I don’t want to, I don’t have to, and you can’t make me.

The Picks

(all times CT)

Saturday, Nov 5

(2) Ohio State Buckeyes @ Northwestern Wildcats

11:00am | ABC | Ohio State -38.5 | O/U 61.5

Straight-Up: Do you need to ask?
Against the Spread: Ohio State 10-3

MaximumSam: OSU just trying to avoid injuries. OSU 50, Northwestern 17

BoilerUp89: Why is this murder on television?

RockyMtnBlue: That is a huge line for a conference game. Especially considering the favorites are on the road. Ohio State will decide how badly they want to mangle the cats. The Buckeyes CAN win this game by 60. I’m guessing they take it easy a bit and get some rest for most of the starters. Ohio State 45, Northwestern 10

WSR: I think I saw this Faces of Death movie when I was 15.

Buffkomodo: Ohio State and over. Next.

Thumpasaurus: I don’t know how there’s a configuration of Ohio State capable of taking its foot off the gas to a great enough extent to avoid crushing Northwestern by an inconceivable margin. I don’t know how they’d do it. The walk-ons are probably starters at most Big Ten West programs.

misdreavus79: Life is meaningless. Ohio State 77, Northwestern 10

MNW: They can choose their score. There’s no point.

But, more frustratingly than the fact I’ll have to watch Northwestern’s linebackers miss gaps and tackles all day, I’ll have to watch Northwestern’s offense fail to move the ball against a Buckeyes defense that can best be described as “present”.

I mean, I won’t have to watch it, because I’ll say “fuck it” and do something more productive with my life, but. Buckeyes, 52-7.

Minnesota Golden Gophers @ Nebraska Cornhuskers

11:00am | ESPN2 | Minnesota -15 | O/U 46.5

Straight-Up: Minnesota 12-1
Against the Spread: Nebraska 10-3

MaximumSam: I don’t know what to expect out of either of these teams, other than Minny can run the ball, Nebraska can’t stop the run, and so the big question will be the margin of victory. I say Minny struggle to put touchdowns on the board, so: Minnesota 24, Nebraska 7.

BoilerUp89: I’ll take Minnesota to cover as I think I heard Nebraska’s QB got hurt last weekend? I dunno, I’ve pretty much fully moved into basketball season mode.

RockyMtnBlue: Last I saw Thompson is day-to-day. If he plays I think this is a fairly even game. I’ll guess he plays, but it’s not enough for the win. Minnesota 28, Nebraska 24

WSR: Nebraska is the program that their fans think Minnesota is. Soft trash. Minnesota smothered the shit out of Rutgers last week, and the Cornhuskers are just Rutgers with fans but without a TV market. Throw in the fact that Peej really hates those assholes, and this one will be fine for the Gophers.

Thumpasaurus: Nebraska did successfully frustrate Minnesota But With A Good Quarterback And A Better Defense last week. Much depends on Casey Thompson’s status; his elusiveness makes him such a big play threat as long as he’s making good decisions, which has been a big problem. There’s a path to a Nebraska cover here, and it involves exploiting the youthful inexperience of Morgan as compared to the crafty veteran Tommy DeVito. Nebraska also has a much older starting quarterback than Morgan, so give me the experienced guy.

...to cover

Buffkomodo: I like Minnesota to win but Nebraska to cover because I don’t think Nebby is desolate and I think Minnesota May trip up early.

misdreavus79: There really is no point. Minnesota 31, Nebraska 20

MNW: Run Mo, run Mo, run Mo. Nebraska isn’t going to stop you, and unless Casey Thompson’s healthy, I don’t know that the Cornhuskers actually hold the ball for long enough to reach double-digits.

Peej and the Gophers offense basically took downfield passing out of their attack against Rutgers. The Gophers, resigned to playing keep-away in 2022, are going to try and sit on the ball for 40+ minutes and win this. Let’s say they do, something like 28-10.

Iowa Hawkeyes @ Purdue Boilermakers

11:00am | FS1 | Purdue -4.5 | 43

Straight-Up: Purdue 10-3
Against the Spread: Purdue 10-3

MaximumSam: I can’t in good conscious pick Iowa against any team with a pulse. Purdue has said pulse. Purdue 20, Iowa 7.

BoilerUp89: Purdue should handle Iowa much like they have in the past few years. Let me just check the weather forecast for Saturday... 80% chance of rain and wind gusts in the 20-25 mph range. Iowa to win

HWAHSQB: Purdue is a random number generator. I think they turn it over for scores and lose and then knock off a top 10 Illinois next week.

RockyMtnBlue: Purdue is the clearly better team and is playing at home. But in the west, bet on the stupid thing to happen. Iowa 17, Purdue 14

WSR: I’m going to a high school football game tonight that’ll feature two offenses better than Iowa. And Purdue has a couple guys that’ll want to prove a point against the Hawkeyes.

Thumpasaurus: Nope. Not this time. Purdue loses to Wisconsin and Purdue beats Iowa. So it goes. Charlie Jones has slowed down in recent weeks but it’s hard to imagine he has no hard feelings about his time at Iowa. Jeff Brohm will be all too happy to channel his frustration. Showdown for the West in Champaign next week.

Buffkomodo: Look, I think Purdue should win this game. It’s a game Purdue historically loses though and it’d be great if they did again.

misdreavus79: No matter how hard you try. Purdue 24, Iowa 3

MNW: I’m with Thump on this one. Seeing how Purdue tries to get the ball in Jones’s hands and really make a point will be fun.

Oh, and Brian Ferentz is still Iowa’s offensive coordinator. Purdue, 24-10.

Maryland Terrapins @ Wisconsin Badgers

11:00am | BTN | Wisconsin -5.5 | O/U 53

Straight-Up: Maryland 8-5
Against the Spread: Maryland 8-5

MaximumSam: I look up and see Wisconsin is favored? Huh. Of course, I said the same thing when they were favored by Purdue and look where that got me. While part of me says go with the bookies, and I can’t just ignore the fact that Wisconsin lost to Michigan State. Maryland 31, Wisconsin 25

BoilerUp89: Maryland gets the big win coming off a much needed bye week.

RockyMtnBlue: The Maryland program has taken some steps this year, but they’re not ready for Camp Randall yet. Not even against this Wisconsin team. Wisconsin 35, Maryland 27.

WSR: Locksley’s not a great coach, but fuck wisconsin. TURTLE POWER!

Thumpasaurus: If you take Purdue and give them a more consistent and varied run game, then take the name off the uniform so they don’t automatically lose to Wisconsin, I think you have a team that can beat the Badgers. Therefore, Maryland wins.

misdreavus79: So just stop trying. Maryland 27, Wisconsin 20

MNW: Maryland allowed what, 24 points to Northwestern? And you think they’re going to stop wisconsin?

See what the badgers did to the trains. That’s gonna happen again, 34-17.

Michigan State Spartans @ (14) Illinois Fighting Illini

2:30pm | BTN | Illinois -16.5 | O/U 43

Straight-Up: Illinois 12-1
Against the Spread: Michigan State 8-5

MaximumSam: Who knows what kind shape Sparty is in this week. While you could see them having some sort of emotional resurgence in the wake of last week, Illinois has turned into a team that just sort of grinds down every emotion you want to have. Illinois 28, MSU 7

BoilerUp89: Illini win but don’t cover. I know MSU is going thru some stuff right now, but I think they rally around the flag this week to keep it close.

HWAHSQB: Will MSU band together or fold due to adversity? It’s going to be crappy weather which will cover up for some of MSU’s secondary issues. Illinois will run the damn ball enough to wear down a thin MSU D and win by 10 or so.

RockyMtnBlue: Michigan State is playing without most of their defensive ends. You would think Illinois wins this game in a blowout. But we’ve all learned over the years that a disrespected Sparty is a dangerous Sparty. Illinois 20, Michigan State 17.

WSR: Why is this game a thing? Good grief, this is gonna be a bloodbath.

Thumpasaurus: I keep going back and looking at what the Minnesota passing game did to Michigan State’s starting secondary. Now imagine Tanner Morgan had a couple receivers to throw to, an offensive coordinator that’s been good at scheming them open, Jersey swagger and a full head of hair.

After the Indiana debacle, Illinois’ defense has never been content to just dare a quarterback to beat their pass coverage; they get after the passer relentlessly. The only path to an Illinois loss is a really sloppy game. MSU’s punting game may keep the Illini at bay and they certainly have a lot of big play potential with their receiving corps. Let’s put it this way; a victory here would go a long way to shore up confidence in Mel Tucker given the situation with the defensive starters. If that shit happens, pass me some of that Spartan Swill y’all talk about on social media, I’ll down as much as I can get my hands on.

Buffkomodo: Illinois helps usher Sparty closer to the brink of out of bowl contention here.

misdreavus79: Seriously, what is even the point? Illinois 24, Michigan State 17

MNW: Y’know, I chose this game without remembering what a tire fire Michigan State is, post-assault-and-battery.

Let’s still say the ol’ East Lansing Weather Machine, exported to Champaign, keeps this one closer than it should be. Illinois, 17-7.

(16) Penn State Nittany Lions @ Indiana Hoosiers

2:30pm | ABC | Penn State -14 | O/U 53.5

Straight-Up: Penn State 13-0
Against the Spread: Penn State 12-1

MaximumSam: Kind of feels like Penn State is due for a clunker after playing pretty inspired the past couple games. A rainy day slog against Tom Allen is in the cards. Penn State 24, Indiana 20.

BoilerUp89: Indiana is going to need the weather to help them have a chance to keep this one close. The weather might happen, but I’m not predicting that IU takes advantage of it.

RockyMtnBlue: Indiana is having one of those what-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong kinda seasons. The Nits, on the other hand, have fairly clearly identified themselves as a good, but not exceptional team that’s going to finish 3rd in the East. (not that a Michigan fan like me would know anything about that). Penn State 31, Indiana 14

WSR: Indiana is really bad. They’re so bad that they lost to Nebraska. PSU is gonna get right again.

Thumpasaurus: Looking back fondly on when this was a fun matchup for a brief moment in time. No, I salute the Hoosiers for ensuring that a 12-1 Illinois will get left out of the College Football Playoff. They know that we, as an Original Big Ten Team, would rather play a True Rose Bowl Game.

Do your thing, 3Windiana. Please be better next year, those videos are a bitch to put together.

MNW: I don’t remember picking this game and don’t know, at this point, a single thing about Indiana. It’s one of my weird blind spots, like having no clue who plays basketball for Ohio State at this point. I genuinely don’t know. Penn State, 41-7.

Buffkomodo: Take Penn State, the over, and read my stuff.

misdreavus79: All this exerted effort is wasted. Penn State 55, Indiana 7

(4) Michigan Wolverines @ Rutgers Scarlet Knights

6:30pm | BTN | Michigan -26 | O/U 45.5

Straight-Up: Michigan 13-0
Against the Spread: Michigan 7-6

MaximumSam: Rutgers will give it a go on defense, but they have no offense whatsoever. They were at Iowa levels of offense against Minnesota, and may look worse this week. Michigan 36, Rutgers 3

BoilerUp89: I don’t think Michigan is the type of team that wants to run up the score on their competition. They want long, clock bleeding drives and a suffocating defense. If they get up three scores, they are probably content to kill the clock.

RockyMtnBlue: There was a time when Rutgers was a get-well game for Michigan that made Michigan fans feel good. The last two seasons were not that. At all. Michigan wins, but it’ll be an ugly slog making people wonder if Michigan could finish higher than 4th in the West. Michigan 19, Rutgers 10

WSR: Everybody knows that Minnesota beat Rutgers by 31, right?

Thumpasaurus: If Michigan is going to fall asleep in the last four weeks, this will be the game in which they do it and win by a mere 24 points.

misdreavus79: So go on, let go and live a free life. Michigan 33, Rutgers 13

MNW: Michigan sits on Rutgers, 28-0. Greg Schiano is finally fired. CHOPv2.0 is dead, long live CHOPv2.0.