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Hot Grapes! Potluck #3 Drops the Ball

We’re talking fruit temperatures and Sparty’s lukewarm pass defense.

Lately, I’ve been listening to a rewatch podcast for Parks and Recreation that features Rob Lowe (Chris Traeger) and Alan Yang (one of the writers for the show). I’ve enjoyed it a lot, because I enjoy most things that are Parks-related, but I’ve particularly enjoyed Alan Yang’s input about the behind-the-scenes writing of the show. The stories of the writing process, the long-running jokes, and surprisingly contentious topics are really fun to hear. On a recent episode, it was revealed that one recurring debate was “the hot fruit debate”—namely, whether food should ever be eaten hot. Apparently, this is a divisive issue. As someone who enjoys hot fruit in its place (pie and cobbler), I’m not fundamentally opposed to this idea, though that “in its place” is pretty important–I’m not talking about eating grapes that are hot because they’ve been left in a car or something. That’s gross.

When it comes to fruit pies, one of the classics, is, of course, cherry. And the state of Michigan, they will have you know, grows some fantastic cherries! They’re especially important in the tart cherry game, growing 70% of the nation’s tart cherry supply. Apparently, Montmorency cherries are known as “America’s Superfruit,” which isn’t the cutest name, but work with what you’ve got, I suppose.

So, writers and readers:

  1. Do you have any strong cherry opinions? Love ‘em? Loath ‘em? Wish they’d make them pitless already?
  2. Hot fruit: do you enjoy this gooey delicacy, or is even the phrase “hot fruit” causing you deep discomfiture right now?
  3. Which fruit(s) should not, under any circumstances, ever be consumed hot?

MC ClapYoHandz: I’ll refrain from being a real dillhole and considering avocado and coconut for the hot fruit debate, but more on that in a second. Cherries are incredible unless they’re really tart (sorry Michigan not a fan), they really should get more love. They also boast some of the least annoying seeds/pits in the fruit game so there’s that. Not without an Achilles heel- for the love of god stop eating maraschino cherries they practically invented cancer.

I’m good with hot fruit but almost exclusively in that pie/pastry zone, and cherry is an underrated pie despite what classic rock would suggest. There are some exclusions though. I don’t think pear works as hot anything, which is a blemish to another otherwise underrated fruit. Even though I think pineapple works as part of a skewer I’ll choose it to kick off my ulterior motive of a side debate/fight regarding its pizza merits. Watermelon is perfect cold, what even are we doing otherwise. And if you hand me hot grapefruit or prune anything I will absolutely feed your dog a fuckton of cheese.

BoilerUp89: Cherries are fine. Not going out of my way to find them but I’ll definitely eat some whenever I happen to stumble across them. Almost all pies are delicious. So pro hot fruit. The one fruit that shouldn’t be eaten hot are pears because pears are something I don’t like. Cold/hot/medium, I don’t want to consume pears at any temperature.

MC: How dare you.

Jesse: Definitely pro-cherry, and I’ll say that tart cherries generally make for the best cherry pie filling in that they add the acidity that is usually missing from that overly sweet canned stuff. As for hot fruit, like, pie, cobbler, etc, makes sense to me as hot fruit? I guess I don’t hate cooked fruit with some savory dishes either (pork with apples, for example), but I’m not going to go eat like, a hot raspberry because it’s just on the counter or whatever. I don’t really know of any “under no circumstances” hot fruit either. Maybe mango? But that feels more like I haven’t found a use case more than it would be bad. Also, in defense of bananas hot, bananas foster is remarkable.

WSR: I like cherries. The only downside is the food-to-effort level when you get them with the pits and stems. They’re absolutely one of my two favorite fruit flavors for beverages, and that’s nice. Hot fruit is…eh? Depends on what it is.A nice mango salsa or a pie or something like that? Sure.

You know what we don’t need hot? Strawberries. Because we don’t ever need any strawberries. More for the rest of you, because I’m not consuming any.

misdreavus79: I’m an avid enjoyer of fruit, but not as much of a sweets kind of person. And, for the most part, when fruit is consumed hot it is part of some sort of sweet or pastry. That doesn’t mean I’m against hot fruit, but I probably wouldn’t miss not ever eating it if it comes in the form of a sweet food item.

So, there’s this variety of cherries in the DR where the pits are actually soft, so all my life I’d been used to eating cherries, pit and all. Then I come to the US, experience this “cherry with a hard pit” thing, and, well, now I eat cherries with a hard pit, pit and all.

I’m sure there’s a fruit out there that would be disgusting if consumed hot, but there’s also some chef out there who makes that fruit taste amazing. So I’m going to go with “everything is possible if you put your mind to it!”

BRT: What a flex, misdreavus. Non-sweets people are always really excited to tell you how they don’t really like sweet treats, have you noticed that? But this is why misdreavus is a strapping young thing, and I’m hanging over 400 lbs on my 6’8” frame. Or maybe it’s the eating-cherry-pits-thing that’s keeping him svelte (also, what the HELL, man?)

Anyway, I like cherries. And sweets.

Football:

As for the football, Andrew tells me that MSU’s pass defense is the literal worst in the country–like hot-banana bad. I’ll turn this over to him to explain further:

“The coaches seem to think the DBs aren’t the problem because they only added one transfer there and instead loaded up on linebackers and DEs to try to goose the pass rush. So this would be like trying to improve your diet and looking anywhere but the three nights of pizza you eat a week - sure, maybe you can tighten things up elsewhere, but let’s not pretend we don’t know what the problem is.”

So, writers and readers:

  1. How is your team’s pass defense looking?
  2. Did your team have any fun experiences against MSU’s hot-banana pass defense last year?
  3. Tell us an either all-time great or all-time terrible moment involving passing defense that you remember.

MC: It’s the question mark of the Wisconsin defense as it often is. That said, the Badgers brought in three senior cornerback transfers in the offseason and it’s fair to expect at least two to be instant impact additions. How well that translates to the overall product is a mystery, but I’d guess that pass defense will be good for Wisconsin, which means average. Wisconsin also has zero proven safety depth beyond the starters, so look for some trial by fire action there if they can’t stay healthy.

Jamar Fletcher had a pretty huge pick-6 on Drew Brees that is still right up there. He also had a similarly important pick-6 against UCLA in the Rose Bowl late. Honorable mention to playing Tanner McEvoy at safety despite being like 7 feet tall.

BoilerUp89: My teams pass D should be adequate for all checks notes 2.5 teams we play with a passing game. Sure Maryland and PSU might turn into shootouts, but I’d rather have PSU throwing than grinding out yards and the clock on the ground. Minnesota may or may not attempt to throw the ball this year and the rest of Purdues schedule is going to run the ball. And then run some more. Maybe punt on 2nd down.

The Boilers had lots of fun against the Spartan passing defense last year. From cool trick plays to lots of points, Purdue committed to not running the ball and beat Sparty.

As for poor passing defense - we play in the B1G West. Sure, Purdue has had plenty of poor secondaries over the years that are incapable of stopping anyone. But to be honest that hardly ever matters when all your opponents just want to run the ball.

Jesse: It’s.. untested? Nebraska graduated much of its good-maybe-better-than-that secondary, but also absolutely reloaded that room. I really like transfer Tommi Hill who is coming in from Arizona State and likely will be a boundary corner starter in Dublin. Chinander and Fisher have really crafted a good room and development program so I’m going to say I’m excited about it… cautiously.

And yes, Nebraska did enjoy Michigan State’s secondary, but that game ended dumb so let’s just not bring that up… Um, all-time terrible moment? I dunno, that time Kansas scored like 1000 points because our secondary didn’t understand the basics of coverage was pretty abysmal. I’m not sure that was even all-time bad so much as just really really dumb. One second… Wait, I remember a worst game. Texas Tech - Nebraska in 2004. That game was just a disaster and Sonny Cumbie threw 436 yards with ease. Yikes… That was awful.

WSR: I think our pass defense is fine. Part of that is that I have a lot of faith in the guys back there, and another part is that I have no real reason to worry about the passing game of anyone in the West. Y’all have trash QBs and your coaches should be ashamed of themselves.

Sadly, no. But we do have an appointment to see just how bad that pass defense is at the end of September! Keep eating that pizza and complaining about your abs, Sparty.

Bad Minnesota secondary moments? 1997-2010. I hear that when they tore down the Metrodome, Kyle Theret was still standing out there in the middle of nowhere all by himself. Good secondary moments? Michael Carter vs. Purdue in 2012. For some reason they decided to pick on him 3 plays in a row. 1st play? Deflection. 2nd play? Deflection. 3rd play? Not a deflection. Pick 6.

misdreavus79: Yeah Penn State’s pass defense will be fine thank you very much. Ji’Ayir Brown, Kalen King, Joey Porter Jr., Zakee Wheatley, Keaton Ellis, Penn State has plenty of options in the secondary. And, while replacing Jaquan Brisker is no small task, the Lions should have a good combination of talent and experience to keep it going.

…I don’t want to talk about the Michigan State game.

…because of that all time derpy moment in the pass game that effectively lost it for Penn State.

Poll

Hot fruit?

  • 54%
    Yes!
    (38 votes)
  • 11%
    No!
    (8 votes)
  • 34%
    Seriously, who eats cherry pits, misdreavus????
    (24 votes)
70 votes total Vote Now