OTE 2022: Don’t Watch This; Watch That:
A College Football Viewing Guide

Th 12:00-2:30pm | Online, Asychronous | Fall 2022 | No Credits

Instructor: Dr. MNWildcat
Email: minnesotawildcat at gmail dot com
Office: Slack, email by appointment only
Office Hours: Only at times you have a lab or another class

Guidelines, Grading, and Administration Information

Course Description

There are a lot of college football games played every Saturday. But how do you know which one to watch?

While some Twitter accounts think that it’s easiest to just call every game a “Sickos Special”, this 2000-level class will prepare you to watch all the best, worst, and most disgusting games on the broadest range of channels in American college football broadcasting. While that is a large task, this course will break it down into five sets of conceptual and analytical skills. You will learn:

1. Which games not to watch,
2. Which games to watch,
3. What channel those games are on,
4. Something random about maps or history or travel or the Midwest,
5. How to vote in inane and nonsensical polls.

As this is a mixed lecture- and discussion-based class, I will model how to analyze college football games and build a viewing schedule while introducing historical events and trends. Interaction and thoughtful communication, though, are vital to a liberal arts education shitposting blog. You will hone your analytic skills through written comments and in-article polls. I expect you to learn how to think about the college football schedule, not what to think about it actually, I expect you to learn what to think about it, as well.

Administrative Information

Assignments and Grading

• Polling (20%)
• Analytic Writing (2%)
• Shitposting (78%)

This class may be taken pass/fail; by being here, you are already a failure.

The Map Quiz will be given at the start of the semester to ensure students have familiarized themselves with American college football landmarks like Evanston brothels, college nicknames, towns led by Socialist mayors, New Deal stadiums, Culvers located along I-94 in Wisconsin, etc.

Writing Analyses: At times noted on the syllabus, students will provide a response to a prompt in Coral, explicitly referencing assigned readings and following conventions of proper grammar, spelling, and analysis. We use a general format for these writing assignments:

The Comment: This is an analytic writing assignment that directly answers one or more question(s) posed in a prompt. It should meet these criteria:

* No more than 10,000 characters
* Contain an analytic thesis and use the primary sources assigned either through quotations and citations (not counted in the final word count) or allusions to the primary sources.
* Follow appropriate grammatical conventions.
* Not use any profanity, apparently, otherwise the Coral Monster will get you.

You may turn in as many of these as you want; (3) of these will be assigned worth 50 points each. Special guidelines for each Comment, plus a rubric, will be posted to our Learning Management System.

Midterm and Final: These exams will test your factual knowledge (of games, more games, weird channels to watch football on, etc.) and your ability to construct an argument that you would rather watch Hawai’i-UConn than Ohio State-Michigan. It will consist of three sections: (1) games to watch; (2) games not to watch; and (3) an application poll that presents you with all the games worth watching and asks you to disregard an analytic, document-based argument in favor of listing stupid poll questions. The final will be cumulative and include follow-up questions that prompt you to interpret the last 15 weeks of college football in your own way.

All comments should be in 11- or 12-point, Times New Roman font, with Chicago Style (Notes and Bibliography) footnotes. See the Chicago Manual of Style Online for the complete guide. Students are also encouraged to make use of the Fanshots Writing Center, which provides consultations to help with comment writing and is located in the right-hand margin of the main page.

Other Guidelines:

• Late poll votes will not be accepted except in cases approved by me before the deadline. If you know you will be absent when an assignment is due, it is your responsibility to submit it electronically on that day or earlier. Only in genuine emergencies will you be allowed to make up poll votes.
• I will field email questions on comments and polls until 10pm the night before they are due.
• Regarding questions or problems concerning comments, I require a 24-hour moratorium on discussing papers and exams. Use this time to read my comments completely and consider them fully. If you would then like to discuss the grade, please contact me.

Attendance, Participation, and Safety Measures

Students are expected to attend each class and all other class activities. I take attendance every lecture, but it is your responsibility to make sure your presence is recorded – please make every effort to attend. However, as 2020 taught us: Stay home if you feel ill. If you do need to miss DWT;WT because illness, injury, family emergency, or school activity necessitates it, please contact me privately. Please note that “Northwestern being bad” is not a reason for failing to punch in.

But attendance is not enough. Active participation is required, including asking questions, offering opinions, voting in polls, and responding to others’ thoughts in written and visual formats. Some classes include small-scale discussions of assigned sources, others include free-for-all melees in the comments. I take exceptional participation into account for final grades.

Required Readings

As this course is designed to hone your college football skills by reading and analyzing the football schedule, there are no assigned books to purchase and no Twitter accounts that I recommend you follow. My nonsense and the week schedule (see below), will function as your sources of historical narrative. All assigned football games can be found under the time they are assigned.

Electronics Policy

Computers will be allowed in class only for purposes of note-taking and viewing assigned resources. Many in-class assignments make use of Google Drive—please use a compatible device or see me to make arrangements. Use of phones and any other electronic devices for work business is not tolerated. Please be mentally present for our 2.5 hours together each week. If you are caught using laptops for any purpose other than voting and commenting, you will lose points from your attendance/participation grade.

Log in to your SBNation account to access the OTE comment section.

Please use your SBNation email for communications related to this course. To access this email, login to your AOL account with your HuskerMax credentials.

Access to a webcam is required for students participating remotely in this course. Webcams must be turned on during group discussion or other activities that solicit participation.

Students may not record all or part of class, livestream all or part of DWT;WT, or make/distribute screen captures, without advanced written consent of the instructor. If you have or think you may have a disability such that you need to record class-related activities, please contact the Student Accessibility Center. If you have an accommodation to record class-related activities, those recordings may not be shared with any other student, whether in this course or not, or with any other person or on any other platform. Classes may be recorded by the instructor. Students may use instructor’s recordings for their own studying and notetaking. Instructor’s recordings are not authorized to be shared with anyone without the prior written approval of the instructor. Failure to comply with requirements regarding recordings will result in a disciplinary referral to the Dean of Coral Office and may result in disciplinary action.

Reasonable Academic Adjustments/Auxiliary Aids

If you require assistance as outlined by the Americans with Disabilities Act (sponsored by Tom Harkin), please meet with me early in the semester. The Student Accessibility Center provides support services and reasonable testing accommodations for qualified students with permanent or temporary health impairments, physical limitations, psychiatric disorders, and learning disabilities. Students who want to know more about these services should consult the Student Handbook, or should contact the Student Accessibility Center.

Counseling and Psychological Services

If you are feeling stressed or feel like you need to talk through some things, I encourage you to schedule an appointment or stop into the office. If you would like someone to walk over with you, please ask me!

Location: Fanshots
Hours: 8:00am - 4:00 pm Monday-Friday during the football season

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call 1.800.273.8255
ULifeline: 1.800.273.TALK (8255) or Text “START” to 741-741

Sexual Misconduct

Title IX makes it clear that violence and harassment based on sex and gender are Civil Rights offenses subject to the same kinds of accountability and support applied to offenses against other protected categories such as race, national origin, etc., unless you attend Baylor or the University of Michigan. If you or someone you know has been harassed or assaulted, you can find the appropriate resources here:

• Title IX Coordinator: BigRedTwice, someone Actually Trained in These Things.

Plagiarism and Academic Honesty

Plagiarism is an act of intellectual dishonesty that consists of passing off another’s words as one’s own. Sanctions for infractions of plagiarism are serious, and may result in failing a course and being placed on academic probation. You are expected to write your own work and to give credit to sources.

You will find information about the University’s Academic Honesty Policy from wherever I plagiarized this information originally.

The primary concern in this course is plagiarism, defined in the Academic Honesty Policy: “Representing as one’s own work the work of another without acknowledging the source.” This includes:

• Using the exact words of the source text without quotation marks and/or citations
• Paraphrasing the source text in your own words without citations
• Incorrect paraphrasing that resembles the source text too closely

We will discuss ways to credit sources properly in academic writing and therefore avoid instances of inadvertent plagiarism. Willful and knowing academic dishonesty will be dealt with according to University policy and can result in failure of the assignment or the course, and/or suspension from or expulsion from the University.

Comments and Fanposts written for a blog cannot be used to fulfill the requirements for another blog. This will be considered an act of academic dishonesty. If you would like to incorporate fragments from a comment written for a different blog, you need to obtain written authorization from the professor of that blog and from me. If you do not comply with this regulation, you will be facing sanctions ranging from your grade on the comment being lowered to failing this class.

COVID-19 and Public Health

Face Covering Policy

To reduce the spread of COVID-19, the University strongly encourages everyone (vaccinated or not) to wear face coverings indoors on campus including classrooms for both faculty and students.

Presence in Class

Your presence in class each session means that you:

• Are NOT exhibiting any Coronavirus Symptoms that makes you think that you may have COVID-19
• Have NOT tested positive or been diagnosed for COVID-19
• Have NOT knowingly been exposed to someone with COVID-19 or suspected/presumed COVID-19

If you are experiencing any COVID-19 symptoms that are not clearly related to a pre-existing medical condition, do not come to class. Please see Student Protocols for what to do if you experience symptoms and Potential Exposure to Coronavirus for what to do if you have potentially been exposed to COVID-19. Consult the (select: Undergraduate Excused Absence Policy or Graduate Excused Absence Policy) for information regarding excused absences due to medical reasons. [Note: on the syllabus I copied this out of, I never bothered to select “Undergraduate Excused Absence Policy” and no student ever called me on it; nor will you, because you haven’t read down this far.]

COVID-19 Information

Students are encouraged to visit the University’s COVID-19 website for important information including on-campus testing, vaccines, diagnosis and symptom protocols, campus cleaning and safety practices, report forms, and positive cases on campus. Please check the website throughout the semester for updates.

Vaccinations

Get vaccinated, you fucking assholes.

Syllabus Changes

Due to the changing nature of the COVID-19 pandemic and impending life changes, please note that the instructor may need to make modifications to the course syllabus and may do so at any time. Notice of such changes will be announced as quickly as possible through this blog as available.

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Thursday Evening

Don’t Watch This

#9 Reinhardt Eagles at #24 Faulkner Yoknapatawphas [5pm, YouTube — NAIA]
Mount Marty Lancers at Presentation Slideshows [6pm, Stretch — NAIA]
Evangel Istas at Clarke Pride [6:30pm, Heart Conference — NAIA]
Dakota Wesleyan McGoverns at Dakota State Bizonrabbits [7:05pm, YouTube — NAIA]

Green Bay Packers at Kansas City Chiefs [7pm, NFLN]
San Francisco 49ers at Houston Texans [7:15pm, Amazon Prime]

{Liga MX} Pachuca vs. Atlas [7:05pm, TUDN]
{Liga MX} Xolos vs. Santos Laguna [9:05pm, ESPN Deportes]
{CONCACAF League} Olimpia vs. Municipal [9:30pm, TUDN]

{MSOC} Maryland Terrapins vs. New Hampshire Wildcats [5pm, ESPNU]
{WSOC} Penn State vs. West Virginia [5pm, BTN]
{MSOC} Michigan Wolverines vs. Duquesne Dukes [6pm, BTN+]
{MSOC} Ohio State vs. South Carolina Gamecocks [6pm, ESPN+]
{MSOC} Penn State Nittany Lions vs. Rhode Island [7:30pm, BTN]
{MSOC} Wisconsin Badgers vs. Utah Tech Trailblazers [8pm, BTN+]

{WSOC} Kentucky Wildcats vs. Purdue Boilermakers [4pm, SECN+]
{WSOC} Northwestern vs. SIU Edwardsville Cougars [4:30pm, BTN+]
{WSOC} Wisconsin vs. Loyola Chicago Ramblers [5pm, BTN+]
{WSOC} Minnesota Gophers vs. Cal Poly Mustangs [6pm, BTN+]
{WSOC} Michigan State Spartans vs. Central Michigan Chippewas [6pm, BTN+]
{WSOC} Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Kansas Jayhawks [6pm, BTN+]

Watch That

Valley City State Vikings at Jamestown Jimmies

7pm | Stretch Internet Portal | Paint Bucket Bowl, or

Battle of the Schools That Interviewed and Rejected Me In a Six-Month Span

Calgary Stampeders at Winnipeg Blue Bombers

7:30pm | ESPN+ | WPG -5.5 | O/U 48.5

For the two of you who wondered “Why is he posting this if the games don’t start until Saturday?”:

YOU FOOLS!

The Vikings and the Jimmies comprise the most proximate rivalry in North Dakota—just 38 miles apart on I-94—one that’s existed since 1961 and usually draws a standing-room-only crowd to watch the battle for supremacy in east central North Dakota. It fits what you, newcomer to DWT;WT, will surely learn about our criteria for “good games”:

• Teams need not be good
• Should be on a weird channel
• Best when played for a trophy

The Ol’ Paint Bucket meets all of that and more. We also would’ve accepted the 7:05pm start for Dakota Wesleyan and Dakota State, but when I learned the game wasn’t in Mitchell—LONG LIVE CORN PALACE—and Wesleyan wasn’t the Fightin’ McGoverns, I lost interest. They do play for the Chamber of Commerce Trophy, though.

Friday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Hamilton Tiger-Cats at Toronto Argonauts (-3, O/U 48.5) [6:30pm, ESPN+]

{MSOC} Michigan State vs. Army [6pm, BTN+]
{WSOC} Ohio State vs. BYU [6:30pm, BTN]
{Liga MX} Puebla vs. Juarez [7pm, TUDN]
{MLS} Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders [9pm, ESPN]

Watch That

Austin FC vs. Los Angeles FC

7pm | ESPN

Saskatchewan Roughriders at BC Lions

9:30pm | ESPNews | no line | O/U 46.5

Enjoy, if you would, honest-to-goodness language in a syllabus I’m teaching on World History—a course I am woefully underqualified to teach:

Our Daily History Check-Ins can be found on [LMS]. One of our objectives for this class is to build your geographic and historical literacy. To that end, we will have daily (required on class days only!) “check-in” threads on [LMS] where you can post your daily scores from any of these three apps:

Globle: Find the mystery country by its proximity to other nations
Worldle: Guess the mystery country by its outline
Yeardle: Guess the year by the events described

After you have finished the challenge, hit “Share” to copy your results and paste them into the appropriate thread on [LMS] plus a sentence (just one sentence!) on something you found interesting, hard, or easy about the day’s challenge. You can relate it to what we’ve learned in class, mention that you’ve never heard of it but learned something new, or anything else – the idea here is not that you’re getting it right every day (I don’t expect you to, and I don’t!), it’s that you’re interacting with new ideas and corners of the world that you otherwise would not have.

This is a not unsubstantial portion of their grade—three times a week, checking in on our learning management platform by copying and pasting their scores from a game they can play while taking a shit in the morning.

On day one (Monday), we did the day’s Worldle as an example. I asked them to identify it. Here’s what it was:

Not one of them could identify that country. This is a college-level world history class.

Anywho, when Tuesday was the Falkland Islands, you’ll be stunned to learn that none of them got that right, either.

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

Austin Peay Governors at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers [11am, CBSSN]

{La Liga} Elche vs. Real Sociedad [10:30am, ESPN+]
{Bundesliga} Bayern Munchen vs. Borussia Monchengladbach [11:30am, ESPN+]
{EPL} Arsenal vs. Fulham [11:30am, NBC]
{La Liga} Rayo Vallecano vs. Mallorca [12:30pm, ESPN+]

Watch That

Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. Northwestern Wildcats

11:30am | FOX | UNL -13 | O/U 50.5 | In Dublin, Ireland

I hate everything.

But I’ve come around to this game.

Look, the idea of DWT;WT is the sickest, best, cringiest shit ever. And that’s what this game is. It’s going to be so horrible, even if it’s good. I cannot wait. This is what we deserve, people.

One thing it’s worth noting in the early days of the season—something I’ve written about before is that we do not care, pundit seated at a desk, about how hard it must be to be a fan of a “big team” that’s losing. Back on August 13, Brentford—a tiny soccer club in the English Premier League that had not been in that nation’s top flight since the 1940s—put a 4-0 walloping on Noted Big Club Manchester United, scoring all four goals in the first half as a stunned Red Devils squad bumbled their way around the field.

At halftime NBC cut to the studio, where analyst Robbie Earle began his halftime thoughts with “Well, for starters, you just feel bad for the fans of Manchester United.”

No.

No you do not.

You never feel bad for the fans of a team whose owners flirted with running away to form a Super League, you never feel bad for the fans of a team that has won a record 20 league titles, you never feel bad for the fans who get virtually anything they want whenever they want it and have now fell on some “hard times” that probably mean a 6th or 7th place finish.

It’s why you never feel bad for Ohio State losing, why you never weep for poor old Patriots fans, why you never weep for Yankees assholes. It’s the same fallacy of those teams winning being “good for the sport”. It’s not. It’s good for the talking heads who want to sell newspapers or blog aggregated clicks or whatever the hell I’m supposed to be doing here. Competition shouldn’t be dependent on or valid if one certain team is good. Fuck outta here, Ohio State or Nebraska or Miami or whomever.

Welcome to temporary hardship. At least you have a lifeline back out.

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

{NAIA} Edward Waters at Florida Memorial [2pm, Stretch Portal, BIG CAT CLASSIC]
Idaho State Bengals at UNLV Rebels [2:30pm, CBSSN]
#18 Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks at Jacksonville State Gamecocks [2:30pm, ESPN]
UConn Huskies at Utah State Aggies (-26, O/U 59.5) [3pm, FS1]
Duquesne Dukes at Florida State Seminoles [4pm, ACCN]

{Ligue 1} Lens vs. Rennes [2pm, beIN]
{MLS} Minnesota United vs. Houston Dynamo [2:30pm, TUDN]
{CPL} Cavalry vs. York United [2:30pm, Fox Soccer Plus]
{Liga MX} Almeria vs. Sevilla [3pm, ESPN+]

Watch That

Wyoming Cowboys at Illinois Fighting Illini

3pm | BTN | Illinois -11 | O/U 44

Honestly, if you say you’re not excited for this one, fuck you.

Look at this glorious random number generator that is Craig Bohl’s non-conference scheduling and results in Laramie:

Sports Reference

What do YOU prefer there? The 17-14 win over Wofford in 2018 or the 19-16 escape of Montana State in 2021? The 50-43 win at MAC champ Northern Illinois followed by a two-point squeaker over lowly UConn? The home win over Mizzou in 2019, the three-point loss at Eastern Michigan in 2016, or the eleven-point loss to North Dakota—the Fighting Hawks, not the Bizon—in 2015?

Look at Craig Bohl. LOOK AT HIM.

Troy Babbitt-USA TODAY Sports

That is a man who gives no fucks.

We laugh about Bert—and rightly so—for muddying up games and making them dumb and bad, but red-assed Craig Bohl has made the ‘Pokes into a fucking JUGGERNAUT of randomness.

Enjoy the best fight song in college football, and get pumped for Saturday:

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Howard Bison at Alabama State Hornets [6pm, ESPN]
Morehead State Eagles at Mercer Bears [6pm, ESPN+]
Florida A&M Rattlers at North Carolina Tar Heels [7:15pm, ACCN]

Los Angeles Rams at Cincinnati Bengals [5pm, NFLN]
Ottawa REDBLACKS at Edmonton Elks [6pm, ESPN+]

{Liga MX} Cruz Azul vs. Queretaro [5pm, TUDN]
{CPL} Atletico Ottawa vs. Forge [5:30pm, Fox Soccer Plus]
{MLS} New York Red Bulls vs. Inter Miami [6pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Charlotte vs. Toronto FC [6pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Cincinnati vs. Columbus Crew [6:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Philadelphia Union vs. Colorado Rapids [6:30pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Chicago Fire vs. CF Montreal [7pm, ESPN+]
{LIga MX} Tigres UANL vs. Necaxa [7:05pm, TUDN]
{MLS} Sporting Kansas City vs. San Jose Earthquakes [7:30pm, ESPN+]

{MLB} San Francisco Giants at Minnesota Twins [6:15pm, FOX]
{MLB} Atlanta Braves at Saint Louis Cardinals [6:15pm, FOX]

Watch That

Charlotte 49ers at Florida Atlantic Owls

6pm | CBSSN | FAU -7 | O/U 59.5

One of my few sports takes in this article: look for FAU to make some noise in 2022. With former Miami QB N’Kosi Perry at the helm and Willie Taggart looking to coach his way out of Boca Raton just like Lane Kiffin before him, the Owls have a fun little thing going in south Florida.

This one could be doubly fun, though, as fifth-year 49ers starter Chris Reynolds tossed 25 TDs in 2021, including in a win over Duke—WHO IS ABSOLUTELY A TEAM YOU CAN BEAT, FITZ, YOU CLOD—and runs the ball well. He’s joined by a few good backs and absolutely no defense, meaning I’m reaaaaally hoping the over hits in this one.

It’s Late and I’m Drunk...

Don’t Watch This

Nevada Wolf Pack (-9, O/U 50.5) at New Mexico State Aggies [9pm, ESPN2]

Minnesota Vikings at Denver Broncos [8pm, NFLN]

{MLB} Cleveland Guardians at Seattle Mariners [9:10pm, FS1]

{MLS} Dallas vs. Real Salt Lake [8pm, ESPN+]
{MLS} Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Nashville SC [9pm, ESPN+]
{Liga MX} Chivas vs. Pumas UNAM [9:05pm, Telemundo]
{USL} Las Vegas Lights vs. Rio Grande Valley [9:30pm, ESPN+]
{USL} Sacramento Republic vs. Oakland Roots [10pm, ESPN+]

Watch That

North Texas Mean Green at UTEP Miners

8pm | Stadium | EVEN | O/U 54.5

Vanderbilt Commodores at Hawai’i Rainbow Warriors

9:30pm | CBSSN | Vanderbilt -8 | O/U 54

2021 called, buddy:

They want their news back.

(I don’t know why dumbass tweets like that get to me, because I’m not a Big Journalist and don’t pretend to be, but, like, it’s already been like that for a year! People have been finding ways to watch Hawai’i football for years now, and the app is free and easy enough to use! Maybe it’s because it’s some supposed marker of how much of a “Sicko” you are that really gets my goat.)

In the meantime, Hawai’i is playing in a makeshift stadium on its campus, Timmy Chang is the new coach after half the team basically walked out on Todd Graham, and that’s when the ‘Bows are most dangerous. Chang’s branded the #braddahood, and hopefully vibes can get Hawai’i over the line, because 53 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) transfers joining the program is...uh...

On the other side, Vandy would be a fun story if you didn’t read things about Clark Lea being a lunatic who makes the Commodores practice how they practice—then loses by 20 to FCS teams and spouts more platitudes.

Anyway, long live the run-and-shoot.

Looking forward to the semester, everyone. Make sure you study. You never know when there’ll be a pop quiz...