Jim Harbaugh is leaving the Michigan Wolverines.
Or...who knows, really.
But if he is, he’s going to the Minnesota Vikings, from the sounds of it! We’ve got both Big Ten aficionados and self-flagellating Vikings fans ‘round these parts, so we thought we’d take a crack at the rumors...
1. Harbz leaving Michigan: Good idea? Bad idea? What does it mean for the Wolverines?
Kind of...: Such a good idea.
...for me, and my need to be entertained.
BoilerUp89: The Michigan Spartans are still gonna beat Ohio State again next year.
LPW: LOLOLOLOL. I guess Harbz has taken them as far as they can, they can look forward to a decade of OSU getting revenge for last year. Pass the popcorn.
BRT: Probably a good move for Harbaugh. Leaves on the high note of beating OSU without having to wait a decade for it to happen again. Wins the conference. Makes it to the playoff where they embarrass themselves. It's hard to see them reaching higher heights than that. Sometimes, success is knowing when you've reached your ceiling.
I'll miss him though. He was always fun to photoshop.
DR: The Michigan Man(tm) politics that will play out behind—and in front of—the scenes of this hire will put the rest of this election year to shame. It should be wild.
Zuzu: Wow... I actually feel bad for Michigan? I mean they’re a little late for a good pick in the coaching carousel. This is very very bad for Michigan I would say.
At first I was like, why would he leave for the NFL?? Then I remembered that Jim Harbaugh was actually a pretty damn good NFL coach, arguably having better success with the 49ers in 4 years than he had at Michigan (depending on where your bar for Michigan was).
Green Akers: Well, his stock probably isn’t getting higher, his wunderkind DC already bailed and so will almost the entire defense. He just got a good, long look at how far Michigan is from winning a national title, and it took the planets aligning for them to get past Ohio State once in his seven years in Ann Arbor. Plus, it’s gotta rankle at Thanksgiving when John’s flashing the Super Bowl ring he beat Jim for while Tom Crean spills the gravy repeatedly, and Jim can’t get one in Ann Arbor, so.
For the Wolverines, it probably means Interim (?) Head Coach Josh Gattis, or, be still my beating heart, Michigan Football Head Coach Mike Hart. Please sweet Jobu, let that happen, Michigan would never beat Michigan State again. The National Signing Day angle is overplayed, since +80% of kids sign in December now anyway and can use the free transfer if the coaching change isn’t to their liking.
RU in VA: I just feel bad for the Vikings. He’s going to run Coupons into the dirt, completely waste two years of Dalvin Cook, and probably still thinks the team has Stefon Diggs.
Michigan is never in a “bad” spot. They’ll be fine - as it’s been proven that you CAN lose to Rutgers and not implode the entire program. But Michigan fans on the other hand?
They’re the kind of assholes that’ll complain about taking the first regular parking spot after the Handicapped ones at the local Meijer. They’ll bitch about Bell’s being sold while never even visiting the brewery in K-zoo. They’ll whine about not having a three car garage for their “project car” which is likely a 93’ Prelude. But most of all, they’ll chirp all offseason until Ohio State buries them by 60 next year. And blame it on Harbaugh.
WSR: What more can he do at Michigan? Get out while you’re a hero (as long as you don’t say anything else about Bo on the way out the door).
MNW: It’s a good idea for Jim and a bad idea for Michigan and it’s going to be so damn wonderful to watch it all play out.
From a competitive angle, I think the guy has a formula that could repeat 10-2 seasons with the breakthrough 2021 example every half-decade or so: run the ball, win the trenches, play good defense, have 5* athletes. That’s what Michigan gets you—a Kirk Ferentz wet dream.
But for Jim Harbaugh? I mean, dude is a maniac. Maybe he loves the antics of wearing cleats to recruits’ houses and doing weird wars of words with Ryan Day or whomever through passive-aggressive press conferences, but sure seems like he’d be just as happy coaching the collection of five-stars you get on any NFL roster and trying to win a Super Bowl.
Should Harbaugh leave Michigan?
This poll is closed
2. Any thoughts on Ol' Jim-Jam as a fit with the Vikes?
Kind of...: Name a better unintentional comedy HC/QB duo than Harbz and Kork Coupons. Don’t even try, you’ll just embarrass yourself. This is going to be fantastic.
DR: These two parties deserve one another. It will have all of the beauty of a match made on a longboat.
BoilerUp89: It’s not an awful coaching position. Rodgers is probably gone from GB. The Lions are the Lions and the Bears are the Bears.
Green Akers: Vikes are generally decent, and at some point in the future they theoretically could stop extending Kap’n Kork and actually make use of the best roster in the division. By averages, Jeem’ll be there about 3 years, be paid handsomely, and maybe come back as a deranged 61-year-old to replace his replacement as they’re flaming out at Michigan. See? Things work out sometimes.
RU in VA: Year one playoffs, year two playoffs, year three dramatic every-day-on-Sportscenter-news-story about something. It’s par for the course with this drama queen.
WSR: I think it’s a pretty good fit. He’s shown that he’s a pretty decent NFL coach, and the North is **waves at Bears & Lions & a Packers team gazillions over the cap with a whiny jackass as a QB with one foot out the door** full of potential.
Also, Kind of, I’d like to play a old favorite song for you on my accordian. Sing along, if you know the words. It’s in the key of Kirk Cousins won’t be a Viking next fall.
MNW: This is a good move. In the worst-case scenario (the Vikings keep Qork Qoupons), I trust Harbaugh to deploy Qork’s strengths—not actually having to win ballgames himself, especially not in prime time—while running the ball. In the best-case scenario, Jim-Jam finds another Alex Smithian QB to hand the ball off 35 times to whatever Vikings RB isn’t injured that week and uses the savings from getting rid of Qork to rebuild Minnesota’s offensive and defensive lines.
I have a hard time caring about the Vikings head coach right now—while it’s in vogue if you’re a preening Vikings wide receiver or linebacker to start shitting on the now-fired Mike Zimmer in order to Save Your Brand, the front office hamstringing the whole roster with a massively overpaid shitbag like Qoupons was the story there.
Grade the POTENTIAL (as of 10:15am on 2/2/22) Harbaugh-to-Vikings hire.
This poll is closed
3. Who should be the next Michigan coach and why?
As names swirl from Matt Campbell to Mike Hart (seriously), here’s one site’s odds on the next Michigan head coach:
Josh Gattis (Michigan OC) +300
Bill O’Brien (Alabama Crimson Tide OC) +400
Matt Campbell (Iowa State Cyclones HC) +500
Mike Hart (Michigan RB coach) +700
PJ Fleck (Minnesota Golden Gophers HC) +1000
Matt Rhule (Carolina Panthers HC) +1500
Kind of...: Matt Campbell? Sorry, that’s just a reflex at this point. Call me crazy, but I do give Bob Stoops a call, just to see if the itch needs to be scratched.
BoilerUp89: Brian Ferentz
LPW: The least qualified “Michigan Man” possible. Is Brady Hoke ready for round 2? In all seriousness, give Matt Campbell a call. Can’t hurt.
Green Akers: Matt Campbell just turned a preseason top-10 outfit into a 6-6 season, so by all means, please do call him. At this point in the cycle, the only sensible thing is to give Josh Gattis a spin...unless.
(whispers) Urban Meyer isn’t doing anything right now.
RU in VA: Brian Flores.
WSR: Tim Brewster has a win against Michigan on his resume.
Is it from his jr year in 1983 when he was a TE and not a coach? Yes.
But facts and details have never gotten in the way of Tim Brewster claiming something.
You get one call for the next Michigan HC. Who is it?
This poll is closed
Someone else, and by choosing this option I recognize that I am legally bound to tell you in the comments.