Urban Meyer Should Be Nebraska’s Next Head Coach

Nebraska football just shot their own child into the sun, and noted moral scion Trev Alberts is weighing his options on which which coach to sacrifice next. You have your usual list of names, with Matt Campbell and Lance Leipold and Chad Powers, but there is only one person Nebraska could hire right now and who could be recruiting right now and who has won multiple national titles at the highest level of the sport. His name is Urban Meyer, and Nebraska should back up the money truck to his house.

While this seems like common sense to anyone remotely interested in seeing Nebraska succeed, it appears their are some belief in the fanbase that Nebraska is just too good for Urban Meyer. Corn Nation published “Urban Meyer Should Not Be Nebraska’s Next Head Coach,” apparently in support of the Big Ten neutering half their teams. Let’s look at the reasoning here.

• This man proclaims to be all about family and respecting women. Contrast those claims against his actions. He skipped a flight back to Jacksonville with the team to “spend time with family” only to show up in a video with a very young woman who was definitely not his wife, giving him what is easily described as a lap dance. The video clarified that Meyer reciprocated by grinding her as well. Of course, a half-assed apology was issued, and he went about his job coaching the Jaguars.

Urban Meyer is a millionaire and a celebrity and is reasonably decent shape for a near 60 year old. That he would find himself knuckle deep in someone half his age is about as surprising as as finding out he probably doesn’t buy his own milk and might cheat on his taxes. What’s next, Nebraska thinks Tiger Woods doesn’t meet the standards for their golf program?

• Things then went from bad to worse when he reportedly called all of his assistant coaches “losers” and is said to have kicked his kicker, Josh Lambo in the leg and demeaned him.

Urban Meyer should have drop kicked Josh Lambo in the head and Lambo should have thanked him. Instead, we got this whiny story where Urban says he made contact with his foot, and Lambo says that Urban’s “kick” was “more than a love tap.” Oh, and he called a bunch of his loser coaching staff a bunch of losers. Nick Saban was cussing at his players for doing the “horns down” sign after their game against Texas. I suppose he is also disqualified from Nebraska football.

• Before he started coaching the Jacksonville Jaguars, he hired disgraced former Iowa strength coach, Chris Doyle. Doyle, a loyal and longtime confidant of head coach Kirk Ferentz, was let go by the Hawkeyes because of his racist behavior and bullying of players. He was also at the center of a rash of players contracting Rhabdomyolysis because of the training routine he had in place for the football team.

What would this world come to if there was coach in the B1G who hired Chris Doyle? What if they kept him on staff for 21 years? Surely, that coach would be run off the campus and not signed to multiple gigantic contracts or allowed to hire His Special Little Boy to run the offense. You would have to sell your soul to have someone like that coach your team. I’m sure that hypothetical team has won a lot to offset those moral costs. We can only imagine.

• At Ohio State, an investigation concluded that Meyer mishandled domestic abuse allegations by his receiver coach, Zach Smith, and he was actually suspended for three games at the start of the 2018 season. Digging deeper into the findings of the investigation, Meyer lied about knowing anything about Smith’s history as a domestic abuser. Meyer apparently was aware of allegations in 2015, as well other egregious behavior by Smith, yet he kept him on his staff.

Now, it cannot be questioned that Zach Smith was a big turd who Urban hired mostly as a favor to his mentor, (and Smith’s grandpa) Earl Bruce. In fact, if there is weakness in Urban’s game, it is usually in hiring an array of people he knows over people of talent to be on his staff. That said, Urban Meyer isn’t Zach Smith, they are two different people. If you are writing off Urban Meyer by the company keeps, just bear with me for this one last point.

• People want to say that other successful coaches are not different, including Tom Osborne, who gave second chances to players like Lawrence Phillips. Osborne did not lie about Phillips’ behavior, nor did he cover it up. With Meyer, you have a person who lied about what he knew and, more damaging, taking part in covering things up.

There it is. The “Tom Osborne was super honest” defense of Tom Osborne, who also filled his team with some real turds and covered up their behavior so they could play football and win. Hey, let’s take a journey to the past of some of Tom Osborne’s former players.

Scott Baldwin was charged with assault of a woman and a police officer in 1992. He was naked as a jaybird and attacked a random lady who was walking her dog, causing numerous injuries. Because of this, he was diagnosed and prescribed medication for his severe mental illness. However, he stopped taking his medication because it interfered with football. Later that year, after attending a football game with one Mickey Joseph, he jumped out of Joseph’s car in an effort to run to New Jersey. Eventually cops were called and he was shot and paralyzed.

Christian Peter was arrested eight(!) times while at Nebraska, including once for sexual assault. He was also accused of rape but not charged. A woman at a bar called him a rapist and he grabbed her by the throat. For Osborne’s part, one woman’s attorney claimed he was “trying to intimidate me in order to get rid of me before a trial would ever happen.” Osborne also called Peter “a model guy.”

Tyrone Williams was charged with various things for shooting at Kevin Porter, another football player. The police were interested in finding the gun, and they eventually found it. In a locked safe. Placed there by Tom Osborne and his coaching staff.

And what about Lawrence Phillips? He was charged with various crimes for assaulting someone and was pending charges through most of the 1994 National Championship season, where he rushed for over 1700 yards. He pled guilty two weeks after the championship. During the 1995 season he broke into Scott Frost’s apartment and beat up his ex-girlfriend. Osborne’s response was “I wouldn’t call it a beating. But [Phillips] certainly did inflict some damage to a young lady.” He received a six game suspension, but returned in time to take on Florida and see Nebraska win another championship in 1995.

Now, I don’t wish to pile on Tom Osborne. He was a great football coach. He was supportive of his players, and that can be a great quality. Nebraska football is held in deep regard because largely because of Tom Osborne. The message here isn’t that Tom Osborne is a bad person, it is that Tom Osborne and Urban Meyer are the exact same person. They are committed to winning, and they will be involved with some real turds if it means they get an extra digit in the win column. Nebraska could do nothing more to honor its football history than hire Urban Meyer.