You, a simpleton: Well shoot, it’s basically just Saint Peter’s, Arkansas, and a bunch of teams I don’t care about in the NCAA Tournament.

Me, a visionary: THE BASKETBALL CLASSIC’S LAST QUARTERFINAL IS TODAY, BITCH

Also, it’s worth noting there are still two Big Ten teams alive in postseason basketball—Indiana and Michigan’s women’s basketball teams play today, with the Hoosiers likely to run into the UConn buzzsaw (in Bridgeport, because of course) but the Wolverines with a great shot at an Elite Eight, facing a 10-seed.

NCAA Men’s Basketball Schedule

The Basketball Classic — Quarterfinal

Portland Pilots at Southern Utah Thunderbirds

5pm | ESPN+ | SUU -4 | O/U 155

NCAA Tournament — Elite Eight

[5] Houston Cougars vs. [2] Villanova Wildcats

5:09pm | TBS | UH -2.5 | O/U 128

South Region (AT&T Center, San Antonio, TX)

MNW: Save us, Kelvin Sampson. Go Coogs.

[4] Arkansas Razorbacks vs. [2] Duke Blue Devils

7:49pm | TBS | Duke -4 | O/U 147.5

West Region (Chase Center, San Francisco, CA)

MNW: Save us, Eric Musselman. Go Hogs.

NCAA Women’s Basketball Schedule

NCAA Tournament — Sweet Sixteen Recaps

Your brief recap and update on all things Big Ten women’s hoops:

• [1] Stanford Cardinal 72, [4] Maryland Terrapins 66: A 30-13 fourth quarter made it look respectable for the Terps, who dug a deep hole and got positively manhandled by the Cardinal inside—Stanford had more offensive rebounds (17) than Maryland had defensive (16), which I’m told is bad. A solid 25 and 9 for Ashley Reese in her final Terrapins appearance, and an understandable loss to a buzzsaw in Stanford.
• [2] Texas Longhorns 66, [6] Ohio State Buckeyes 63: Texas took the lead with 7:20 left in the third quarter and stretched it to 10 in the fourth quarter before the Buckeyes made it a sweat, with threes from Jacy Sheldon and Taylor Mikesell forcing the Longhorns to hit their free throws down the stretch. They did, and despite only attempting four threes all game, Texas held off the Bucks. A damn good, evenly matched game, and the lower-seeded Big Ten squad fell just short.
• [10] Creighton Bluejays 76, [3] Iowa State Cyclones 68: Congrats to the Iowa Hawkeyes on their biggest win of the postseason.

NCAA Tournament — Sweet Sixteen Schedule

[5] Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. [1] NC State Wolfpack

10:30am | ESPN | NCSt -9 | O/U 144

[3] Indiana Hoosiers vs. [2] UConn Huskies

1pm | ESPN | Conn -8.5 | O/U 125.5

BuffKomodo: Indiana goes to Bridgeport to play UConn. If Indiana hadn’t tried pissing away a Sweet 16 appearance in Assembly, I’d think they’d have a shot. They tried to lose though and I don’t see much of a chance here. Indiana finishes a good season without a banner or trophy and does not advance to back to back elite 8s. Lots to ponder and lots of build on for the lady Hoosiers, and the future does look bright.

[4] Tennessee Volunteers vs. [1] Louisville Cardinals

3pm | ESPN2 | Lhvl -7.5 | O/U 132

[10] South Dakota Coyotes vs. [3] Michigan Wolverines

5:30pm | ESPN2 | Michigan -4 | O/U 123

MNW: A third straight game against a double-digit seed for the Wolverines, who slowly smothered 14-seed American and 11-seed Villanova behind 51 combined points from Naz Hillmon—37% of Michigan’s total scoring.

The ‘Yotes, though, present a much different challenge—they rotate HARD on defense, with some really well-timed double-teams in the post that kept Baylor’s pair of future WNBA Draft picks off-balance. Center Hannah Sjerven (from Rogers, MN!) should be able to test Hillmon inside. But USD brings height all over the court: they don’t have a single player below 5’9” on their roster, and 5’10” G Chloe Lamb (Onida, SD!) is liable to go off from anywhere on the court. The ‘Yotes are one of the best defenses in the country, and they could drag this one down into the 50s and make it anyone’s game.

Women’s NIT — Hey, wha’ happened?

• Minnesota Golden Gophers: def. Green Bay Phoenix, 73-65; lost to South Dakota State Jackrabbits, 78-57
• Purdue Boilermakers: def. Southern Illinois Salukis, 82-60; lost to Marquette Golden Eagles, 77-62

They lost.

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Here’s your thread for the day’s basketball. Behave.