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Fall’s Tarts 2022 Week 0: An Entire Column About Nebraska Cornhuskers Football Doing Deeply Silly Things

Scott Frost earned this

NCAA Football: Nebraska at Northwestern
quite the tartsman you are

You know what?

I have the strangest sense of deja vu.

It’s my second year hosting this feature. BigRedTwice did a fabulous job with it in years prior, but for her sake I am glad she hasn’t had to do the Week 0 editions this year and last year. Once again, Nebraska was a double digit favorite in Week Zero to open up “The Year Everything Finally Comes Together For Scott Frost!” Once again, they lost a one-score game.

They took a different route to get there, however; instead of going down by three scores and coming back, they blew an 11 point lead.

In case you didn’t hear...

Fox Really Cannot Stress Enough That This Game Is In Ireland

This is absolutely a Fall’s Tart.

Both of these extremely buff mascots, one of whom would absolutely pass a cup check with flying colors and neither of whom skip leg day, tried to punch the FOX B1G graphic, then were bewildered enough to begin doing a little jig in the aftermath.

Collateral Damage

If I told you this clip ends with an official taking a shot to the nuts, you’d be mystified as to how the play actually accomplishes this:

A good five seconds after the whistle, two Husker gunners trip each other up and barrel roll straight towards the official. He does well to not get his legs taken out, but suffers a critical hit nonetheless.

It feels like only Nebraska’s special teams unit would endanger the poor gentleman in this fashion.

Free Beer

You had to be there

Since we have a legacy in the USA of being REALLY WEIRD about letting people drink beer whenever, this would never happen in the heartland. Instead, a truly Irish solution kept the crowd happy...for the time being.


This is one hell of a stoppage by the official

Note the two-hand floor-push slide like he’s trying to draw a foul for a push-off in Big Ten Basketball.


From a different game! I’ve overplayed from the back line in Rocket League and found myself hopelessly chasing down an opponent on their way to the goal. I know what this dude is thinking.

I found another version with the quarterback mic’d up

Frosted Tips

But let’s quit beating around the bush. Trailing at the half after allowing a surgical performance from Ryan Hilinski of all people, the Nebraska Cornhuskers would need to mount a comeback. But first they’d need to get the ball back.

They quickly forced a punt, drove 88 yards for the go-ahead score, recovered a Northwestern fumble on the next play and took a two-touchdown lead on their second snap of the ensuing drive. Not only did Scott Frost’s hastily assembled transfer army deliver the lead, but his newly-hired special teams coach appeared to be getting the job done. With the more talented and athletic roster, now’s the time to just keep playing your game and force them to catch up.


No wait. Hear me out.

What if you’re actually so good at special teams that you could get the ball back on the kickoff?

Let’s just say for the sake of argument that there is absolutely no such thing as momentum and everyone’s emotional state is perfectly steady and also has no effect on their quality of play. Let’s suppose that’s true.

You’ve still just given your opponent the ball on your own 45 yard line. That’s 30 free yards. Northwestern went 75 or more yards for touchdowns on just two drives. Statistically, it is unlikely they’d do it again here. Both of the Cats’ second half touchdowns were scored on drives of less than 45 yards. Giving Northwestern the ball at your own 45 dramatically increased their chances to win.

I just don’t understand.

Dunk Contest

The floodgates opened after Nebraska fulfilled their destiny and lost in Dublin

Here’s the Big Sky rejecting Nebraska

Here’s Northwestern’s offensive line coach reporting how many times his unit puked in camp to compare with Frost’s claims of “15-20 times per practice”

These aren’t Tarts but merited inclusion.

Good Ghosts

By the time you’re ready to coach UConn football, as Jim Mora Jr. was, you apparently need to have a few screws loose.

Jim Mora is asked about living in a haunted house. He does not deny this but insists that the ghosts are good. Watch the following play. Can you disagree?


And finally, let’s look ahead to Week 1 with Rutgers!

You know who DOES a lot of “clop clop clop” in Big Ten football?

Former Horsewestern quarterback Brett Basaneigh.


Tart of the Week!

This poll is closed

  • 5%
    Fox O’Graphics
    (17 votes)
  • 8%
    Logistically Improbable Nutshot
    (26 votes)
  • 6%
    Free Beer!
    (21 votes)
  • 2%
    (7 votes)
  • 2%
    Austin gets Peayed on
    (9 votes)
  • 65%
    Scott Frost surprise onside kick sets up Nern at the Nebarkas 45
    (198 votes)
  • 1%
    Coach Believes In Friendly Ghosts, Cannot Be Disproven
    (4 votes)
  • 6%
    (21 votes)
303 votes total Vote Now