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Closing Arguments 2022: Rutgers Scarlet Knights

Another football season, I guess

Rutgers v Penn State Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images

Well, another season begins.

Before we get started - let’s deal with something outside of the courtroom, okay?

The top Rutgers football news story this Summer hasn’t been the quarterback competition (WHY IS NOAH VEDRAL STILL IN COLLEGE), or the recruiting pickups they respectfully did well on - or even the relatively soft schedule they’ve finally been given.

Of course not, that shit’s boring to everyone except the 30 people that follow Rutgers’ sports. It’s been the Summer scandal of a century On The Banks. On one side, it involves an incredible devious tech company that delivers food. On the other side, students that are upset in the way athletes are using their tuition to support said tech company.

You guessed it: Doordash. From May 2021 to June 2022, Rutgers University spent $450,000 on Doordash orders for their athletes. The company line is that these orders were used to feed COVID-secluded athletes either in the University facilities or at home during a break.

It’s no secret that Rutgers has incredible difficulty keeping up with even the modest programs in the B1G. But when less than half a million dollars over more than a year is spent to feed all the University’s athletes who have COVID problems... it perfectly exemplifies why they’ll never be able to compete. Texas is offering TWICE Rutgers’ year long Doordash bill TO EVERY RECRUIT.

Yet these knucklehead tax payers in New Jersey will find something to complain about. But I guess I have to actually write about the Rutgers football team.


In backwards order:


9 Reasons Why Rutgers Offense Will Make Noise in 2022


Paleontology Forecast for New Jersey

Rutgers Defense and Special Teams Review

New changes to Rutgers 2022

And if you don’t read any other linked article on this page, read this one:

How to let go

My favorite part: “You know if Ohio State is gonna beat us by 5 touchdowns, I want Rutgers to show me a cool trick play that Fox Sports talks about on its show. One that’s Tweeted about. Give me highlight reels of the plays of the game showing stunning sacks and beautiful punts. Give me that modicum of false hope where we get a groove early on, and just chalk it up as, “hey you know it was pretty close in the first half!” Give me the fun. Give me the positives. Give me the joy. We all need it because boy is the world fucking miserable.”

We all write for this silly website. Only one of us is paid (heh). We ALREADY care too much. I can’t get invested in Rutgers’ weakside defensive end depth chart. I know it’s half as good as Michigan’s (well, because it cost half as much, but I digress). Everyone’s had a situation like this... Zuzu’s may have been football. I know mine has been work/employment. I’m sure Ray’s has been too many beach days, or whatever.


Now that we’ve all relaxed, HOW IS NOAH VEDRAL STILL ON THIS TEAM?!?!?!?!?

Man, he’s like the 10th year super senior. He’s gotta be close to getting his M.D. and starting residency by now.

The QB position has really defined how Rutgers will go since Schiano has re-taken over. Losing Pacheco (look at my boy go on the Chiefs!) and Bo Melton are going to be large-ish holes at the skill positions, but it seems like Rutgers has a good handle on the 4-yard muddle rush if they need to control the game. Can Gavin Wimsatt give Rutgers some dynamic play ability to break open B1G defenses? If he can take that next step, or Noah Vedral gets brain implants/inspector gadget abilities, it’ll make the difference in games like Iowa, Nebraska, Indiana, and Minnesota. Rutgers’ might not win outright, but the embarrassment possibility will be low.

RU also scoured the waiver wire for offensive linemen to add to their talent pool, along with returning a good amount of the defensive secondary with considerable playing experience. Look for Christian Izien to make an impact on defense, and Johnny Langan to do a little bit of everything on offense. He’s really just a less-annoying football version of Paul Mulcahy.

Closing Argument

Adam Korsak: Punted 72 times for 3,299 yards in 2021. He’s back for one more year!


Sep 3 (Sat) Noon Away Boston College Chestnut Hill, Mass.

Sep 10 (Sat) 4 p.m. Home Wagner Piscataway, N.J. (SHI Stadium)

Sep 17 (Sat) 2 p.m. Away Temple Philadelphia, Pa.

Sep 24 (Sat) TBA Home Iowa Piscataway, N.J. (SHI Stadium)

Oct 1 (Sat) 3:30 p.m. Away Ohio State Columbus, Ohio

Oct 7 (Fri) 7 p.m. Home Nebraska Piscataway, N.J. (SHI Stadium)

Oct 22 (Sat) Noon Home Indiana Piscataway, N.J. (SHI Stadium)

Oct 29 (Sat) TBA Away Minnesota Minneapolis, Minn.

Nov 5 (Sat) TBA Home Michigan Piscataway, N.J. (SHI Stadium)

Nov 12 (Sat) TBA Away Michigan State East Lansing, Mich.

Nov 19 (Sat) TBA Home Penn State Piscataway, N.J. (SHI Stadium)

Nov 26 (Sat) TBA Away Maryland College Park, Md.

I’m going to call a 6 win season with wins over: BC, Wagner, Temple, Iowa, Nebraska, Indiana, and Maryland.