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Sunday Morning Coming Down // Week 3

Colorado v Minnesota Photo by David Berding/Getty Images

Ten B1G Things

1. Big thanks to Ryan Day for finding an offense, which made staying up until 3 AM to explain American football to a Scotsman seem not completely idiotic

2. The scene Hitch where he accidentally eats the shellfish is not only funny, but a perfect representation of MSU’s reaction to being ranked.

3. How would one convince MSU to never wear those uniforms again? Enough with the Oregon-for-Poors look.

4. Thrilling victory over UConn predictably leads to breathless “Is Michigan for real?” fawning

5. Kirk was just saving up the touchdowns for the big Nevada showdown.

6. Ooooo-OKE-lahoma where the wins coming sweeping through corn…

7. Frost’s Flakes! How did I just think of this now? Curse you, writing gods.

8. What’s a Saluki? What’s a pass defense? More questions than answers in Evanston

9. I’m not an engineer or an astronaut, so someone from Purdue please explain how the hell do you lose to a team that goes 13/30 passing?

10. They s’posed to be SEC PAWL!

11. Xzibit voice: “Hey Hoosiers, we heard you like comebacks. So we put an extra quarter on the game you can comeback while you comeback.”

12. Rutgers—the Beast of the (geographical) East

13. Crikey…how bad IS Colorado? Was that Boulder High?

14. The West looks really strong against Mountain Time.

The Rundown

Toledo at Ohio State | Suitcase U. takes a payday, 77-21

GF3: Beating the stuffing out of an in-state school? Takes me right back to the Jim Tressel days…save for all the passing and such. Explaining the game to my Scottish friend was very amusing.

“Yes, they’re both from Ohio…it’s like a Man City/Man United thing, except the ones in red are the massively better team here.

“Yes, you can get a red card because you hit the guy wrong…no, not too hard per se…just wrong. You can literally paralyze the guy so long as you do it in a sportsmanlike way.”

MaximumSam: I was camping and had resigned myself to missing the game. But like a Halloween miracle, someone had enough signal to stream the game, I had the connect on the stream, and a third person had a projector. So we got to sit around the campfire and watch the Buckeyes liquify the Toledo defense, which I thought was pretty solid coming into the game. The defense did let up some big plays, but no signs of the PermaStink from last year. Bring on the B1G.

Michigan State at Washington | MSU doesn’t like them apples, 39-28

AK: I picked MSU to lose this game, and I meant it, but I suppose in my secret internal corridors I expected to be wrong, or at least not this right.

Washington got 100% of their possible yards in the first half…minus two, a failed 4th-and-goal that immediately turned into a safety and got them the ball back anyway. 4 TDs on 4 possessions, not a hint of coverage played and a pass rush that was sometimes close but couldn’t get to quick-draw Penix. Neither team could run the ball much, but Washington’s coaches seemed to know that, while Jay Johnson looked at his own red-hot QB and decided the situation called for more runs into the middle behind an offensive line that opens fewer lanes than MDOT in August.

MSU had some indisputable good fortune last year to do what they did, but play another game or two like this, with a still-worst-in-the-country pass defense, and the term ‘fluke’ might start to feel more appropriate.

I write this at halftime and stand by my conclusions even if they find some way to pull a win out of their collective ass.

Nevada at Iowa | Kirk uncorks a perfume tester of whoopass, 27-0

Stew: Over 7 hours after kickoff (6:30 gtz), the game mercifully ended. Iowa’s defense was once again stellar. Tory Taylor was magnificent. The offense failed to break 30 on a defense that gave up double nickels to Incarnate Word. Petras played significantly better, but then how could he not? Could tell that they simplified his reads for the game, not once did he look at both sides of the field. What I’m saying is that this game really didn’t change much for the outlook on the rest of the season for anyone paying attention. Though I’m sure Ferentz has already pointed out the significant improvements as a reason not to change anything.

SMU at Maryland | Terps hobble the Pony Express, 34-27

[MNW note: Larry emailed me his recap at 9:23pm CT. Sorry, Larry, much like with my students, I only accept one submission. No do-overs.]

larry31: I am writing this most of the way through the 3rd quarter.

Maryland: too many stupid fucking penalties and self-inflicted mistakes. Won’t win too many games playing such undisciplined football. It sucks to watch so much talent go for naught because of dumb penalties.

SMU: QB Mordecai and WR Rashee Rice are really good. Also, coaching is good.

UConn at Michigan | Another a-maize-ing victory over a worthy opponent, 59-0

RMB: Another week, another tomato can. Michigan won 59-0 and that’s nice and all, but that offensive line managed to get the 2nd string QB hurt in two snaps. Michigan has been leaky in pass-pro, and when you consider who we’ve been playing, that’s terrifying. We’ll start to learn about this team next week when Maryland comes to town, starting with “can anyone play four quarters?”

Brian Gillis: The conference season can’t get here fast enough.

Oklahoma at Nebraska | Frost thankful to have been fired last week, 49-14

JesseCollins: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha we still suck

Deadread: At least the close loss streak is over. We are not good. There is a week off. Maybe we can find a plan to beat the Hoosiers in two weeks. Maybe.

BRT: Well, I didn’t watch this game, and it sounds like that was a good choice. I went to book club and my nephew’s youth soccer game instead, and you know what? I think those 5-year-olds put together more effective defense than it sounds like the Huskers did. So that’s not great.It does sound like half of the first quarter was good though. We’ll always have that.I did listen to part of Big Red Reaction (aka “Boomers Having Huge Feelings About Kids These Days”) on the way home though, and it was really something. My favorite was the guy who said he felt Scott Frost had been “really manipulated” and got a raw deal. You keep fighting the good fight, Ed from Ceresco.

Penn State at Auburn | Gettysburg was just a prelude, 41-12

Misdreavus79: There was some concern that the Auburn atmosphere would be too much for the Nittany Lions. And, at first, it certainly had its effect. Penn State had a couple of false start penalties as the game was still close, but once the Lions got used to the noise (they, do, after all, have plenty of practice with that), it was full steam ahead. Penn State went up 14-6, and it felt like another score might just do it.

Well, they scored another five times for good measure.

Say what you will about Auburn, but going on the road against an SEC team, one that is of similar talent to Penn State, and dominating them for most of the contest, feels pretty good. The best part is that Penn State has already played two of its five road games, and we still have the whole season to go!

87Townie: My first takeaway is that Auburn is not a very good football team. They remind me of Nebraska in a way. Talented pieces that can’t seem to come together as a team. They racked up a lot of yards (Penn State’s tackling needs work). But they made too many mistakes. They didn’t execute the simple things when they had to.

Penn State showed us a glimpse of the team every PSU fan dreams about. A team that has competent offensive line play, explosive running backs, and a reliable passing game. If that team shows up every week, this will be a fun season.

The defensive line played well. The secondary and linebackers looked lost at times. As I said earlier, our tackling needs work. I hate it when the defensive back is standing tall, trying to rip the ball free, and the guy gets another ten yards.

Put his ass on the ground. Please.

All that being equal, I think Penn State is in a good spot. We have two tune-up games and a bye week, before we get into the meat of the schedule.

Let’s go State!

SIU at Northwestern Wildcats | The north would rather forget, 31-24

MNW: We just didn’t execute. You can’t have turnovers and mental lapses. It’s on us as coaches, and it starts tomorrow morning. We’re going to flush it and go 1-0 next week.

At least, those will be the excuses out of Pat Fitzgerald.

And there WERE comical fuckups! Four turnovers against an 0-2 SIU team, though, belies how goddamn unprepared Northwestern looked to play this game. Its linebackers appear unable to cover anyone or set edges, which I’m sure won’t be a problem in the future. Kudos on that one good double-A-gap blitz, Jim O’Neil. It worked out for Mike Zimmer in Minnesota, and I’m sure it’ll work out for you here, too. And, of course, Ryan Hilinski regressed to his 2021 self, seemingly unable to throw a deep ball as Mike Bajakian and Fitz fucked around on fourth downs and the drive with less than 5 minutes left.

This program is rotten almost seemingly to the damn core. There is no pressure on Pat Fitzgerald to improve, and so we’ll ride it out with JON and Jake, the dumbass Wonder Dipshits. Fuck them, and fuck that game in particular.

At least we’ll always have Dublin.

LPW: Good lord, this was horrendous. You can’t win games when you turn over the goddamn ball four fucking times and play like complete fucking horseshit. Dr Gragg, please fire Fitzy’s coordinators since he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself. And then I want you to put the fear of god into Fitz that this shit can’t happen again.

Purdue at Syracuse | Come for the air-conditioning themed dome, stay for the heartbreak 32-29

BoilerUp89: Look I didn’t actually watch the 2nd half. I’m down in Houston for training and since I have the weekend to explore the city I decided to take in a museum in the afternoon.

With Purdue only up 9-3 at the half despite thoroughly outplaying the Orange, I figured Purdue had already blown their best opportunity to secure the victory. A dumb 4th and 3 attempt in the red zone and a blocked extra point meant 4 points off the board and instead of being up two scores and getting the ball to start the 2nd half, Purdue was only up 6 and had kept Syracuse in the game.

I’m sure the Boilermakers also did dumb things in the 2nd half but they had an opportunity in the 1st half to put it away and didn’t. Syracuse has a better D than I gave them credit for and Purdue kept their long tradition of losing non conference road games.

WKU at Indiana | Weird mascots, bad football, another Indiana rally, 33-30 (OT)

BuffKomodo: At halftime, I was so angry that my wife physically took the little Komodo out of my hands so I would not throw her. I took the dog on a walk. Then took a shit.Then the second half started. I was looking for optimism and I felt relief. I got no instant relief from the Hoosiers as thing began to spiral rather quickly. My wife handed me little Komodo again because I had given up hope and was calm, and lo and behold Indiana began a frantic comeback that required some of the stupidest shenanigans possible in order to achieve final victory. I don’t want to say I need to hold my daughter more during IU games, but there’s a correlation at this point. The Indiana Tom Allen’s are 3-0. They care not for attention to detail. They care not that you simply cannot always run the ball when you have a shitty line. The only thing that matters is finishing games and for once in my life this team is winning close games while looking like complete horseshit the rest of the time. And not horseshit like they’ve never played football, just like…so close to being okay. WKU is a good team. This is a good win when the season is over. On to next week.

Rutgers Scarlet Knights at Temple | Rutgers wins battle of two teams that…exist, 16-14

Colorado at Minnesota | Minnesota decidedly not nice to guests, 49-7

WSR: Tanner Morgan threw an interception, Chris Autman-Bell got hurt, and we allowed a TD. That’s all I’ve got for negatives after another skullfucking another overmatched opponent. Mo Ibrahim is running through everyone, Tanner Morgan is playing excellent ball, and the defense is outstanding as a unit. Good time to be a Gopher fan right now.

NMSU at Wisconsin | Season surely salvaged, 66-7

Kind of…(Chris) Wisconsin did what they were supposed to do, which, given what happened elsewhere in the West, means they’re probably still a division contender. They’ll lose to OSU next week. Then, it’s vs. Ill and @ NW. If they’re not 4-2 at that point, go ahead and write them off.