It’s the Big Game. Do you know what time it’s occurring?

This article will tell you that and at least two more things—we promise.

First, because regular commenter Mochila was too damn lazy to make his own article out of it, here’s a list of Big Ten players participating in today’s game:

Bengals | 11 active

Maryland – Keondre Jones
Michigan – Chris Evans
Michigan State – Trae Waynes
Nebraska – Morgan Stanley Jr.
Ohio State – Eli Apple, Vonn Bell, Sam Hubbard, Isaiah Prince
Purdue – Ricardo Allen, Markus Bailey
Rutgers – Clark Harris

Rams | 10 active

Iowa – Jake Gervase, Alaric Jackson
Maryland – Jake Funk
Michigan – David Long
Michigan State Spartans – Brian Allen
Minnesota – Ryan Santoso
Penn State – Grant Haley, Nick Scott
Purdue – Brycen Hopkins
Wisconsin – David Edwards, Rob Havenstein

Only Illinois, Indiana, and Northwestern are not represented today.

Super Bowl LVI

Los Angeles Rams vs. Cincinnati Bengals

5:30pm | NBC | LAR -4 | O/U 48.5

SoFi Stadium, Inglewood, CA

Tell us the food you’re making for the Big Game.

WSR: I had some really disappointing ribs last night at a restaurant, so I’ve made the decision to do better because the last ribs you had should never be bad ribs. Other than that, it’ll just depend on what the girls want. I have some shrimp & cocktail sauce, mozzarella sticks, chips & homemade salsa, and quite possibly an actual ton of fruits and veggies. Let’s see how this goes.

Kind of...: We had chicken last night and didn’t eat it all, so chicken nachos it is! The partner is from Cincinnati—and did actually watch some Bengals football previously this year—but I successfully fought off Cincinnati chili as a suggestion.

Green Akers: I’m going with my dessert dip for Thumpasaurus’s gathering, and it’s simplicity itself. Tub of Greek yogurt, tub of whipped topping, a couple of cake/muffin mixes (proprietary secret which ones), stir in your choice of sprinkles, and scoop with anything from Oreos to vanilla wafers to animal crackers to pretzels.

MNW: Well I’m making Hawaiian ham-and-cheese sliders, but that pales in comparison to whatever GA’s just described to the rest of us. Holy shit.

Do you have any non-final score related thoughts on the game? Halftime show, prop bets, anything else?

WSR: I do not like that I am reaching the age where the halftime show is aimed at people like me. This is a sign of severe aging, and I will need everyone to get off my lawn while I contemplate my impending death.

Kind of...: I know WSR is several years, maybe even ten, younger than me, so he can fuck right off.

I’m going to watch, but aside from the aforementioned Cincy connection, I’m basically cheering for both owners to drop dead. One routinely holds cities hostage and moves his franchise around in search of the best stadium perks, has his Wal-Mart heir wife listed as “official owner” of an NBA and NHL franchise (to let Roger Goodell pretend to take ownership regulations seriously), and was part of the “super league” soccer kerfuffle a few months back. The other is “frugal” to the point of being the only cold weather franchise without an indoor practice facility, and has never really cared about putting a good product on the field. And this despite being the son of perhaps the most innovative mind in the history of the sport.

On the bright side, the Rams are headed for salary cap hell and the Bengals will suck again as soon as they have to re-sign Burrow (NEVER underestimate how important in the NFL it is to have a good QB on a rookie deal), so maybe upcoming years will feature teams that give a shit about their fans.

Though probably not, because 1) which teams are those?, and 2) if the Packers were going to make another Super Bowl, they probably would’ve done so by now…

Green Akers: Thoughts on an NFL game? Nah. Recent history suggests the game will be a huge letdown, even given a string of compelling games in these playoffs. I mostly mark this occasion as meaning spring practice is not too far over the horizon.

MNW: I love turning on sports talk radio for just a second the day of The Big Game and realizing that everyone’s so bored with this shit that now we’re talking about whether or not Sean McVay will retire right after winning The Big Game to take a job in broadcasting and enjoy Being A Dad or whatever. As if these lunatics could live without the Big Beef’n’Cheddar that is chewing tape for 22 hours a day before retiring to their cryopod for an hour’s sleep.

Give us your final pick of the Superb Owl.

WSR: All owls are superb. I can’t pick just one.

Kind of...: At dusk, I shall look off in the distance and observe the Owl of Minerva taking flight. As the game ends, and the announcers inevitably prattle on about the winning team overcoming their franchise’s checkered “history,” I will smile silently, knowing that all of us, including Joe Burrow and Aaron Donald, are largely history’s playthings, and that the real winner tonight will be G.W.F. Hegel.

MNW: I just hope both teams have fun.

Green Akers: Great Horned in a landslide.

Here’s your open thread for the night. Behave.