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Fall’s Tarts Week 3: College Football Has Lost Its Composure

Connor Bazelak put on a show this week.

NCAA Football: Western Kentucky at Indiana Marc Lebryk-USA TODAY Sports

We try to be analytical around here in order to give you the most balanced and professional college football content on the internet. This requires an emotionless and highly discerning approach and a love of stats.

Even if some of those stats are Rusty Staats.

However, sometimes we are prone to emotional responses, whether they be rage, despair or amusement.

Third And Very Long

This official from the Cincinnati game gives Teddy Bridgewater’s freshman pic a run for its money.

What Losing To Kansas Does To A MF

I told you back in 2017 that Kansas would be getting good in the early-mid 2020’s. The 3-0 Jayhawks are right on time (they play Illinois next year).

Some people didn’t listen. They still don’t understand that Kansas is actually a pretty decent football outfit now. It was always going to be like this when it started happening. Look how hard Houston took it:

Chris Ash’s Rutgers team demonstrated how to lose to Kansas with some dignity at least.

USA Makes Decision That Is To The Detriment Of Most Of Its Constituents

Imagine the above ever happening.

Anyway, the University of South Alabama had UCLA on the ropes late until deciding to fake this field goal into a horribly executed play:

Those points would have come in handy, as it turns out.

You! Look After My Baby!

Aidan O’Connell found himself in trouble late in Purdue’s game against Syracuse. He could no longer care for the football himself, so he looked for someone responsible to give it to for safe keeping.

Only one slight problem with this plan.

What Are You Purdueing?

Let’s just unpack the end of Purdue-Syracuse. The Boilers scored with 51 seconds left, much to the disgust of this fan:

Oh boy, lady, if you think THAT is so fucking stupid, just wait til the rest of the game happens.

Purdue scored to go up 28-25 with 51 seconds to go. Payne Durham got a 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty after the touchdown, and Jeff Brohm got another one when he confronted the official about it.

Purdue kicked off from their own 10. On the ensuing drive, they committed two defensive penalties on two separate third downs (one holding, one DPI). Garrett Schrader found Oronde Gadsden for the go-ahead touchdown and Purdue was assessed two more personal fouls before the extra point.

That’s by my count six penalties in the last 51 seconds. That’s truly an artful way to lose a game.

Daddy’s Yelling Again

Notre Dame escaped Cal for their first win of the year, but it wasn’t the most inspiring performance early on for Irish QB Drew Pyne. He had what certainly looked like an unpleasant phone call with his offensive coordinator:

What are you seeing him say here? I see “ fuckin’ see him wide open!” on the end, but help me out.

Injury To Insult

I’ll let the article speak for itself.

“A disaster sequence followed for the hosts as running back Anthony Grant lost a yard, Thompson and Alante Brown miscommunicated on an incompletion and the right side of the O-line allowed pressure through on an 11-yard sack. Punter Brian Buschini was injured making the tackle on a 34-yard punt return — he limped onto the field for an attempt later in the quarter — and Oklahoma needed just five plays to finish another touchdown drive on a 1-yard Marcus Major run.”

So...Nebraska lost a punter on a tackle.

Honoring Title IX

In honor of the 50th anniversary of Title IX, South Carolina decided to honor all current student-athletes in women’s sports during their game against Georgia.

What they didn’t do is think this through in any meaningful way.

That’s right, they got hundreds of athletes out on the field for a moment of between the first and second quarter during a standard TV timeout.

They clearly didn’t give any thought to the logistics involved, and the result was that they couldn’t get the field cleared in time. Cocks coach Shane Beamer was irate because his team was required to be out there to take the snap, but Georgia had an indefinite amount of time to call their defense.

What a mess.

I Can’t Keep Up With These New Rules

Apparently, they’ve added a new subcategory to pass interference this year.

Pissin’ Pass Interference is a point of emphasis for all NCAA officials this year.

Connor Bazelak Chooses Violence

With the Indiana offensive line struggling and Western Kentuckybeing Western Kentucky, their game was bound to be a shootout.

Near the end of the first half, Connor Bazelak uncorked what I consider to be, with the benefit of knowing there were no injuries, the funniest-placed deep end zone shot possible:

In theory, he was placing it where only his guy could get it, maybe overshooting it so nobody could. In practice, he placed this pass juuuuuust such that it made everyone run into the goalpost.

I see you Connor.

Get Out Of The Weight Room. Get Out Of The Community. Get Off The Practice Field.

This was NOT a Big Ten special teams play.

That’s right, he fair caught that on his own 1 yard line.

Sneaky Snake

In the same game in which he made everyone in the end zone fall down go boom, Connor Bazelak also executed a bizarre QB sneak.

It sure looks for all the world like Bazelak’s assignment was to stand there and wait for the tight end to pick him up and shove him into the line like a battering ram.


Best Tart of Week 3?

This poll is closed

  • 0%
    (1 vote)
  • 8%
    3rd and Schlong
    (30 votes)
  • 2%
    IntraHouston Violence
    (10 votes)
  • 1%
    USA Is A Failed Trick Play
    (6 votes)
  • 7%
    (26 votes)
  • 21%
    What Are You Purdueing?
    (75 votes)
  • 0%
    Drew Gets Chewed
    (1 vote)
  • 0%
    Punter Down
    (3 votes)
  • 23%
    Title IX Brainfart
    (83 votes)
  • 0%
    Pissin’ Pass Interference
    (3 votes)
  • 8%
    Bazelak Does A Terrorism
    (28 votes)
  • 21%
    Fair Catch At The 1
    (76 votes)
  • 1%
    Controller Disconnected Sneak
    (6 votes)
348 votes total Vote Now