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Is Rutgers better than Ohio State going into Week 3? A forensic analysis.

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Like your favorite early 2000’s crime procedural drama, we’re gonna make stuff up - starring Ice-T

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: SEP 11 Rutgers at Syracuse Photo by Gregory Fisher/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Just providing the clickbait, ma’am.

So, uhh... week two is officially over in the CFB season. It’s been quite a bumpy ride so far, with Florida State crapping the bed and the Texas Longhorns reverting from Power Rangers Megazord back into one of the stupid Triceratops leg-thingies.

There is a real unique stat that jumps out at you when you’re looking at overall wins and losses on the B1G leaderboard. Over in the East Division, ol’ Rutgers has downed their two ACC/AAC opponents, while Ohio State took a well-deserved L this weekend to a PAC-12 (are we completely sure that the PAC-12 is still a conference this year?) team.

Points for? Rutgers. Points against? Rutgers. Home Wins? Rutgers. Turnovers? Rutgers.

I present the hard evidence.

Cool Names:

Ohio State isn’t really lost in this regard. They’ve got some bangers. You’ll notice I’m a big fan of the hyphenated last name - love it when kids do it big for their maiden name. On the Buckeyes side we’ve got:

  • Master Teague - Kid’s got brilliant parents. It’s a one seed.
  • Nicholas Petit-Frere - A hyphenated last name with French roots? Sign me up.
  • Paleie Gaoteote - 0% of Americans will get this right. AND! He’s a fresh transfer from USC!

I’m not sure you’re completely ready for this Rutgers’ list:

  • Valentino Ambrosio - He’s got three uncles, one in the sanitation union, one that owns a seafood restaurant by the Shore off Route 9, and one that’s a cop in Bayonne.
  • Olakunle Fatukasi - I love hearing announcers attempt this one.
  • Zukudo Igwenagu - Again, same as above, except he doesn’t see the field much so I don’t get to hear Brent MushmouthMusburger even attempt it.

Winner: Rutgers

Which university was founded first?

Winner: Rutgers

Rutgers University In 1844 Photo by GraphicaArtis/Getty Images

This painting was drawn 20 years before Ohio State was even given the land to start building!

Which university hasn’t lost a CFB Championship game in the last 10 years?

Winner: Rutgers

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: JAN 11 CFP National Championship - Alabama v Ohio State Photo by David Rosenblum/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Which university has no five star recruits in the class of 2022?

Winner: Rutgers

U.S. Marines Speak With Rutgers University Undergrads During A Recruitment Drive Photo by Robert Nickelsberg/Getty Images

Oh crap, wrong kind of recruiting. Semper Fi, nerds!

Decide for yourself:

That Buckeye’s defense looks quite leaky

Poll

Why is Rutgers better than Ohio State after Week 2 of the CFB Season?

This poll is closed

  • 47%
    Their spectacular punting game
    (302 votes)
  • 8%
    The lock-down 4-3 defense
    (56 votes)
  • 29%
    The ageless wonder that is Gregory Schiano
    (190 votes)
  • 14%
    The embarrassment of riches of their recruiting bag men
    (94 votes)
642 votes total Vote Now