Weekly Mailbag 10.21.22

Good morning. It's a beautiful Saturday morning in the Twin Cities, I'm holding a screaming infant, and WSR is nowhere to be found. Said he was going for cigarettes and milk, and now all I have is a faint whiff of burnt hair cologne lingering in the air.

Which coach (FROM ANY SPORT) would be the biggest loss for your school? - WSR

misdreavus79: Well, coming off a loss like the one Penn State just had, it doesn’t seem like anyone would be that big a loss, right? (WSR note: I think you’re supposed to say Cael here.)

RockyMtnBlue: Carol Hutchins and it’s not close. I think you can argue she’s the greatest coach in Michigan sports history. What’s that? She just retired? Shit.

Oh, was this supposed to be a football assistant coach? Well my answer to that one may surprise you: Jay Harbaugh. Jay is the anti-Brian Ferentz. He’s the best recruiter on the staff, he might be the best special teams coach in college football, and whatever position he has (TEs these days) is always above average. He’s a huge asset even people who don’t like Jim will be sad the day Jay leaves us.

Buffkomodo: Mike Woodson or Teri Moren.

HWAHSQB: Mike Small is arguably the most dominant coach in the B1G currently having won 12 of the last 13 conference championships and nationally, he’s taken Illinois to the Final Four 5 times.

MaximumSam: Jim Knowles has been around for about eight seconds, but he seems to have stabilized the defense, which has been up and down for years.

WSR: I would say Hugh McCutcheon, BUT WELP. Now I don’t know what the answer is? It feels too early to say Bob Motzko, but it really is either him of Fleck I think at this point in time.

Creighton: I think there’s a good argument for either baseball coach Rick Heller or women’s basketball coach Lisa Bluder. In Heller’s case, he’s raised the ceiling on the baseball program to a level I don’t think it’s ever been in my lifetime, and it’s so hard to succeed in B1G baseball that I don’t see how they can keep it going once he leaves.

On the other hand, Lisa Bluder is the women’s basketball program at Iowa. She’s been here almost as long as Kirk Ferentz (and she’s still winning conference championships), and it’s impossible to imagine what things will look like when she’s gone.

MNW: Kelly Amonte-Hiller for women’s lacrosse or the Drohan sisters for softball. Or Tracy Fuchs for field hockey. Goddamn, we are really fortunate right now at Northwestern.

BoilerUp89: It’s one of Shondell, Painter, and Brohm. I think I’d pick Shondell who is arguably the best of the group and probably the most difficult to replace. Not that Painter or Brohm would be easy to replace but if we had to, I’d suspect Shrewsberry would come back to his home state and he feels like a good, solid coach. And I’ve accepted that Brohm will leave at some point anyway so I feel like contingency plans are sitting in a folder in the AD’s office.

If there was one thing (excluding the coaching staff) that you could change about your team mid-season, what would it be? - vaudvillain

misdreavus79: The thing they’ve been trying to change for the past five or so seasons —a competent dominant offensive line.

RockyMtnBlue: Linebacker play. This is a good, maybe even really good, but certainly not great team. It has holes that can be exploited. But the linebackers, man. We need a scheme that has all of them blitzing on every single down. They can be pretty good when they don’t have to think.

Buffkomodo: The offensive line. It’s been pretty offensive.

HWAHSQB: Not a gawdamn thing. (ok, maybe the red zone offense could be better)

MaximumSam: After so many big time corners coming through Columbus, it would be nice to have one now.

WSR: Receiver play. Ye Gods it is ungood.

Creighton: ONE thing? I guess I’d like an offensive line that’s not one of the worst in the country.

MNW: Linebacking—because, unlike at Michigan, linebacking is actually a problem for Northwestern right now.

One of the things that kept Northwestern in games back when Clayton Thorson was learning the ropes and the ‘Cats were just kind of half-assing things on offense under Mick McCall was just how good Anthony Walker Jr. and Nate Hall and Paddy Fisher and whoever else were at reading plays and avoiding getting caught in bad situations.

Now? Holy shit. One rusher gets to the edge and it’s ballgame.

BoilerUp89: I’d add a lockdown corner. Or adjust defensive game plans for the opponent.

How much of a sicko am I for liking candy corn and candy pumpkins, and what sicko fanbase SHOULD I be in for this, if it’s not MSU? - IWasSayingBoo-Urns

misdreavus79: I’ve been told that liking whoppers is apparently a bad thing? So I guess I’m right there with you.

RockyMtnBlue: You’re not a sicko. You just have no taste. So really Michigan State seems perfect.

Buffkomodo: <Insert Parks and Rec Right to Jail Meme here>

HWAHSQB: Well candy corn is mostly orange, but jump on the bandwagon soon cause it is getting crowded up in here.

MaximumSam: Candy corn and candy pumpkins are awesome. Never forget there are people out there eating Twizzlers and acting like that is a treat.

WSR: Like what you like. Just know that there’s more out there for you because I’m not going to be eating any of it.

Creighton: You’re not a sicko. I think those candies are absolutely delicious, so that would mean that an Iowa fan would be a massive sicko too and- oh.

MNW: You’re fine where you are. You’re a goddamn monster.

Are the ILini and/or Maryland for real (likely to get 3 consecutive 7+ win seasons starting this year)? - ProveIt

misdreavus79: Probably as Michigan State was after going 11-2 last season.

RockyMtnBlue: I know this is everyone’s answer, but I think Illinois may well be. Nothing they’re doing feels unsustainable. Maryland is chancier. I don’t have a clear bead on how important Taulia is to them, or the likelihood they can find another one after him. Maybe 3 future NFL Draft WRs and a really good college QB will be the norm for them going forward. Or maybe it’s not important that they have that stuff now. Neither of those really seem likely.

Buffkomodo: Illinois seems like they’re it. Bert is a good coach.

HWAHSQB: Illinois gets one more year playing the west so that helps. I’m somewhat concerned that most of the players leading this team to success this year are Lovie recruits and Bielema hasn’t recruited all that well so far. Still, even if Locks recruits better, I don’t think he can consistently coach a well rounded team and I’m mainly basing that off the taint of being mentored by Ron Zook. I’m also a fan of Bert’s ability to hire qualified assistants (after using his mulligan on Tony Petersen)

MaximumSam: Illinois runs the ball and plays defense - they are for real. Maryland I am still shaky on.

WSR: I feel like we should have learned our lesson about betting against Bert by now, right? I still need to see more constancy from Maryland before I feel confident in them over the long run. But Bert’s gonna keep collecting wins like they’re phone numbers from coeds in a madison bar.

MNW: Illini: Yes. Maryland: No.

Creighton: Illinois (plays in the west) absolutely. Maryland (plays in the east, has Locksley as a coach) definitely not.

BoilerUp89: Ask me again when the schedules for 2023 and 2024 come out. Also does Walters stay at Illinois and how much of the defensive success is due to him?

assume you have hard gas at the office... what is your go to move? - glassjawed

misdreavus79: I fart. That’s what we’re talking about, right?

RockyMtnBlue: I walk to my boss’s office and let ‘er rip. Preferably in front of him. Then I blame it on a co-worker named Jeff.

Buffkomodo: Being a 20-something year old in the office, I just act surprised and ask if anyone heard that duck. Or blame it on a creaky floorboard. Gets a laugh or chuckle out of pity 60% of the time. I have the data. I know the facts.

HWAHSQB: I fart when I want where I want. White male privilege has its uses.

MaximumSam: I have my own office. So I just close the door and let God hear the music. Hot boxing for professionals.

WSR: I’m upper management. I just crack em off and no-sell while carrying on with whatever I’m doing or saying. HWAHSQB nailed it perfectly: being a tall white male is playing life on easy mode.

MNW: I make my own office a smelly, smelly coffin. The little assholes never come to office hours, anyway.

Creighton: When I still worked in the office, my go-to move was to raise my standing desk so I could try to work it out from a standing position with minimal noise. Now that I work from home I just let them rip without shame.

Kid is finally asleep. Meanwhile, we've got a tip about a maroon-clad sasquatch lumbering through the Nittany Valley. Fire a Grain Belt at him on sight.