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Monday Morning Mailbag Matters: Would You Rather?

Give us some questions pleaaaaaase.

Northwestern v Iowa
Just going to do Brian Ferentz pictures from here on out. We will miss you, sweet prince.
Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

Well, it’s the wee hours of the morn and I can’t sleep because I drank a latte at 3 pm, sure that it wouldn’t affect me because I AM A MORON WHO IS 38 YEARS OLD AND STILL HASN’T LEARNED HER LESSON ABOUT THIS YET.

So you get me writing a plea for mailbag questions.

MNW is much better at this than I am, regaling you with long narratives of parenthood or prof life, then bringing it back in a perfect circle to some thought-provoking football-related question. I’m not good at that, nor do I care at this point because it’s 2:15 in the morning and I need to wake up early and prep a lecture about Pearl Harbor.

I should probably be doing that instead of this, huh? Ah well.

So here are my questions for you, assembled in a neat little “Would you rather?” format for your enjoyment. If you’ve never played, the two options presented are your only options— so don’t pop down in the comments and be like “Neither, I’d rather have JJ McCarthy with laryngitis so he couldn’t say stupid things.” Well duh, of course you would. But this isn’t fantasy football, this is “Would you rather?” Capiche?

  • Would you rather have Jeff Sims or Heinrich Haarberg (MSU game version) for your team’s QB?
  • Would you rather play all of your team’s games at Wrigley Field or Ryan Field?
  • Would you rather go on a date with Connor Stalions or Jim Harbaugh? (Please note that both men have definitely written manifestos.)
  • Would you rather have Brian Ferentz as your team’s head coach or BRT as your team’s head coach?
  • Would you rather have every team in CFB be required to have red as one of their official colors, or would you rather that every team in CFB have “Tigers” as their mascot?

There you go. Don’t forget to give us mailbag questions!