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If you complain about the referees, I get to defenestrate you.

What I am saying is that I, MNWildcat, should be allowed to take you on a nice trip to Prague in which we would eat delicious foods, and then take you up to the castle, to a high enough floor that I would make a point, and push you out the window.

Purdue v Maryland Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images

Here is what I would like to happen:

I would like to take you to Prague. I am not paying for the trip, of course; you can do that on your own.

We’ll have a nice time! We’ll go to U Medvidku for “the strongest beer in the world,” we’ll eat some tasty vepřové koleno at an outdoor cafe, and after a visit to the Lennon Wall, we’ll put a lock together on the Love Lock wall.

We’ll adjourn to the Strahov Monastic Brewery for some pivo.

I’ll quaff a dunkelweizen, you might have their pale ale. Across the glow of the candlelight, our conversation will turn to some of our favorite topics: international travel. open-sea kayaking. the campaigns of Gary Hart. the 1984 Cherry Bowl. Big Ten basketball.

And then you’ll say it.

I don’t want you to.

But you’ll say it.

“Yeah, but the refs screwed us that game.”

My face falls in the glow of the candlelight. I straighten up and pay the bill.

“Come on,” I say, “there’s something else I want to show you.”

Prague castle seat of Czech president seen during the first... Photo by Tomas Tkacik/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

“Isn’t it beautiful?” I ask. “Look at all the views from this third-floor window. How beautiful is the surrounding countryside. How wonderful that we could have seen this together. I only wish we could have seen more.”

Prague Castle Photo by Monika Skolimowska/picture alliance via Getty Images

“More?” you ask, concerned. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine,” I respond. “Why would you be concerned about anything?”

“It’s just that after we were talking about the basketball game, you got kind of weird,” you reply, edging away from the window.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. “You could’ve just accepted that your guard play was inadequate,” I say, to no one in particular. “You shot 15% from three. It didn’t have to be like this.”

“Be like wha—” you stammer, before three men in top hats and coats seize you by the arms.

You, the complainer, being dragged toward the window by me, an angry Bohemian.

“I’m sorry,” I say, as the men pitch you out the window.

What a Thursday night in Big Ten basketball.

Maryland Terrapins 68, #3 Purdue Boilermakers 54
Iowa Hawkeyes 92, Ohio State Buckeyes 75

Full recaps coming later.