Sunday Afternoon Mailbag Call: An Ode to the Snowball

Good afternoon. How are you?

First, an apology: wires got crossed last week, meaning there was no Mailbag question-copying, which we rely on to get the cats herded. I doubt we’ll get you full writers’ answers, but let’s be honest—the point of this article is as much to just argue about some inane and pointless shit before we move onto the next round of inane and pointless shit.

BRT Note: It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me. I totally forgot to to question copy. I started a brand new class last week (WWII and the Cold War, and yes, it’s going to be amazing, maybe) and am fairly discombobulated. I’ll give last week’s call a look and pull good ones from there too, or you can re-ask here.

I’m told there are questions out there about October Maryland, Halloween costumes, and Ryan Day’s tummy, but before we do, I want to get you some of the answers you deserve:

What is the one trick Indianapolis dentists don’t want me to know about the B1G West? I refuse to click to find out. —Exiled_in_VT

That all five of them know it’s bad for you, but much like no fluoride in the water in Pawnee, it’s extremely good for Jeremy Jamm’s business.

Do the new west coast B1G teams already have “writers” lined up for OTE? What is/was the interview process? Do they know that watching the games is verboten? —the guy from wauyawega or whatever the fuck it’s called

We do not! Actually, we don’t have regular writers at the moment for...

• Iowa Hawkeyes
• Michigan State Spartans
• Oregon Ducks
• UCLA Bruins
• USC Trojans
• Washington Huskies

If you are someone interested in writing about any of those teams, feel free to hit me up or write a Fanpost and alert me to it! We offer absolutely nothing but a platform—especially because Vox policy opts not to deal with independent contractors and blames California law—but you’ll have fun and maybe learn something about yourself, too.

Should I__a lean into the bit and eliminate offense entirely. Just defense and special teams. No offensive players recruited and no need for offensive coaches. Doulbe the defenders means lots of fresh players. Just punt on 1st down if they get the ball. —0tw24

The point, at this stage, is for Iowans to tell you how put-upon they are by this. It’s like being a professional sports fan in Minnesota—the point is to suffer not in silence, but loudly and for all to hear. There’s an easy solution, but it’s much more comforting to tell everyone that we’re all looking for the guy who did this, as we slip on our hot dog costumes.

Our future brethren on the west coast are averaging 41 PPG so far this season. How many years does it take the B1G to drag those down to Ferentz-line-type numbers? —Sasser

In order...

• Washington: here and ready to rock-fight
• UCLA: going to rock fight because they’re just not good enough
• Oregon: see Bowl, 2019 Redbox
• USC: and what a joy it will be

Alright, that’s enough of your questions. I’m bored.

Instead, onto the question for you, fair reader: is there a most backbreaking penalty you can recall for your team?

I ask not because this one was particularly backbreaking, but because of the hilarity of the ensuing scenes:

Later, when they showed the CSU stands, fans had been removed from the first 15-20 rows. Air Force scored 13 unanswered points in the second half and beat the Rams, 30-13.

Worth noting wisconsin fans were never penalized for their scandalous, shameful, and objectively-hilarious behavior in the Jazz Hands game.