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Iowa Mailbag


Iowa v Purdue Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Because it’s a Monday Tuesday now and there’s nothing else to do—I’m not talking about the CBB national championship—I decided to revive continue this terrible idea:

Unpublished Drafts from the Crypt

Today we’ve got what appears to be a Mailbag that Creighton was the only one to answer on June 22, 2017, during an Iowa Week in which I assume they were coming off, oh, let’s call it a disappointing 8-4 season.

Did they Hawkeyes live up to his lofty expectations? FIND OUT:

How many times will Iowa punt from inside the opponent's 40? -br27

Creighton M: How many times is the offense going to lumber its way inside the 40? Time is a flat circle.

How many lake houses will Kirk buy during the Minnesota and Wisconsin games, respectively? -waw

Creighton M: I think at this point we can probably start talking oceanfront, but let’s say Florida during the Minny game, California during Wisconsin and at halftime against Purdue he’ll put down his deposits on the new infinity pools.

Why can’t Iowa fans find a tougher word to spell?

Now that Iowa has found a graduate transfer punter, what is the next special teams graduate transfer you believe Kirk is eyeing up?

How has the Iowa defense changed since Norm, for those of us non-Iowa fans who haven’t been paying explicit attention? [Slipped a real one in there!]

Be honest: Are you starting to get used to only beating Northwestern 50% of the time?

Be honest: Are you starting to get used to only beating Iowa State 50% of the time? -MNWildcat

Creighton M: In order: We don’t actually spell I-O-W-A, they just wave flags and we repeat what they say. You can never have too many punters. Phil is a little more aggressive than Norm but is fundamentally quite similar. There’s no shame in losing to Fitz (just annoyance). Fuck you and congrats on being exactly as good as Iowa State.

After which game this year will Kirk get an extension and what is the O/U on the game after? -JayMPSU and HoustonBoiler

Creighton M: He’ll beat Wisconsin by 40, get a few years thrown on the back end of his contract, then Purdue Harbor. Give me O/U 17 and Iowa (+3)

How did you finally slake AIRBHG's anger and vengeance? -GTom

LPW: Simple: get the deity drunk and convince him to go after Iowa State’s hapless RBs. No one cares about that school anyway.

Creighton M: Greg Davis was doing a great job of taking Iowa’s most dangerous players out of the game by himself, so why would AIRBHG waste the effort?

Did Ronnie Harmon ever complete his course on water colors? I bet he didn’t. -WhiteSpeedReceiver

Creighton M: Joke is on you. Not only did he complete it, but he got a D.

Who will KF end the bowl drought against...And why is it Saban? -ChiHawki

Creighton M: It’s going to be Brian Kelly, so you should all start making deals with the devil now if you want that meteor to come.