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Say it with me: “We earn. Your hate.”

Nittany Lion? More like Paper Tiger.


Penn State is the absolute fucking worst. You know the saying about someone being born on third, but thinking they hit a triple? That’s PSU football.

If you run some fancy analytics, Pennsylvania isn’t the top HS state for football at this point. But is there any talent-rich state that one school should have more to itself than PA? I know you want to say Ohio, but tell me about Cincinnati vis-a-via Pitt right now (to say nothing of OSU vis-a-vis PSU). Say what you will about the Buckeyes (and I will have plenty to say later), but at least, you know, they accomplish some things. Penn State is just a trust fund kid fronting a shitty jam band unduly proud of being able to pay his own rent.

Lightning struck on October 22, 2016 in the form of a blocked field goal. Six weeks later, they won the B1G championship. Outside of that glorious fever dream—made possible by barely avoiding a home dicktrip against Minnesota earlier in the year and a very questionable spot going against Michigan in Columbus—James Franklin’s best win at PSU is...ummmm...beating the Pac 12 North runner-up?

Quick quiz:

Match the coach with their B1G winning %, 2015-present:

(1) 67.92

(2) 68.00

(3) 74.00

A. Paul Chryst

B. James Franklin

C. Jim Harbaugh

Why are Michigan fans ready to run Jim Harbaugh out of town on a rail, while PSU fans are ready to dismiss last year as an anomaly, merrily going on their way?

Beats me.

Did you know that since the 2016 B1G title game, PSU is 0-6 vs. Top 10 teams? [And it would’ve been 0-7 if the pollsters had properly rated 2019 Minnesota. (I can’t believe I just typed that...)]

I know, I know, it’s hard to beat a top 10 team. Maybe we should be proud of PSU for having two-score leads in the 4th quarter of three of those games.

If the game were 45 minutes long...

Quick quiz #2:

Match the description with the correct winning percentage below:

(1) James Franklin’s winning % as PSU coach, first season removed

(2) James Franklin’s winning % as Vanderbilt coach, first season removed

(3) Bo Pelini’s winning % as Nebraska head coach

(4) Bo Pelini’s winning % as Nebraska head coach, B1G seasons only (2011-2014)

A. 69.2

B. 70.7

C. 71.2

D. 71.3

Is “about as good as Bo Pelini” really what you’re going for, PSU?

Honestly, PSU typically gets off pretty easy. We all just lay into Nebraska for living in the past, but PSU’s last national title was ‘86, which is halfway to the days of General Neyland captaining Tennessee. Yeah, you’re more relevant than Nebraska now, but you’re still living off the past. In some ways, these two programs are connected. PSU thinks they should’ve had a share in ‘94 and Nebby won’t shut up about a bad call in ‘82 that let PSU grab a trophy.

Expansion fever is ready to sweep the CFP landscape again, a three decade process that PSU is as responsible as anybody for kicking off. THAT was Penn State’s biggest victory of the last 30 years.

Pretty easy call, really, given that the last time PSU beat a top 10 team in a bowl game was their first season in the B1G.

Is it too late to call Notre Dame?