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An OTE Original Report: Wieners Have Invaded Cincinnati

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The Running of the Wieners is back in all its glory.

The goodest boy.

Do you guys remember the Heinz commercial from 2016? The one with the wiener dogs dress as hot dogs? This one...

Well friends, this commercial literally comes to life every fall (except the year that shall not be named) in Cincinnati. In Cincinnati, Oktoberfest Zinzinnati has arrived in all its glory. Funny hats. Funny shoes. Adorable dachshunds dressed as hot dogs running 75 feet down a street in a race sponsored by a beer company named after a founding father. Lots of beer.

Part of this celebration is the annual “Running of the Wieners.” For about 45 minutes, little dachsunds are dressed as hot dogs, put into a starting gate constructed of 12 racks of beer, and allowed to run freely towards the end of the track. Some never leave the gate. Others stop halfway for a piss. A few goodest boys take off and make it to the end.

I, fellow OTE readers, was able to attend my second Running of the Wieners this past Thursday (9/16) and have brought you an exclusive report complete with video. Over the 34 hour time, there were around 100 doggies that ran in this race. There were 9 preliminary heats on the day. The winner of each heat advanced to the finals, where one winner was crowed.

The mics kind of sucked and the MC was...not great at anything other that weather reports...so here’s the results I was able to gather.

Heat Winners

1) Franky

2) Taz

3) Brutus

4) Gus

5) Carly

6) Maple

7) Leo

8) Gracie

9) Parker (I seriously have no idea if that name is correct. The I could not understand whoever was announcing the winners)

In the final heat, Franky was able to take 3rd place, Maple took 2nd, and Leo, the goodest boy of all, took home gold. All three medalist took home gift cards to PETSMART, with the winner taking home a trophy named after some stupid USA Today app that launched. Let’s hear it for the goodest boys!

The Videos

Heats 1 and 2

Heats 3 and 4

Heats 5 and 6

Heats 7 and 8

Heat 9 and the Finals

Ignore my shitty use of Twitter. I don’t use it much. Have a great Saturday everyone!