still ranked and on a 7-line. Honestly, I hate the thought of them in a region with Houston Cougars or Alabama Crimson Tide as the 2-seed, because...I really hate myself, but I might pick the badgers there.
• I desperately want to watch Rutgers Scarlet Knights try to gum a game against Baylor or Gonzaga. Just let me gawk at the car wreck.
• We talked earlier about how the Maryland Terrapins faithful now get more Mark Turgeon—do we? Is an 11-seed (by USA Today’s estimation) and probably, at best, second-round exit going to keep cutting it in College Park? [I honestly don’t know. I’m asking.]
• I don’t get how 10-loss Michigan State Spartans stayed up in Jerry Palm’s estimation—it’s not like this is some inertial ranking!—but dear gods, they could be in it.
• ...unless they lose at Indiana Hoosiers tonight. Another bubble play-in for the Spartans?

Big Ten Women’s Bracketology

I don’t know enough about the state of the women’s game in the conference—outside of basic things like “Illinois bad”, “Maryland good”, “C. Vivian Stringer legend”—to do much more than compile the few bracketology posts that exist:

Today’s College Basketball Schedule

Big Ten Basketball

Rutgers Scarlet Knights at Nebraska Cornhuskers

6pm | BTN | Rutgers -8 | O/U 140.5

RU in VA: So, this late season game that doesn’t mean anything is a thing now. Rutgers probably doesn’t need it to go dancing buuuuuuut let’s try and avoid Texas in the first round of the Tournament.

*Checks Nebraska’s schedule this year...sees 5 wins... sees two Dakotas, a McNeese, and a... Doane?*.

You bet your ass I spent 15 minutes Googling Doane University.

50k a year for a middling private university in Nebraska? Sign me up.

US News and World Report says it’s “Rural”. Check, check, and check.

Fun facts: Tommie Frazier coached at Doane, and it won the 1950 Bean Bowl against Colorado State.

Doane is the perfect euphemism for Nebraska athletics, fortunately. Too expensive, punches way above its weight only to get knocked out cold, and it’s only success was during the AOL floppy disk days.

Rutgers has the talent and coaching to win by 30, but will they? Of course not—they’ll win by 4 after trailing 75% of the game.

Other Sports on Today

We’ve got the Big South Tournament rolling today, with the Winthrop Eagles the team to beat—they take on Tubby Smith’s High Point at 5pm on ESPN3. Other games of interest:

FIU Panthers at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

12pm | ESPN+ | WKU -16.5 | O/U 147.5

The ‘Toppers are in line for one of the one-seeds in the seeded-by-division C-USA Tournament. FIU is decidedly not. You knew that, looking at the 16-point line.

Dayton Flyers at St. Bonaventure Bonnies

4pm | ESPNU | SBU -7.5 | O/U 131.5

The Bonnies are a kind of half-under-the-radar team in the A-10 this year, have a game lead on the VCU Rams, and should be able to sneak an at-large bid if they don’t win the conference tournament. Dayton’s fallen off the pace without that guy who dunked the ball a lot, but they’re always dangerous.

Big South Championship — Quarterfinals

Hampton Pirates at Radford Highlanders

5pm | ESPN3 | Radford -7.5 | O/U 138

High Point Panthers at Winthrop Eagles

5pm | ESPN3 | Winthrop -12.5 | O/U 143

Gardner-Webb Runnin Bulldogs at Campbell Fighting Camels

6pm | ESPN+ | G-W -1 | O/U 133

I’m a sucker for needless gerunds added to college mascots. Bring back the Screamin’ Eagles!

North Carolina Tar Heels at Syracuse Orange

6pm | ESPN | UNC -1.5 | O/U 151

You don’t hate yourself this much. Watch Rutgers-Nebraska instead.

UA-Pine Bluff Golden Lions at Jackson State Tigers

7:30pm | UAPB | JKSt -8.5 | O/U 128.5

Texas Southern Tigers at Alabama A&M Bulldogs

7:30pm | YouTube | TXSo -7.5 | O/U 141

Grambling Tigers at Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils

7:30pm | YouTube | Grambling -17.5 | O/U 139.5

Prairie View A&M Panthers at Alabama State Hornets

8pm | YouTube | PVAMU -12.5 | O/U 138.5

Not much good in the world of SWACtion tonight—Grambling should take our Delta Devils to the cleaners in Itta Bena, as should PVAMU in Montgomery. And I can’t promise that UAPB link will work. For what it’s worth, Texas Southern-Alabama A&M should be the best game of the bunch and the AAMU YouTube stream is usually pretty good.

#16 Oklahoma Sooners at #17 Oklahoma State Cowboys

8pm | ESPN | OU -1.5 | O/U 142.5

Runnin’ it back after a narrow overtime win for the ‘Pokes this weekend. Should be fun.

Arizona Wildcats at Oregon Ducks

8pm | ESPN2 | Oregon -4.5 | O/U 139.5

/spins Walton Wheel...

Aw :(

Air Force Falcons at Colorado State Rams

9pm | CBSSN | CSU -18 | O/U 133.5

This one will be over by halftime, but it might be something nice to have on as you fall asleep.

Soccer

You can ignore this section and skip to the comments if you haven’t already.

{Bundesliga 2} St. Pauli vs. Hamburger SV [1:30pm, ESPN+]
{EPL} Everton vs. Southampton [2pm, NBCSN]
{La Liga} Real Madrid vs. Real Sociedad [2pm, beIN]
{A-League} Western Sydney Wanderers vs. Melbourne City [2:05am, ESPN+]
{A-League} Perth Glory vs. Central Coast Mariners [4:20am, ESPN+]

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Here’s your thread for random Monday chatter. Behave.