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NCAA Tournament Friday Recaps: We are not laughing at you. We promise.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-North Texas at Purdue Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Well. Well well well.

The Big Ten...uh...has a day

[1] Illinois Fighting Illini 78, [16] Drexel Dragons 49

Thumpasaurus: Lost in all the hullaballoo about the Big Ten’s problems was a quiet 1-16 beatdown by the humble Fighting Illini, who...really took it to a determined but ultimately hapless Drexel squad. I figured Kofi Cockburn against a 16 seed would be an absolute horror show, and the only thing that stopped it from getting worse was some pretty liberal rest for the big man and Illinois clearly trying to get more guys involved in what was essentially a scrimmage. In particular, Ayo Dosunmu got extended playing time after a poor shooting performance in the BTT final and came up with 17 on 14 shots. His shooting hasn’t been the same since the Michigan State game, but he’s still pretty good.

Not much more to say about this.

[15] Oral Bob’s House of Learning 75, [2] Ohio State Buckeyes 72 (OT)

Candystripes: Are we allowed to say the Buckeyes got licked in this one? No? Well, it’s too late now; it’s been said.

MaximumSam: Basketball is an inferior sport.

[9] Wisconsin Badgers 85, [8] North Carolina Tar Heels 62

Kind of...: I wasn’t optimistic about this game, but figured a win was possible if UW shot reasonably well. UW shot quite well. Like (just over) 50% from the field, including (just under) 50% from 3. In retrospect, non-national title contending UNC teams have looked lethargic and disinterested before, but given ol’ Roy’s 29-0 opening round record prior to last night, it was still justifiably surprising to see the Tar Heels get taken apart so thoroughly. Back to Tobacco Road where they can commiserate with Dukies about who actually cared less this year. [Answer: not the team that scheduled a non-conference game with Marquette in the middle of conference play. And lost.]

Baylor is a different beast entirely. Don’t expect Trice and Davison to combine for 50 against that defense (though you should never expect them to combine for 50, and it happened anyway). Playing with house money. All but one team loses all their chips anyway, might as well throw them all on the table this hand and see what happens. [Shit, is that Bo Boroski’s music?]

[13] North Texas Mean Green 78, [4] Purdue Boilermakers 69

BoilerBettor: I knew it. I fucking knew it. When I started hearing this talk about Purdue being a dark horse contender to make the Final Four, we were fucking doomed for an early exit. Give the fellas credit for grinding their way into OT but their youth showed against North Texas pressure defense.

AND CAN SOMEONE STOP THAT DUDE AND THOSE FUCKING FLOATERS?

MaximumSam: I put a curse on Purdue because we had to play in Mackey and Kyle Young got clubbed out of the tourney by Trevion Williams. I will take the blame here.

[10] Rutgers Scarlet Knights 60, [7] Clemson Tigers 56

RU in VA: They did it. The rest of this tournament is house money - and you're telling me Houston's best defensive player that will draw the assignment of Ron Harper is injured?

EVERYTHING'S COMING UP MILHOUSE!

The Rest We Saw

[7] Florida Gators 75, [10] Virginia Tech 70

Thumpasaurus: I caught the closing stages of this one as it seemed more compelling than the lion that was Illinois continuing to chew on chunks of the slain gazelle that was Drexel. Erstwhile Michigan Man Colin Castleton was efficient for the Gators, who I was reminded lost Keyontae Johnson to a bizarre and terrifying on-court collapse at the beginning of the season. Nahiem Alleyne hit a lot of clutch shots down the stretch including the three to tie it at the end of regulation, but empty possessions late in overtime handed this one to Flawda

MaximumSam: The Gators officially have a Florida Mann. How could they lose?

[3] Arkansas Razorbacks 85, [14] Colgate Raiders 68

Kind of...: 30 competitive minutes out of the Red Raiders, but better talent usually wins out. Arkansas is a fun team to watch. Even more fun if you imagine Gopher fans longing for Eric Musselman to jump to Minnesota, knowing that it’s not gonna happen.

[6] Texas Tech Red Raiders 65, [11] Utah State Aggies 53

Thumpasaurus: Texas Tech has quickly become an Always Take The Under stalwart.

[1] Baylor Bears 79, [16] Hartford Hawks 55

Thumpasaurus: For a few minutes there, it looked like Hartford was going to at least dictate the pace of the game. Then Baylor happened.

[8] Loyola-Chicago Ramblers 71, [9] Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets 60

Thumpasaurus: No Moses Wright, many problems. Loyola gained control late in the first half and only briefly relinquished it with 13 minutes left. Loyola got virtually nothing from their bench and had two players with 36+ minutes played, but this was enough to keep the incomplete Yellow Jackets at arm’s length for most of the second half. This is not a deep enough team to deal with what should be a pretty fresh Illini frontcourt.

[12] Oregon State Beavers 70, [5] Tennessee Volunteers 56

Thumpasaurus: Woof, down goes the fourth place SEC team to a team that went .500 in the PAC-12. Another one that all three of us on the Blocking Chargecast called very wrongly.

[4] Oklahoma State Cowboys 69, [13] Liberty Biberty 60

[2] Houston Cougars 87, [15] Cleveland State Vikings 56

[11] Syracuse Orange def. [6] San Diego State Aztecs 78-62

Thumpasaurus: Here we go again. Syracuse was just constitutionally incapable of missing threes, and SDSU couldn’t keep up. Buddy Boeheim, who is not my buddy, friend, had 30 points and Syracuse is now 8-2 as a double digit seed.

[5] Villanova Wildcats 73, [12] Winthrop Eagles 63
[3] West Virginia Mountaineers 84, [14] Morehead State Eagles 67*

*Remember the West Coast baseball games in the newspaper, when you’d wake up and find that the Pioneer Press needed to get the paper out and wasn’t going to wait for that dumbass Mariners-Athletics game to end? That’s what’s would have happened here, unless someone else (hi, it me, someone else - Candystripes) edits it while I’m not here.