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Fall’s Tarts Week 10: College Football Needs A Little Push

The dumbest things that happened in our favorite sport this week!

NCAA Football: Michigan State at Illinois
several things did not go according to plan
Ron Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Help, I’m losing control over my hours of the day even more so than usual!

Don’t Drop That Thun Thun

Anyone remember that song?

Well, it certainly seems that Minnesota head coach PJ Fleck does. Specifically, the lines “if you drop it? just pick it up!”

Yep, this here is PJ Fleck dropping his gum out of his mouth on the sideline, then picking it up and continuing to chew it.

Still good!


Missouri made the curious decision to extend the contract of head coach Eli Drinkwitz recently. He made his freshly extended debut against a fallen-but-still-dangerous Kentucky this past weekend. With 2:25 to play, his Tigers were set to get the ball back down 21-17.

Even better, Kentucky snapped to punt and the ball went over the head of the punter! However, this was no Weber State situation. Colin Goodfellow made a jolly good play to pick up the ball, turn around and punt it. This was still a good 30-40 yards behind the line of scrimmage, so it was still pretty bad for Kentucky.


Mizzou’s pursuing guys never anticipated that a punt would happen and dove full speed into Goodfellow as he kicked it.

Doesn’t matter if he’s 40 yards in the backfield, it’s still roughing!

This would basically decide the game.

Mixed Signals

Illinois stumbled through the second quarter of their march towards the Big Ten West crown against Michigan State, but made it to halftime trailing by a 2-point margin.

Time to get focused and regroup.


That return man gets turned around by the ball, then makes what he thinks is a fair catch signal before stepping out. It’s not captured on this video but the official later confirms that this was an invalid fair catch signal, which is a brand new kind of special teams debacle to me.

Butt Punt

You know what’s not a new kind of special teams debacle to me?

Illini punter Hugh Robertson has been no stranger to my shitlist this year. The wind was high, sure, but Bryce Baringer was also playing in this wind and he didn’t buttpunt. It traveled farther before it hit the butt as compared to the beautiful NFL buttpunt by the Dolphins, and it doesn’t hit in as satisfying a spot, but a buttpunt is a buttpunt.

Spartans coach Mel Tucker’s defense bailed him out of the week’s most absurd Tart for those of you keeping score. Up 8 and driving deep into Illini territory with the ball and under two minutes to go, MSU called a pass on third down that fell incomplete, preserving about a minute and 15 seconds with the Illini out of timeouts. Inevitably, the field goal missed and Illinois had one more chance to tie the game. They were unable to cash in from the MSU 27, but Michigan State was having 2015 Mike Riley hours in Champaign.

Road Environment

Chicago’s Big Ten Team had to venture well outside the confines of the city for Saturday’s game, and the visitors were not welcomed kindly by the crowd. The overwhelming noise from Ohio State fans caused this false start:

It’s always a road game yo.

Let’s Both Agree This Broadcast Sucks

The one thing that could unite fans of Baylor and Oklahoma this weekend was their disdain for the quality of the broadcast production. Here we see an interesting first down projection.

As far as I can tell, it’s 3rd and 100*x/21 - 1.2 where x is the horizontal distance from the left hash.

Brian Ferentz would run the stretch play to the right side here.

Push It Real Good

Purdue really needed a get-right game at home after being dismantled by Wisconsin, and they should have in theory had a chance against Iowa who they’ve beaten the last few years. However, things started off...inauspiciously.

The Boiler Special broke down in the middle of the field, blocked Iowa from running across the field and then had to be pushed off.

As it turns out, Purdue would have just as many problems moving down the field.

Hunger Strikes Unexpectedly

Here’s a clip of a fantastic play for a first down by Mississippi State. Listen to the broadcast:

“2nd and 10. Waffle fries.”

Midgame Redecorating

What else can you say about Mike Leach at this point?


Last week’s winner was overwhelmingly the Division 3 grounds crew knocking over the goal post before the game

Who will take the crown this time?


Tart of the Week!

This poll is closed

  • 6%
    ELITE Gum Recyclability
    (21 votes)
  • 7%
    Mizzou saves Kentucky
    (23 votes)
  • 2%
    Invalid fair catch signal
    (8 votes)
  • 13%
    Hugh Robertson somehow has his worst punt of the year right into an ass
    (44 votes)
  • 1%
    Nern gets Nern’d
    (6 votes)
  • 18%
    Third and Linear
    (62 votes)
  • 35%
    Purdue Breakdown Before Purdue Breakdown
    (116 votes)
  • 4%
    Waffle Fries
    (15 votes)
  • 10%
    We Don’t Need Chairs
    (33 votes)
328 votes total Vote Now