B1G Mailbag: Frost’s Millions, Crossover wins, QB Changes, and Idiocy.

Good morning. Grab some coffee and fire off some responses in the comments to where everyone else is wrong.

Now that Scott Frost is gone, who’s the worst coach in the West - WSR

misdreavus79: Through the first two games of 2022, it has to be a tie between Paul Chryst and Kirk Ferentz. They have taken what most thought would be the two best teams in the West and turned them into hot garbage in the early going. I’d say the nod should go to Ferentz for literally turning the offense into the worst unit in the country.

…overall, well, the one with the worst record to date?

Buffkomodo: Oh goodness. Bert has Illinois out of the doghouse, but all those programs cycle through winning and losing season and hardly gaining or losing anything. Frost was clearly the worst, so perhaps it’s Ferentz because I-wa hasn’t really won anything to speak of recently, but then again by that measure he’s done more than Brohm. But Brohm has the Boilers seemingly rolling again. Ugh. This is hard.

BoilerUp89: I think you could make an argument for any of them. Depends on how much we are grading guys on a curve. Chryst is doing the least with most so he gets my vote but there really isn’t a wrong answer here.

Kind of…: I’m plenty mad at Chryst, but I have to say Fitzgerald. Sorry, but he just lost to Duke and how much credit does he really get for beating Nebraska at this point?

HWAHSQB: Draw straws. Other than Brohm, they’re pretty much the same guy.

MNW: The Fitz jabs…he’s lost to Duke like 7 goddamn times now. Doesn’t excuse it, but he did it in 2018 and, uh, accidentally won the West.

If anything, no one has, at this point, done less with more than Kirk Ferentz. I’m increasingly convinced Norm and then Phil Parker have kept that shit afloat. Kirk’s job is to hold Iowa back, which he has done with aplomb.

(Really it’s brohm but that answer’s no fun.)

WSR: Look, it’s simple. Pick a name out of the West coaches not named Fleck and you’ve got a pretty decent chance of being right. And if you’re not right, wait a couple weeks until they make you right. Ferentz seems to have lost his fastball through a combination of just getting old and having a soft spot for that dipshit he’s responsible for after getting a little too worked up watching punting film with the wife, Bielema’s Illinois is a work in progress using cost-cutting materials, Brohm is perfectly medicore, Fitzgerald is a doofus who thinks that one bright idea he had in 2007 still works today, and Paul Chyrst was never actually very good. Dude’s a .500 coach when left to his own devices, and dude’s trying his best but is surrounded by a ton of other lackwits in the B1G West right now.

How many games will the west win against the east this year? - 402Boiler

misdreavus79: The West will win its fair share of games this season.

Are any of them going to come against Michigan or Ohio State? Most likely not. Penn State has already beaten a West team, and the only other team on its schedule that, on paper, can beat Penn State this season is Minnesota. That game happens to be at night at home during the whiteout, so chances are they don’t pull it out. Even year Northwestern can do weird things, but what it can’t do is beat “the big four” from the East on the road. Both division title seasons came with losses to East Four™ on the road (and in 2018, they damn near lost to not-good Rutgers too).

So in all likelihood, the West’s wins will need to come against Maryland, Rutgers, Indiana, and maybe Michigan State, if Minnesota and Wisconsin are up to the task. Maybe Illinois can steal one against the Spartans, but I’m not putting that to paper just yet.

Buffkomodo: My 8 ball says “ask again later.” Should Indiana beat Nebby in a couple weeks, high chance it says “only one big boy”.

BoilerUp89: I was told there would be no math. 0+1+2+1+1+1+2=8. I’ll leave you to guess which school is which. Oh almost forgot the +1 in the championship game when Minnesota defeats Rutgers. So 9 total.

Kind of…: So 21 inter-division games…Gotta figure OSU and Michigan for 3-0, and PSU has already beaten Purdue on the road. I guess I’ll say the West goes 6-15.

HWAHSQB: Zero.

MNW: Let’s use our numbers, kids (regular season matchups):

• 2014: 7-7
• 2015: 7-7
• 2016: 11-10, West
• 2017: 8-13, East
• 2018: 11-10, East
• 2019: 11-10, East
• 2020: 6-6
• 2021: 11-10, East

Admirable as it is for Michigan and Ohio State to keep carrying the water for the rest of the East (and, I mean…you won! Good job!), let’s not pretend that suddenly Rutgers and Indiana and Maryland and most-recently-4-5-Penn-State are gonna stop putting their dicks in the pencil sharpener. The Big Ten West, much in the style of its second-most-often-conqueror, Northwestern (look it up, chucklefucks), will suddenly rediscover itself as the heavy air of late summer gives way to the crisp air of fall and the mud of true autumn. Half the East either doesn’t want to play that shit (Maryland, Penn State) or doesn’t know how and thinks that punching themselves in the testicles makes them look stronger (Indiana, Rutgers).

So, if I were to sit here and pick? UNL over IU, UNL over Rutgers (yes, they still will, they are just better, grow up), Northwestern over Maryland (til you prove me wrong), Minnesota over Penn State, Minnesota over Rutgers, wisconsin over Maryland, Purdue over Indiana. That’s only 7-14 this year, the worst mark the West will have had against the East, and I’m sure it’ll be consolation to the 6 non-invitees to the Big Ten Championship when they chant “B1G East! B1G East! B1G East!” after winning.

WSR: I’ve got 6. Maybe 7 if Iowa can upset Rutgers.

What is the closest your school has ever had to making a Frostean hire? A hire that pretty much every one thought was a home run when it happened, but turned out to be a complete flop. - thunsicker

misdreavus79: My school has made four hires in the past 70 years. This question literally cannot apply to them.

Buffkomodo: Gerry DiNardo. Cam Cameron was a contestant but at least he lasted 5 years. DiNardo made it 3. Then again, few have ever thought IU football has made a home run hire. More like, “well he was available and took the call.”

BoilerUp89: We are supposed to make home run hires? Much like running the ball, Purdue has misunderstood the prompt and is doing its own thing.

Kind of…: Let’s add to the degree of difficulty and further stipulate that this Frostean hire had to be an alum who won a national title for your university as a player. I think UW has the best possible answer of anybody to this question, and it’s the current coach of our hockey team.

HWAHSQB: This is easy. Lovie Claus.

MNW: Chris Collins.

WSR: I’m not going to say this won’t happen because it’s still a possibility. But until Tony Dungy is cold and in the ground, the Gophers are always one coaching change away from hiring a former legend who went on to be a coaching legend who would be absolutely terrible at the college level.

(Almost) everything’s been about Frosty the past couple of days — so let’s talk about quarterbacks! Is Spencer Petras going to last to the end of November? How many times is Harbaugh going to flip-flop on his QB selection? Who else in the conference might voluntarily change signal-callers this season? - Sasser

misdreavus79:

1. It’s possible Petras starts all season, because other than Purdue and Ohio State, everyone else on Iowa’s remaining schedule will refuse to do anything on offense, and that will be enough to let Iowa win its fair share of games. Petras can literally stand there and keep throwing balls to people’s feet and everyone else will be like “yes, please let us run the ball into this wall and let you pin us at the one then give you the shortest field imaginable because we’re the West and that’s what we do!” And no Minnesota, you don’t get to talk shit until you actually beat them.
2. If Cade does not transfer prior to the schedule having real teams, yes. Because, as it turns out, looking good against Hawai’i doesn’t mean jack shit when the Iowa defense is suffocating your prized quarterback.
3. Well Rutgers already has 7, so that one’s a given. Other than them, I don’t really see anyone else willingly changing QBs midseason. If Ferentz won’t change Petras now, he’s not going to do it when doing the absolute minimum actually works.

Buffkomodo: There’s almost a 100% chance the people get what they want and see some Tuttle time when this line inevitably gets Bazelak killed.

BoilerUp89: I wouldn’t be shocked to see PSU make a change late in the season if they fall out of things. IU should try out the young guys at some point if they are eliminated from bowl eligibility but their change may be due to injuries.

HWAHSQB: Ferentz seems pretty dug in on this one. I think he’ll start Petras out of spite now. Just to show those mollycoddled fans that he knows what is best. On the other hand, Harbz will pull his guy at the first sign of adversity. Three.

MNW: I really thought Ferentz was going to tell us Petras had an “injury” this week. Now I think he’s just doing it out of spite, like HWAHSQB says, which…kudos. Good for you, man. Who the fuck cares if you win or lose? That’s football.

I literally don’t give a fuck if Michigan keeps flip-flopping QBs. Michigan and Ohio State are so divorced from the reality of being Big Ten teams that they can stay or split and my life will go on all the same. All the best to you in the SEC North.

Iowa’s going to make a change eventually; Petras will have a random injury before a big game. Minnesota’s set. Nebraska’s set. I don’t know what the backup at wisconsin is–is Danny Van Den Boom still there? Illinois doesn’t use a quarterback, just Mr. Clanky from Backyard Football. Purdue probably has another quarterback? That seems like something they’d do. Indiana…exists? They’ve gotta have another, right? Let’s say them, too. That’s all the Big Ten teams I can think of. So Indiana + Rutgers + Iowa = 3.

WSR: I think Petras is going to start all year for Iowa, and that’s a condemnation of both Brian Ferentz’s ability to coach QBs and offenses and the football players behind Petras on the depth chart. I also feel rather confident that Harbz is going to juggle his QBs a few different times because why not? And I think we’ll have QB changes at Indiana, Rutgers (because they change QBs every drive LOL!), Michigan, Michigan State, and Penn State. wisconsin would probably change QBs if they had one, I’m sure.

Why does jNW keep scheduling Duke? I thought they were supposed to be smart.... - cericjo

misdreavus79: If you figure out the answer to this, feel free to let us know.

Buffkomodo: “Supposed to be” being the key phrase there.

Kind of…: Lightning round: 1) No, 2) No, 3) Four

HWAHSQB: I feel like Ron Guenther has something to do with it.

MNW: The dumb thing is it’s the right schedule for NU: (1) FCS team–this year it’s SIU which uhhhhhhh let’s not worry about that yet, (2) MACtion or MWCtion–this year Miami Hydroxide which uhhhhhh let’s not worry about that yet, and (3) similarly academically-adept P5 school. Some years Stanford, some Notre Dame, way back when Cal and Vandy when Jimmy Frankloin wasn’t bitching out of things via FedEx…but Duke is the one that answers the calls. It’s one that the casual alums are cool with, and the diehards are only furious at because we lose it.

In future years those games are Rice and Tulane, which, uh…is a choice! Duke 2023-2024, at Tulane 25, Colorado 26/27, Rice 29/31, UCLA whoops. That’s fine. We’re gonna lose some of them because Fitz is an idiot. It’s just the way of the world, I hate it, fire everyone.

WSR: Because they’re not smart.

If you had $15 million in settlement money and you knew it would disappear in 5 years, how would you blow it? (No appreciating assets, I said blow it) - Atinat

misdreavus79: If the idea here is that I have to waste the money, I’d probably buy everything I’ve ever said I don’t need, then pay off the debts of most of my immediate family.

Buffkomodo: I mean first I’d immediately quit my job and either go after my PHD or JD. So that’s not a lot of the pie. The other rest, I’d probably pay 10 people handsomely to send Brad Stevens some of those little kid Valentine’s Day cards each week. You know, the ones with different Disney characters or superhero’s that say “You’re real super” or “Be Mine <insert emoji here>. Address them all so he thinks they’re coming from the IU fanbase so that when Woodson steps down/gets fired in 5-10 years, Brad will have softened to the idea of coaching at Indiana and hardened to the idea his family gets any say in the matter. Baddah Bing, Baddah Boom.

If there’s money left, I’ll buy a years supply of Grape Laffy Taffy. Shits good. Best flavor. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

BoilerUp89: If I’m going to lose it all, alcohol and lottery tickets.

HWAHSQB: Strippers and blow.

MNW: The one thing I still wouldn’t buy is a cabana at a Northwestern football game. The entire athletic department can eat my asshole.

WSR: It would have been nice to throw some money at Nebraska’s AD to have them keep Scott Frost around longer, but instead that $15m would have to go towards the NIL initiative at Minnesota. We’re finally getting off the ground and I’d be mad at the lack of progress we’ve made, but Iowa and wisconsin have made even less and Nebraska has no idea what to do with their money cannon so who cares? Also, the world’s largest smoker. I want to see what I could do with hippopotamus ribs.